“Fantastic, Ali boy?” Levi snorted. “It was fucking epic.”
“It was good, Levi, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. And we need to talk about this thing with Eva.”
“Yeah, yeah,” my brother barged past our manager, “we can talk later. I need to eat.”
Damon caught my eye and frowned. I shrugged. Eating was better than getting high or letting off steam inside a bottle of Jack.
“Hey, where’s Letty and Eva?” Hudson asked Alistair who was shooting daggers at my brother’s retreating form.
“They went back to the bus.”
“Already?”
“Something about Eva feeling overwhelmed. I didn’t ask.”
That annoyed me for some reason. Alistair was supposed to be looking out for Eva.
“I need a shower and then I could eat, I guess.” Hudson pulled his sweat-soaked t-shirt off his back and balled it up to wipe his face, taking off down the hall.
“Don’t wander too far, we need to be on the road tonight.”
“No problem,” I said. Damon gave us a nod and disappeared down the hall leaving the two of us. “Levi’s stunt could have backfired tonight.”
“You saw the crowd, Rafe, they lapped it up.” I saw the cogs turning in Alistair’s expression. He didn’t like that Levi had gone off script again, but he knew it had paid off.
We all did.
It didn’t mean I had to like it though.
“Is there something you want to say?” His eyes narrowed.
“Nah, I’m good. I’ll make sure the guys are on the bus within the hour.” I took off toward the dressing rooms. I couldn’t trust myself to be around Alistair right now, or my brother. But when I passed Eva’s room and heard tears, I couldn’t think about anything but checking she was okay.
Slipping inside, I closed the door and turned the lock. “Eva?”
“Oh, Rafe, I... uh...” She dried her eyes, avoiding looking directly at me. “I just needed a minute.”
“You’re supposed to be on the bus.”
“I was but I couldn’t find my cell phone.”
“You could have sent Letty to look for it.” She had to get used to using the people around us and letting them do their jobs.
“Confession. I wanted five minutes alone.”
“I can...” I thumbed to the door.
“No, don’t,” she blurted out, her cheeks burning the second she realized what she’d said. “I mean, you don’t have to leave, unless you want to.” She finally gave me her big ocean eyes, and fuck, if I wanted nothing more than to drown in them.
She was so beautiful, even with tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Did something upset you? It wasn’t my brother was it? I’m sorry he ambushed you like that again.”
“It’s okay. I actually really enjoy performin’ with him.” She might as well have stabbed me in the heart. “I mean, it’s petrifyin’ and surreal but it’s kinda fun too.”
“Well you rocked it. The crowd loved you.”
“Yeah?” The smile lit up her whole face. “What did you think?”
“I...” I swallowed hard. She was no longer crying, her eyes glittering with something else entirely.
“I rendered you speechless, huh? I hope that’s a good thing.”
Eva’s laugh was like my own personal lullaby. I wanted to bottle it. To keep it with me always.
“You were fucking amazing,” I finally said, breaking the thick silence.
We’d moved closer, gravitating like magnets unable to resist the pull. “Why are you here, Rafe?” she whispered.
“I heard you crying.” I wanted to see you.
“I’m not cryin’ anymore, you should probably go.”
“What if I don’t want to go?” What if I want to stay here, locked in this room with you for all eternity?
“What do you want, Rafe?”
You, I just want you.
I inched closer, desperate to touch her, to feel her soft skin beneath my fingers again. I needed to leave, to turn around and get the hell out of here before things went too far. Before I did something I couldn’t take back. But all I could see was her on stage smiling at my brother, singing with him. Laughing with him.
When it should have been me.
Everything was so messed up, and we were only a couple days into the tour. What would it be like in a month? Two? By the time the tour ended?
“Rafe?” Eva stared up at me with lust and longing in her eyes. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
Jesus, she was too good, too pure, to be stuck in the middle of this mess. She wasn’t supposed to be here and yet, there a part of me that was so fucking relieved she was.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I said, reiterating the same thing I’d said to her too many times before. Only, my conviction was no longer there.
Hurt flashed in her eyes but it quickly gave way to anger. “Stop pretendin’ you don’t feel it. I know you do,” she rasped. “I feel it every time you look at me. I just wish you’d tell me what happened.”
Her words reverberated through me. She saw through me. It was almost a relief to know Eva knew the truth; that she knew how hard it had been keeping her at arm’s length. But it was bittersweet because it still changed nothing.
Then she said five little words that made me see red. “I think Levi likes me.”
“Is that right?” I deadpanned, barely holding onto the thin line of control that kept me going off the deep end. “You think my brother is going to sweep you off your feet?”
“No, I didn’t... that isn’t what I meant.”
I crowded Eva against the wall, pressing one of my hands at the side of her head. “You think just because Levi flirts with you, it means you’re special?”
“Rafe,” panic filled her voice, “that isn’t what I meant.”
“So what, Angel?” I threw his nickname for Eva at her, feeling anger zip up my spine. “What exactly did you mean?”
“It should have been you, okay?” she shrieked, her words like a jagged knife slicing me open. “It should have been you reassuring me and making me feel like I can do it. It should have been you, Rafe. But it was Levi. It wasn’t you and I still don’t know why.”
“Because I can’t have you!” The words tore from my throat, raw and painful. Eva gasped, jerking back against the wall. I dropped my head to the crook of her neck, breathing her in. It was the worst possible thing I could have done because all I could imagine was kissing her there. Tasting her salty-sweet skin.
“What do you mean you can’t have me?” Eva’s fingers slid under my jaw and tilted my face to hers. “I was yours, Rafe. I was yours and you cast me aside like I was nothing.”
Even now I couldn’t tell her the truth, so I did the only thing I could think of to distract her—the one thing I’d wanted to do since she walked into Razorsharp Records HQ.
I kissed her.
My hands drifted to either side of Eva’s neck, teasing the soft curls there, as I brushed my lips over hers. She opened for me willingly, letting me push my tongue inside and swirl it with her own.