But you’re not the messiah, you’re just the devil’s in sheep’s clothes
So cut me open and I will bleed, oh you’re poison...
You’re poison in my veins.
* * *
I looked over at Levi. He too was lost in the lyrics, in the meaning behind them. No one knew the truth, they never would. It was a secret that would die with us, but we knew.
We lived with the burden every single minute of every day.
* * *
Poison, poison in my veins...
* * *
Our voices held the last note, my gravelly tone wrapping around his raw screech. Even on stage, I couldn’t help but want to protect him; to reassure him and hold him up. We weren’t only brothers; we were all the other had. Sure, we had Damon and Hudson and the band and all that came with it, but nobody would ever know me the way Levi knew me. Or know my brother the way I knew him. What we shared transcended the bonds of family, of brothers. It was part of us, weaved inextricably into the fiber of our beings.
The music faded, the pain that always came with singing that song lingering deep in my soul. I wiped my brow with the back of my hand and looked out at the crowd. It was always the same; a sea of faceless people. But tonight, my eyes found solace in a pair of ocean eyes.
Eva stood with Letty right where I’d left them, and although I couldn’t be certain, I was sure I saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes. The sudden applause from the crowd broke our connection though. Levi stalked toward me, slinging his arm over my shoulder.
“Thought you might appreciate something from our early days. Although my brother, here, might disagree.” He grinned at me and I wanted nothing more than to knock his head off his shoulders. “I love this sonofabitch more than anything. He likes to stay hidden behind his guitar, but he’s got a killer voice too. What do you say? Do you think my bro Rafe can sing?”
“Quit it,” I gritted out, forcing a smile to our rapt audience. He’d done it. Levi had won over a room full of industry types; men with fat wallets and women with expensive habits.
Damon caught my eye and shook his head, hardly surprised. I rolled my eyes. Levi was a cocky motherfucker. The perpetual thorn in my side. But he was also my blood and despite our differences, I loved him something fierce.
Humoring him, I cupped the mic and said, “I appreciate the applause but don’t get too used to it. I prefer the shadows not the spotlight.”
Levi let out a hearty laugh. He seemed in a particularly good mood tonight; that or he was high. Which meant he was using, again. Moving to center stage again, he winked at me and then declared, “Good job for my brother, I fucking love the spotlight. Hud, I’m feeling kinda Dirty, give me a beat.”
The sound of his drums rattled around my chest and for the next thirty minutes we played an intimate set for our audience. By the time we were done, my shirt was soaked and my throat was dry, but my skin tingled in the best possible fucking way. Unlike my brother, I’d never needed a synthetic high. This was enough.
The music.
The lyrics.
The adrenaline pumping through my veins.
It was enough to settle my demons and soothe my soul.
“I need a drink,” I declared, running a hand through my damp hair.
“Drink? I need a good hard fuck.”
“You ever considered getting help with that?” I teased Hudson.
“What like sex therapy? Nah, man, ain’t a problem unless you make it one.” He shot me a wink and then took off towards a group of waiting women.
“Hey,” I grabbed Levi as he went to walk away, “what was that?” His brows bunched together as he stared at me. “Don’t do that, Lev. Don’t pretend like that wasn’t something. We don’t sing that song. We never sing that song.”
He shrugged as if it was no big deal.
But we both knew it was a big fucking deal.
“It’s nothing. Chill.”
I searched his face for a clue he was lying. Levi was a master in deception. A chameleon when it came to hiding his true feelings or intentions. Sometimes he wore his mood for all to see: depressed, high, excited, angry. They were the things we were all used to, the things we could deal with. But it was the times he masked the truth that caught us off guard. The times he chalked up his wild behavior to boredom or restlessness, even our messed-up childhood. The times you didn’t know whether he was high on drugs or high on the ride.
He cracked a smile, squeezing my shoulder. “Relax, little brother, I’m good. Everything is good.”
Warning bells started sounding in my head, a distant jingle hinting that something wasn’t right. But before I could push him for answers, we were swarmed by people. “Great set, Levi. I’d love to talk to you...” My brother and the man melted into the crowd, leaving me to deal with a group of women old enough to be my mother. The thought made bile burn my throat.
“Rafe, that voice, you’ve been holding out on us.” One of them wrapped perfectly manicured nails around my arm. “So deep and sultry.” She batted her heavily made up eyes at me.
“Excuse me, ladies.” Riley appeared, flicking her hair off her shoulder. “But I need to borrow Rafe for a second.”
The woman beside me pouted, her free hand dipping into her purse. Before I could step away, she pressed something into my hand. “Call me,” she mouthed, licking her bottom lip, hunger blazing in her eyes.
Jesus. Women like her were a dime a dozen. It didn’t matter I was barely twenty and not legally old enough to buy them a drink. I was Rafe fucking Hunter and women all wanted their chance to bed a rock star.
“Going to keep that?” Riley dropped her gaze to my fist as we walked away from the women.
“Never do.”
“Is it always like that?”
“What do you think?” She gave me a weak smile. “Thanks for the save, though. I appreciate it.”
“Yeah, well, despite what your brother might think about me, I really do have your best interests at heart.” Riley flagged down a bartender and ordered. “Margarita extra lime, please. Rafe?”
“Just a beer please.” I slid onto the stool next to her, tapping my fingers against the black gloss counter.
“Your set was great.”
“Thanks. It’s not our usual crowd.”
“Levi seemed to win them all over in the end. Alistair is in high demand.” Her eyes flicked over to a booth where Alistair was seated with a group of suits, no doubt negotiating the band’s future.
“He’s never off the clock.” The bartender pushed a beer my way and I snatched it up, taking a long pull.
“Are you?” Her eyes bored into mine, asking me things I didn’t want to answer. Things she had no right to assume.
“Listen, I—”
“I’m probably going to get into a shit ton of trouble for this.” My brother’s voice echoed over the mic, and I glanced over at the stage to find him standing there again. “But I’ve never been one to follow the rules, and I’m not about to start now.”
A rumble of laughter reverberated around me, but I wasn’t laughing. “As most of you know, we’ve kept our special guest under wraps until now. But she’s here with us tonight, and I thought what better way to introduce her than with a song, just for you guys. Country,” he said, “get up here up and sing with me.”