Dedication
For everyone who asked for more.
Chapter 1
Ava
Dear Steele,
I feel like I've known you my entire life, and it shouldn’t be shocking that I feel the way I do. I’m sure to you it would be, though. I know Heather would be pissed if she ever found out I’ve been in love with you for so long.
Some days, I don’t even feel like we’re friends anymore. We just go through the motions, I guess. I’m not even sure I’m sad about it; I know she uses me.
I’m sorry… that’s your sister. I shouldn’t complain. At least I’m not alone when I’m at school. She lets me sit with her friends instead of by myself.
High school sucks. I remember watching you when we were younger. You were always so outgoing; people gravitated towards you like a beacon of light. I think that’s one reason I fell so deeply in love with you. You never once treated anyone with anything but respect. I never felt like an outsider with you around.
I'm not sure when it happened, but over the past two years, I’ve gradually grown to love you. I’m sure my presence is not even a blip on your radar, but I always tried my best to be around when you were on leave. You’ve become such an exceptional man, and I’m already jealous of the woman who will one day steal your heart.
I used to pay close attention to you when you came home. The way you moved was always with purpose. When your parents threw that huge pool party, I spent almost half the time faking sickness so I could watch you from the upstairs bathroom without being caught. Admiring as the water trickled down your firm muscles every time you left the pool filled my dreams for months. The way your skin would ripple with each stroke of your arms in the water never fails to make me shiver when I think about it.
I miss you, Steele, so much. Things have gotten tense at home with my parents' impending divorce, and neither want to leave the house behind. I’m 18, so I don’t think they care too much about what happens with me. With graduation in just a few weeks and my acceptance to Berkeley, I don't have time to ponder whether they do or not. I just want out of here.
I wish I could send you this letter. I wish I could confess my love for you face to face. I wish for so many things that will never be.
Always yours,
Ava
Folding the letter I know I’ll never send but pull out often to read since writing it two weeks ago, I startle when Heather leans over my shoulder. “What’s that?” she asks.
“Jesus, Heather,” I rush out, holding my filled hand to my heart. “Can’t you knock?” There’s a party tonight, and for some reason, she’s invited me.
“So what is it?” She never can let anything go.
Stuffing the paper in my underwear drawer, I reply, “Nothing important. Let’s go.”
I shouldn’t have left the room first. I would have seen her go back for it. I would have found out her hatred for me was complete.
I just shouldn’t have left first…
Chapter 2
Steele
It’s been almost three weeks since I received Ava’s letter confessing her love for me, only I’m almost certain she wasn’t the sender. She’s right about Heather using her, though. My little sister went from funny and sweet to vindictive and cold-hearted overnight a couple of years back.
I don’t know how it happened or when, hell, even why. She was suddenly just filled with all this hate towards anyone close to her. Especially Ava.
I often wonder if she knows Heather sent it and whether I should write her back. Ava has been reserved since the day we met. She’s not extremely outgoing, but man, can she be funny. And quirky. Cute as hell too.
Until I received her letter, I don’t think I thought of her that way, but now, looking back, there was always this connection to each other. I speculate on what it would be like to have her at home waiting for me. What her lips would taste like the first time I kiss her. Will she grip my biceps as our tongues duel, or will she wrap her arms around my back to pull me closer? Does she like being kissed along her neck or does she prefer across her shoulder?
“Jesus, Lieutenant, when are you going to write her back?” My friend Garth, and fellow bunkmate, asks over my shoulder.
“I don’t know if I should,” I respond.
“This your sister’s cute friend?” he asks, and my gaze flips from the letter to the man, wondering how the hell he knows. “Steele, you’ve been talking about her since we arrived back here, six months ago.”
Shit. “I have?” How the hell did I not notice that?
“Yup, and isn’t that her picture under the pillow on your bunk?” Damn.
Leaning back in my chair, I try to recall all the times I’ve spoken about Ava, and he’s right, I do talk about her. A lot.
Standing, I stride to my bunk and pull out the picture. The edges are frayed, and the color has faded. Because every damn night, I’m looking at it.
Goddamn. He’s right.
I suppose I have my answer now.
I’m writing Ava back.
What the hell do I say?
Rummaging through my trunk, I find the pictures our unit took last month and pull a couple out. It’s been a long fucking time since I’ve seen Ava in the flesh, and now that I’m romantically thinking about her, I want to make sure I’m clear about my interest.
Pictures will hopefully help.
I include one of my entire unit, one of me and our K-9, and two of me: one shooting at target practice and the other without a shirt, playing a game of basketball.
Shoving the images in the envelope, I stare blankly at the piece of paper, wondering what the fuck I’m supposed to write.
Chapter 3
Ava
Searching through my bag for my keys, I curse myself for taking the extra shift at the coffee shop. It’s dark, cold, and I can smell the rain yearning to fall. But I need the money. Since my parents’ divorce, Mom has been travelling like crazy after selling my childhood home, and Dad has a new girlfriend who’s pregnant.
Sure, college is paid for, my dorm is paid for. Everything is paid for. But I’m left alone, with no family. I work, I study, I go to school. My friends are few and far between.
Heather laughed when I confronted her about my letter to Steele when I realized it was missing the next day. After insulting me about how pathetic I was and telling me what a loser she thought me to be, she then confessed to mailing it. I haven’t spoken to her since then.
When I moved on campus, I made sure to have all my mail forwarded to the dorms, just in case Steele wrote me back. But it’s been a few months, and I haven’t heard anything from the man. I struggle daily between crushing disappointment, embarrassment, and heartache.
Finally getting the building door open, I slip inside just as the rain lets loose. Unlocking my mailbox, I have junk, bills, and flyers. Exciting, not. The building is quiet and eerie as I climb the three flights to my dorm room. I’m not normally out this late.
Entering my room, which is more like a small apartment because I am fortunate that my dad is loaded, so he made sure I had my own space, at least, before ditching me for the new family. After dropping my mail and keys on the small entrance table, one envelope slips to the ground, and as I close the door with my hip and lean down to pick it up at the same time, I nearly fall on my ass when I see the return address.