She knows.
“Mamá,” I began.
This time, her understanding took her from shock, to loss, to resolute. She grabbed my hand with both of hers and held tight. “I understand,” she said in her softest, most comforting voice.
“It has to be you.”
“Me?”
“To do what mother’s do,” I choked out. I kneeled by her side, and she touched my cheek with her palm. “You’re strong. You can do this.”
It only took a few seconds for her to understand, and then she seemed almost excited. “Don’t cry, my son.” She smiled. “Don’t shed a tear. This is… Don’t you see? It’s what we’ve always wanted. What’s important is that I love you. I love you more than anyone in the universe. I couldn’t be prouder of you, the choices you've made, and who you’ve become.”
“It’s because of you,” I whispered, barely able to speak.
“No.” She shook her head. “It’s because of you.” She touched her forehead to mine, and we stayed that way for what seemed like a dozen minutes.
She coughed again, and this time it persisted until she began a full-blown coughing fit.
No one came in to rush us. All we had was time and yet, time was the one thing we didn’t have. As the tag grew nervous, he punished her. It believed we were preparing to remove it, but it had no idea what we planned to happen next.
Agatha came in with a glass of water and handed it to me. I helped Mamá take a few sips until the demon relaxed its grip.
Mamá nodded, pushing away the glass. “He’s a bag of fun already.”
“You can do this.”
“I know,” she said, meeting my gaze. “And I will. Now…” She cleared her throat and settled back. “No reason to give it anything more.”
I wrapped my arms around her middle and lay my head in her lap while she stroked my back just as she did when I was a child. Dwelling on the fact that I’d never experience it again in this life was too painful, so I pushed it from my mind.
“I love you, Mamá. No woman more perfect could have been chosen to raise me, to love me, to protect me as you’ve always done.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she smiled down at me. “I have never felt anything but honored. You have blessed me every day of your existence.”
I stood and wiped my eyes before stepping out.
Eden stepped away from the wall and crossed her arms over her middle, clearly hurt by the expression on my face.
I rubbed the back of my neck. “That was harder than I thought.”
Eden threw her arms around my shoulders, holding me tight. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, grabbing the back of my neck. “I’m so… I can’t imagine. She pulled back. “But you have to promise that you won’t go in until it’s time.”
I nodded, knowing she was only hoping to spare me from as much of the process as she could.
“Ready?” Eden asked her father.
He wasn’t as confident as Petra, but he hadn’t heard Ramiel’s promise.
“We’ll need everyone,” Eden said.
Bex, Claire, and Ryan nodded.
“You’ve explained?” Eden asked Bex.
“What I could, yes,” he said. He took Allison’s hand. “Allie, it’s going to get scary in there. You’re not going to understand it until it’s over. Just trust us, okay?”
She squeezed his fingers with hers, nodding.
We filed into Mamá’s room together, and she watched us gather with wary eyes.
My body felt slow, what I imagined when humans explained the feeling of exhaustion. Every muscle, every nerve, every vein felt heavy; my stomach sick. The release of the tag, Mamá’s sacrifice and death, had to be timed exactly right, and we had to trust Ramiel that someone would be on the other side waiting to let her in before my father could get to her.
Cynthia and Agatha brought in an impressive arsenal of medical supplies, mostly concentrating on keeping my mother comfortable. Valium, morphine, oxygen, vials of nausea medication, and bags of saline, IV tubing and a canula kit. They moved in slow motion around us, and all I could do was stare at the beautiful, fearless woman who was my mother. Her gaze settled on me.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m tracing every line of your face.”
There was no time in Heaven, so we couldn’t know how long it would take for us to be reunited again.
Eden approached my mother. The infamous Petra was still sitting in her chair, her hands crossed daintily on her lap even though she was anything but delicate. My father had sent a tag strong enough to stay attached to my mother, and stealth enough to remain undetected. It wouldn’t be your run-of-the-mill soldier of Hell. Whoever the tag was, fighting it would be similar to fighting Cassia—if not more difficult—and my mother would have to find a way to do it while near death. That thought terrified me. The tag would likely be a challenge for Eden—or anyone—to extract, meaning Satan had chosen wisely. I could help neither one of them to maintain The Balance.
I took a deep breath and sighed. If anyone could survive, it would be Mamá. But that wasn’t the plan.
“Levi, I think she’d be more comfortable in the bed,” Eden said.
Mamá nodded, but I confirmed. “I’m going to lift you into my arms, okay, Mamá?”
After she agreed, I picked her up and then pivoted, carrying her the four feet it took to reach the twin-sized bed. This particular guest room wasn’t a small one, but certainly less than half the size of Eden’s. Agatha had moved a mirrored vanity and some paintings into the hall, leaving just a dresser, a chair, a loveseat, and the bed. Still, there was plenty of room for a nearly full crash cart, oxygen tank, and IV pole and the four us with space to spare.
“I’m sorry.” I gently encouraged her to lie back. A ripping noise interrupted the quiet, and I used the piece of fabric I’d torn from the sheet to tie Mamá’s wrists to the iron headboard. “We’ll need more padding here,” I said.
Agatha immediately left the room, and within minutes she was back with pillows and tape. I tied my mother’s free wrist to the other post, and helped her get as comfortable as I could, but she was coughing again. The tag was going to make this as agonizing as possible, and for that, I hated it even more.
“It’s important to try to remain calm,” Cynthia said. “Force your body to relax if you must.”
Mamá raised one brow. “You’ve done this before?”
“I have,” Cynthia replied.
Mamá sat back, unimpressed. “Well, you lived. I’ll do this my own way.” She let her shoulders fall, settling against the mattress and then looking at Eden. “I know how this works. Just let me know when it’s time.”
“You’ll know,” Eden said.
I kissed my mother’s forehead once, placing my hands on hers. “I love you, Mamá. I can’t describe to you how much.”