When she unsealed her eyelids, our eyes met through the mirror. She was refusing to look at herself. I waited until her eyes slipped from mine and she was staring at her reflection. Her eyes were puffy and red but there were no more tears.
“You’re not the girl in the drawing, this is you. The image of how you see yourself is a lie. You’re so beautiful and it’s time you start believing that.”
She didn’t say a word and continued to blankly stare at her reflection. I couldn’t read her mind, however, I hoped she was grasping the huge difference between who she was and what her mind told her.
“Remember how I told you that I’d never judge your pain or tell you to stop hurting?” She didn’t answer. “I’m not trying to do that nor invalidate your feelings, because I know they are real. But if you step outside of yourself then you’ll realize that you’re creating a false reality.”
She remained immobile and mute.
Swallowing, I crouched, held on to the hem of her dress and slowly stood up, pulling the dress up with me. I brought my hands to a halt when the dress reached her upper thighs, below her hips.
Christina closed her eyes again and whimpered. She took a deep breath. I brought the dress higher up. She raised her hands and the dress was off. Straightaway she hugged her chest and hunched forward. Quivering, she lowered her head.
I saw the stretch marks. It was undeniable how numerous and visible they were, especially the ones climbing up her stomach. What I didn’t understand was the problem with it. It didn’t repulse me. They were like sea waves or vines drawn on her skin. The marks didn’t take anything away from her. There was nothing wrong with her body—Christina was an incredibly attractive woman.
I traced a few of the lines on her skin and she cringed. Gently, I took her hands away from her chest, bringing them down to her sides.
“There is nothing wrong with you, gorgeous.” I smiled. “Absolutely nothing.”
She spun and embraced me hiding from her reflection. I kissed her hair running my hands up and down her back trying to calm her.
“You are so gorgeous,” I whispered, holding on as tightly as I could, hoping she could sense that I wasn’t going anywhere. “You are perfect the way you are. I wouldn’t change a thing about your body.”
She pulled back and looked up at me through her lashes. Her cheeks flushed and she wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
“Do you still like me?” she said, hiccupping.
“More than I did yesterday.”
“My body is—”
I cut her off, not needing to know what depreciating words were going to fall from her lips. “Don’t.”
She smiled, but it wasn’t a heartfelt smile. “I’m sorry for hitting you.”
“Are you still mad at me?”
“Yes, a little bit.”
Somehow, I felt and knew she’d be fine. We’d be alright.
I realized that I was in love with her. All of her. Her soul. Her tempestuous personality was what lured me into her. The warmth of her body was what I craved, and her touch what I coveted. When she smiled, it seemed like I could overcome the world. When our eyes exchanged looks it was as if everything was exactly right where they belonged. These feelings I had for her were stronger than admiration. I was falling for her like a descending comet.
Sunday, she didn’t get out of bed the entire day. She refused to eat, she didn’t want to talk, and to make matters worse, Rowan wouldn’t stop calling. I left Christina in the room and snuck out to take his call.
“What?”
“Where the fuck are you?”
“Gym.”
“Fucking shit, Ezra. How hard is it to keep your phone close by? We need you right now at the restaurant.”
“What for?”
“Come and you will see. Be here in the next ten minutes.” The line disconnected.
Christina was curled into a ball hugging her pillow when I returned. I took my keys from the nightstand, sat on the bed next to her, and then ran my hand through her hair.
“Christina,” I called. She didn’t move. “I have to go.” That got a reaction out of her.
She clutched my arm scowling, her eyes searching mine. “Don’t leave me, Ezra.”
Her intense, almost troubled words pierced through me. Her eyes told me exactly what she meant and she wasn’t referring to just that moment.
“I won’t,” I vowed, making a promise I wasn’t sure I’d be capable of keeping.
Nodding, she released my arm.
“I’ll be back later. I have somewhere to be and then I’ll drop by my house to grab an overnight bag.”
She nodded again and spoke softly, “Where do you go when you disappear?”
My heart spiked with pain. I didn’t want to lie to her but I wasn’t ready to tell her the truth either. I feared she would turn away once she knew everything.
“I’ll tell you everything, I promise. Just not right now.”
Chapter Twenty
Christina
Ezra didn’t return last night and I couldn’t sleep. I kept hoping he’d come back at any moment. But he didn’t. He lied to me. I conjured up a thousand awful scenarios in which he finally understood the depths of my insecurities and left. I was accustomed to living with this hollowness in my chest, yet this time it was different. I felt emptier. It scared me.
Countless times I thought about calling him, but I’d talked myself out of it each time. It was bad enough he’d seen me breakdown. I didn’t need to show him how desperate I was. There was still an ounce of pride left in me.
The sound of my phone vibrating on the desk dragged me from my thoughts and once I saw who the text was from, I was filled with hope. Maybe all wasn’t lost after all.
Ezra: I’m so sorry I couldn’t come back last night.
My heart lit up.
Christina: Couldn’t or didn’t want to come back?
Ezra: COULD NOT. I’m sorry.
Ezra: I won’t be in today either but I want you to meet me after work.
Ezra: I want to take you out on a proper first date.
Ezra: Please say yes. I’ll be heartbroken if you say no.
He’d been thinking about me. I giggled.
Christina: NO!
Ezra: My heart just broke. I’m practically dead.
Ezra: Please fulfill a dying man’s wish and let me take you out.
Christina: Fine, but only because it’s a dying man’s wish.
Ezra: Thank you. Pick you up at seven. Wear something fancy.
I was ready right on time in a stylish, silver dress. My hair was up in a slick high ponytail, I wore light makeup, and finished the look with a pair of killer, four-inch stilettos. The dress was shorter than anything I’d normally wear but it was a stunning dress.
I gauged my reflection through the elevator doors as the car arrived to take me down. I sighed, not allowing my mind to gallop towards places that would upset me. When the doors skimmed open, I sashayed toward the exit. My body heated once I spied Ezra fiddling with his hair.