I didn’t have to confirm what we both already knew.
He sighed and asked the woman he was helping if she wouldn’t mind waiting a minute before he walked over to me. “He’s… I don’t even know.”
“He’s Cam,” I said in explanation.
“He’s Cam,” Xander agreed. “Look, he’s always been hard. But I never worried about him, not in the way other people did. I never thought he was a lost cause or anything.” He dropped down and took my hand. “I’m not going to lie. I was pretty pissed when I heard you two were together. I love you like a little sister, and you’ve already been through so much. Just seems unfair for you to sign up for more.”
“He won’t hurt me.” Now if only I could get him to believe that. But how could I, when the rest of the world was telling him differently?
“Not intentionally,” he agreed. “I always knew Cam loved the deepest out of all of us. He’s willing to fight me for what he thinks is right so that I don’t do what he’s afraid I won’t forgive myself for. He would have killed for Sullivan—that’s how much he loved our brother.” Xander squeezed my hand gently. “And he’s always been willing to die for you, Willow. The mine, the fire…always.”
My eyes jerked to his. They were the same shade and shape Sullivan’s had been, but it didn’t hit me in the gut the way it used to.
“I’m torn,” he admitted. “Because I love you enough to beg you to get away from him. But I love him enough to beg you not to leave him. Not to give up on him. Because I honestly think you’re the one person who can rebuild him—or break him. He’s way past ever listening to me.”
“I’ll never give up on him, Xander. I love him. I’ve always loved Camden.” I loaded each word so he understood the full value of what I was telling him.
His eyes squeezed shut, and he sucked in an audible breath. The way he nodded slowly told me that he got the message. When he opened his eyes, they were clear of the condemnation I’d expected. After all, he’d loved Sullivan more than Cam, and we both knew it.
He simply squeezed my hand and pressed his lips in a thin line as he nodded again. “I’m so sorry, and selfishly, I’m so glad. He’s his own worst enemy. You know that, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” He stood and let go of my hand. “Hey, Rose, why don’t you come and sit with me for a second so my dad will take his medication? I think you might just be too smart for him to walk away from.” He held his hand out to Rose, and she came around the table to take it. “Come on. I’ll teach you how to judge some ore.”
I sat, my eyes unfocused on the map of the mine, while May managed to coax Arthur into taking his medication. The carbon monoxide poisoning had weakened his heart, giving his sons yet another reason to worry about his health.
Eventually, he sat next to me, his finger tracing the paths in the mine. I saw pieces of Cam in him, but only small ones. The shape of his nose. The narrowing of his eyes in focus.
So much of Cam was his mom. Especially his heart.
Art looked up and smiled at where Xander sat with Rose. “He’s a good one, Alexander. Always the first to help.”
“So is Cam,” I said softly.
Art’s eyebrows furrowed as he glanced my way and then back down to the mine.
“Why?” The question slipped free before I could stop myself.
Art’s hand stilled on the map, but he didn’t look my way.
“Why couldn’t you just love him the way you love Xander? The way you loved Sullivan? He was just as worthy, even if he wasn’t perfect.”
The shop behind us was packed with the hum of tourists, and Art was so quiet that I wondered if he’d even heard me.
“There’s a balance,” he finally said, his voice low.
“What?”
“Good. Evil. Right. Wrong. Karma. It’s as old as the first brothers in the Bible. Whatever you want to call it, the universe keeps us in balance.” He trailed his finger down the oldest tunnel in the mine, searching for something I couldn’t see.
“And you think Cam…” I shook my head. What was I even thinking, asking a man whose mind had long since quit being dependable.
“Xander was born all sunshine and smiles. He was perfect. Lillian was so happy. And I knew that if we had another one, balance might not be on our side. It wasn’t for my parents.” He leaned over the table, following the 1880 tunnel down to the lower levels, where the tunnels wound back on each other.
“Cal?” It was widely known that there was no love lost between the brothers.
He nodded. “Cal. But then Camden was born. And he was beautiful. Loud and demanding and full of life. Always looking around, even as a newborn. And Lillian… She…became so unhappy. Cried all the time. Wouldn’t get out of bed. Couldn’t stand the sight of him. Of any of us. And I knew that Cam was the balance. He was the cost of the happiness Xander brought.”
A weight settled on my chest as my stomach hit the ground. “Depression,” I whispered so softly that I knew he couldn’t have heard me.
“She just disappeared into herself, and Cam screamed his head off. Took forever for her to come back to me, and when she did, and Sullivan was born…” He paused, narrowing his eyes again at a ventilation shaft before shaking his head and continuing to trace the 1880 tunnel. “When Sullivan was born, I knew that the balance had been tipped again. That we’d have to pay. You can’t have that much good in your life and not pay for it. That’s not how it works. Everything has a price, Hope; you know that. You’ve seen it, too.”
I blinked rapidly. He thought I was my mother.
“And Lillian saw it, too. The balance. The way Cam just…” He shook his head. “That’s why she loved him more than the others. Felt like she had to make it up to him.”
“She tried to make up for you not loving him,” I argued.
“Too much bad in that boy. Too much violence.”
“He wasn’t.” I pleaded for his understanding in a hushed whisper. “Not as a kid. I was there.”
“Then the balance righted itself. Took Lillian right out of my hands. But I still had those two good boys.” A tear slipped down his cheek, and guilt racked me with nausea. What kind of monster was I to bully a sick man? “So Cam took Sullivan.”
The guilt vanished.
“No,” I said firmly enough that he looked over at me. “Cam loved Sullivan. He protected him. He would never have hurt him. It wasn’t his fault. Cam. Loved. Sullivan.”