Prologue
Ezra
Emotional pain wasn’t similar to the searing ache of a cut or bruise. It was deeper. Scarier. Stronger. Sometimes the pain was at the back of my mind like a dull throb. Other times, like now, it pushed itself forward demanding attention. Gripping my heart with its claws until it pierced through it. I didn’t even try to hide the agony. Everything I felt was plastered across my face.
“I’m sorry, Ezra, but ...” Melissa said, shaking her head.
“I—it’s okay,” I managed and moved back from my impulsive attempt to kiss her. Embarrassed, my entire body wilted. “Is it because of that Andrew guy?”
“No,” she muttered. “I don’t think you and I will work.”
“How do you know?” There was no point arguing any further, I could sense it, but I gave it one last plea. “You’ve never given us a chance.”
She shrugged. “I just know, Ezra. You’re a great guy but ...”
“Do you like him?”
“I like him. I like him a lot. I can’t explain it, but once you experience it then you’ll understand what I mean.” She reached for my hand and squeezed. “You’ll find her someday. I’m just not the girl for you.”
That was it. That was the end.
As she climbed out of my car, I avoided the urge to look back and watch her disappear into the dark streets. Instead, my grip tightened around the steering wheel as a muscle in my jaw twitched. A thick layer of darkness enveloped like strong arms pulling me into an abyss. My posture was so tense that I sat forward, body hunched, instead of leaning back against the seat.
Exhaling, I forced my stance to straighten and turned on the radio, Bon Iver was halfway through the chorus of I Can’t Make You Love Me.
“Shit,” I cursed, switching stations and drove without a specific course.
After a while, I noticed that I was driving by Vella—a bar I regularly frequented. Rapidly, I hit the brakes and the car shrieked to a halt.
I glanced at the clock on the dashboard, realizing the bar didn’t open for another thirty minutes. But since the doors were ajar, I got out of my car and dashed in. Save for a few employees honing the room for opening, the space was vacant and the lights were dim.
“Hey, man, wasup?” Neo, the bartender, sang enthusiastically over his shoulder, packing bottles onto a shelf. “Whatcha doing here so early?”
“I need a drink.”
He stopped what he was doing and gave me his attention. “Oh, man!” He laughed as his mind caught up. “Today was that big date yo’ ass been talking about. And it don’t seem like it went well.”
A dull thud ramped up in my temples.
“Man, don’t beat yourself up because of a piece of ass. No matter how fine.” He placed a glass in front of me and poured a clear liquid into it. “These girls all want the same thing.”
I tossed back the glass and growled as the liquid descended through my throat, burning a path straight into my chest. “And what’s that?” I thumped the cup onto the counter and gazed up at him.
Neo had a wide smile on his face as the bar lights hit his tawny beige skin. He exhibited his perfectly aligned teeth as if he was about to impart upon me the secret to immortality. “Money. Chicks want money.”
“Melissa isn’t like that. She’s not a gold digger.”
He sniggered, pouring me another and a few drops fell to the side. “None of them are. Until they see the gold and start digging like they in the Klondike.” He pulled a cloth from his black apron and wiped the counter.
I passed a hand through my dark hair. The strands were brushing over my shoulders and occasionally falling on my face.
“I bet that lawyer guy who got himself nice wheels and a whole lot of expensive shit is doing her now. Money, ma friend, can open doors and spread legs.”
I was too wrecked to argue with him. No matter what he said, I doubted Melissa was the type. But it made me think … would Melissa have been more inclined to be involved with me if I had nicer things? A fancier car?
“Listen.” He placed a heavy hand on my shoulder. “I’ve told you about ma friend, right? The one who’s been helping me earn a lil’ extra. I do some stuff fo’ him and I get paid. I’m talkin’ money fo’ reals.”
I swatted his hand away. This wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned this friend of his, and I never indulged in this conversation. However, tonight was different. What if I stepped out of line for once?
My brow arched with curiosity. “What kind of stuff?”
He shrugged. “I run some errands fo’ him. Last week I made maself a nice 5G. Just. Like. That. I can hook you up.”
I shook my head, debating with my conscience. “Not interested.”
“C’mon, man. Look at you. Yo’ ass has been working non-stop since high school fo’ your uncle. You twenty-five en’ have nothin’ to show fo’ yo’ hard work. When do ya think you’ll be able to afford to take that Melissa on a real date? Or buy her some real bling? Never. Come check it out. If you like it, you can roll with us. If not, walk away.”
I guided another shot to my mouth and swallowed thickly. The afterburn of the liquor was stronger this time. At that exact point, I shut my brain down. The only thing I focused on were my emotions and they were a tumultuous mess.
What Neo said made sense. Andrew could give Melissa things that I might not ever be capable of providing. The memory of her rejection hit me hard sending another shockwave of pain. My chest constricted and all I wanted was to forget her and rid myself of the suffering.
For years I loved Melissa, but it was time to let her go. I would get over her. I had to.
But the decision I made after that heart-shattering rejection, was the biggest mistake of my life. If I had the chance to go back in time and change one event, that would be it, because whenever something seemed too good to be true, it usually was.
Chapter One
Ezra
Nine months later
Iheard the first shot, then Neo flopped to the ground. The boom crackled loudly through the night sky. More gunshots echoed around me as I dropped to my knees and hunched over Neo’s body, so much blood oozed out of his chest. Then silence returned thicker than it was before the shots, as if, everything around us suspended its breath.
“C’mon, man,” I said, placing a hand over the wound. His warm blood seeped between my fingers and it felt no different from wet mud. “You can’t die on me.” But he was dying. I saw it in his eyes and worst of all, I witnessed the exact second he expelled his last breath.
It all happened so fast.
Seconds later, cars screeched away from the parking lot, lights on full beam and a few men zoomed past me on foot. I muted every sound and couldn’t peel my eyes away from Neo. I’d never been this close to a cadaver before. My pulse raced. Fear gripped at my gut and my insides swirled. One by one, I lost control of my limbs until my head slumped forward. The smell of blood whirled up my nostrils. It was a dry, sweet metallic scent that took on a vile pungency suffocating my breath.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. We were expected to make a delivery and walk away like we always did. Death was never part of the plan even though it always loomed over us.