“Cam! No!”
Her voice broke through when everyone else had faded into a blur. I halted my fist halfway to Oscar’s bloodied face.
“Damn it, Cam,” Gideon swore as he hauled me off Oscar, because I let him.
My chest heaved as I surveyed the damage. One beaten and sputtering Oscar. At least six wide-eyed locals gawking at me in fear like the monster I was. The monster I’d nurtured and honed over the last ten years to ensure my survival.
“You good?” Gideon asked me quietly, but his grip had already gone slack. We both knew there was jack shit he could do if I decided to go at Oscar again.
I nodded, then curved the brim of my ball cap.
“Dude, he beat your ass and didn’t even lose his hat.”
I ignored the comment and turned toward the door, where Willow stood, her eyes sad with shit I didn’t even want to think about.
“Did you see that, Hall? You’d better arrest him for assault!” Oscar slurred.
Gideon’s jaw locked, and he looked at me with barely veiled anger. “See what, Oscar? You making an ass out of yourself and taunting this town’s only war hero at the expense of Judge Bradley’s own daughter?”
I picked up the water and moved toward the door.
“Cam,” Willow whispered, reaching for my hand.
The hand currently covered in Oscar’s blood because I still couldn’t control my damned temper. The hand I’d had on her an hour ago. I yanked it away so the blood couldn’t touch her, and she flinched.
Now I’d fucked that up, too.
I walked past her and chose the second door, the one that led to the back boardwalk instead of Main Street.
Crisp air hit my face, and I sucked it in, willing it to wash away the last ten minutes of my life. Hell, the last ten years.
“Cam,” Willow called softly as she shut the door behind her. “Are you okay?”
I scoffed, then laughed with sick sarcasm. “Am I okay?” I turned to face her. “I could have killed him without so much as breaking a sweat, Willow. I might have if you hadn’t been there.”
“But you didn’t.” She walked forward, and I backed away, shaking my head.
“Don’t.”
“You didn’t kill him. And he more than deserved getting punched in the face for what he said.” She wrapped her arms around her middle.
“You heard it.” Chalk another mark up on the things-I’ve-done-to-hurt-Willow board.
“He hit you with your worst fear, and I know how protective you are of me. Of course you’re going to hit him back.”
“Will you just stop?” I shouted.
She didn’t flinch or run, simply stood there and looked at me, accepting everything she shouldn’t.
“Stop defending me. Stop acting like the shit I’ve done is okay. Stop making excuses for me.”
“I love you.” Instead of running like any sane person would, she took a step forward.
“You shouldn’t! I just gave you another reason not to.” Because it didn’t matter that she was the very air in my lungs—at some point I was going to break her, despite my best intentions.
“But I do! I always have, and you know it. You can’t change my feelings because you’re uncomfortable. I’m not going to stand by and watch you self-destruct. I did it once, and I’ve never forgiven myself. Don’t ask me to do it again.” The wood beneath her feet creaked as she took another step toward me.
“Did it ever occur to you that I’m not capable of being saved? That ship sailed a decade ago. Hell, probably before then, if you ask my dad. Maybe you should listen to Oscar and go for Xander. He never makes a mistake. Never hurts someone he loves. I’ll inevitably ruin you. You get that, don’t you? What if the next time…God, what if I hurt you?”
“You won’t.” She still came forward.
I put up my hand, showing her the blood that filled the cracks of my knuckles. “This is all I have to give you, Willow. Hands that were made to rip the world apart and come stained with more blood than you’ll ever know, because I’ll never tell you the full extent of what I’ve done in the years I was gone.” That was a burden I’d never make her bear.
“Those same hands hold me. They build bridges and dams and restore old, broken mines. I’m not scared of your hands, Cam. I know what’s in your heart.”
But she didn’t. Because I hadn’t told her, hadn’t shown her the violence I was capable of, and I never would. That little show with Oscar? It was nothing. And what he’d said about her? That was only the beginning if she stayed with me.
It was the last gift I could give her—my silence and the freedom to walk away. “You know what I’ve allowed you to see. The guy you’ve been with for the last six weeks—”
“I know who you are! Don’t you dare insult me like that.” She marched right up to me and stared me down from nearly a foot below me.
“For once in your life, Pika, err on the side of self-preservation. Stop standing in front of loaded guns.” I held the water out to her, and she took it, still glowering at me. “I don’t want to scare Rose with the blood. Please take this to my father.”
“Camden,” she begged, but I had absolutely nothing left to give her.
I yanked my keys out of my pocket and put them on top of the water so she wouldn’t be stranded.
Then I walked right by her and didn’t stop.
She didn’t call after me.
Maybe she was finally learning.
Chapter Twenty
Willow
I handed the water to May and then took the empty chair at the table where Art sat, teaching Rose about the mine.
Numb. I felt…numb. Which was better than the gut-wrenching pain I’d felt watching Cam rip himself apart for something anyone in his position would have done.
I doubted my own father would have stood there and listened to someone say anything like that about my mother. Maybe he wouldn’t have been as lethally accurate, but he also hadn’t been trained Special Forces.
“Mr. Daniels, it’s time to take some medication,” May cajoled.
“No.”
She sighed. “He’s having an off day,” she explained with a flat smile.
Xander looked back, and his eyes softened in concern. “You all right, Willow?”
I shook my head slowly.
His mouth tightened. “Camden?”