Told myself I’d make it, would fight ‘til the end.
And I lied.
* * *
Because all it takes is a second for everything to change.
* * *
I woke with a start. My eyes strained against my unfamiliar surroundings. Where was I?
Oh.
Levi’s room.
I was in Levi’s room.
“He’s been like that for hours.” Rafe’s voice was flat. I tried to sit up to better see him, but Levi had wrapped himself around me like a child.
Or a lover.
I pushed the unwanted thought out of my head.
Gently inching Levi’s hand off my stomach, I sat up, pushing the hair from my face. “What time is it?”
“After three.”
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
Rafe let out a shaky breath. “I haven’t seen him sleep so peacefully for years.”
“He has nightmares?”
Rafe nodded.
“I should go.” It had felt necessary to be here earlier but now it felt wrong.
Now it felt like a betrayal to Rafe.
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” I said, hoping he would understand.
“I know.” He stood up and offered me his hand. I slid my palm into his and let him pull me to my feet. Levi stirred, mumbling something inaudible but quickly settled again.
Rafe leaned in, and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he breathed in deeply and then moved away. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your room.”
The suite was quiet as we left Levi’s room and headed for the door.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I didn’t mean to—”
“Eva,” Rafe palmed my cheeks, “never be sorry for caring. Did I hate seeing you like that with him? Of course I did. But part of me is also so grateful that you were here. It doesn’t usually end so well when Levi loses it, but you... he responds to you.” Sadness washed over his expression, as if he already thought he’d lost me.
“This is very confusing,” I admitted. Not because I felt for Levi what I felt for Rafe, I didn’t. But I couldn’t deny I did feel something. It wasn’t as intense or as wrapped up in desire like the way my feelings for Rafe were, but it was there.
“It’s you I want, Rafe.”
“I know.” He curved a hand around my neck and drew me close, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “You should go. It’s late and we have a busy day tomorrow.” But Rafe didn’t move. There, in the cloak of darkness, he held me while I buried my face in his neck and silently wished things could be different. That things could be simple. That we could just be Rafe and Eva.
But we weren’t just Rafe and Eva.
We were Eva and Black Hearts Still Beat.
We were Eva and Rafe... and Levi.
And nothing about that was simple.
Rafe
“LA, you’re looking as sexy as fuck tonight,” my brother yelled into the mic. He was high on the rush, bouncing on the balls of his feet, his inked skin on display. Our stylists had long given up trying to make him wear the outfits they used to carefully pick out for him every show. Levi Hunter did his own thing, and everyone else could either get on board or go fuck themselves.
Strutting across the stage, he ran a hand through his hair. “Are you ready to rock?”
The crowd’s ferocious cheer almost blew me away. They were amped, anticipation rippling around the Staples Center. Eva and Letty were standing in the wings, and I couldn’t resist glancing over at them. She grinned and I smiled back. It had been less than twenty-four hours since Levi had lost it. Less than twenty-four hours since I watched the girl who held my heart in the palm of her hand, comfort my brother. Seeing them lying there asleep, Levi curled into her body, had almost fucking killed me. I’d sat there in the shadows, watching for hours, my jaw clenched, my fist curled against my thigh. I wanted to pick her up and take her far, far away from him. But Eva was right.
It was confusing.
Because as much as I didn’t want my brother to have her, I couldn’t deny seeing how much she calmed him gave me a sense of peace. It was a mind fuck—wanting her but wanting him to have part of her too.
Damon dropped the opening beat to Monsters in the Dark, pulling me back into the moment as Levi howled the lyrics in the night.
* * *
Sun fades, darkness comes, and I don’t want to be here,
I don’t want to see
Shadows rein, nightmares live, and I don’t want to move,
I don’t want to see
* * *
Beat me, berate me, but you can’t break me.
Beat me, berate me, but you can’t break me.
* * *
The lights go off and I don’t want to sleep. I can’t let go, and I know I can’t show that I’m afraid... I’m afraid of monsters in the dark
* * *
Beat me, berate me, but you can’t break me.
Beat me, berate me, but you can’t break me.
* * *
I’ll fight, I’ll resist, I won’t give in… I won’t give in to the monsters in the dark
* * *
He didn’t just sing the lyrics, he bled them out all over the stage. Every song we’d penned was personal: our story, the gritty details of our childhood weaved into every word. But we never publicly admitted it. Time and time again, we had been asked what our songs meant, about the dark and depraved meaning behind the lyrics. And time and time again we gave the same answer, they were just words.
Messed up words from four messed up guys.
We all knew the truth, but it was our truth, and we weren’t ready to share that with the world.
Maybe we never would be.
It only added to the mystery, the intrigue and appeal.
It had been the four of us for so long, and now there was Eva. Sweet, compassionate, pure-hearted Eva. But she also carried a darkness, I’d seen it that weekend in Camdena. It had faded some since the tour commenced, but it was still there, deep inside her. Part of me wondered if that’s why she’d so easily slipped into life on the road with us. If maybe, in some fucked-up cosmic way, she was right where she was supposed to be.
Levi jogged over to me, winking as he spun around and tipped his head back on my shoulder, belting out the lines, “The lights go off and I don’t want to sleep. I can’t let go, and I know I can’t show that I’m afraid... I’m afraid of monsters in the dark.”
All those people in the crowd and not a single one of them knew. They had no idea how close my brother had come to relapsing last night. That his past and present had collided and splintered his reality in a way he couldn’t handle.
Usually, after such an incident, he woke up full of self-loathing and regret, reaching for a bottle or a chasing a high with whatever drug he could get his hands on.
Last night though, he’d reached for Eva.
To say his progress was bittersweet was a huge fucking understatement.