"Thank you for bringing Nox, Remy," Dr. Lawrence spoke softly. "You can go now."
"No," Parker answered for me. "He can stay. He's…" She trailed off, and even with her eyes closed, I could see the uncertainty on her face.
I cleared my throat, bringing all the attention in the room to me. Even Parker opened her eyes, wide with panic as she silently pleaded with me not to leave. I could practically taste her fear.
"I'm her boyfriend. But we're not telling anyone about it just yet. You understand." Actually, I didn't think that Dr. Lawrence understood. Though she was a good friend, and she'd respect my desire for no one to know. Especially since I was lying out of my ass.
Susan smiled broadly at both of us, her entire face lighting up. “Oh, that’s amazing news!” She clapped her hands together, still smiling. “I always had a feeling that the two of you would be amazing together.” Susan moved forward and patted Parker’s leg. “I even told your parents that back when you were just kids tearing through the middle of town after school. I’m glad you’ve found each other now.” Her face shifted then, turning back into the no-nonsense emergency room doctor that she was.
“Now, Parker. You seem to have been dealing with persistent post-concussive symptoms. Symptoms that you’ve either chosen to ignore or just haven’t seen in yourself.”
Parker’s cheeks flushed, and when she bit her lip, I could see that she’d been hiding her pain.
“That’s what I thought,” Susan went on in her motherly way. “If you don’t take care of yourself, you’re going to end up back here, or worse. I want you to rest.”
It turned out Parker didn’t know the meaning of rest.
By the time Nox and I got her to my house, Parker was already making plans to go back to work the next day. She marched through the living room, sorting through the clothes that we’d grabbed for them, and decided that nothing she had with her could be worn to work.
It wasn’t until after Nox passed out in the guest room that I finally had enough.
“Stop.” The order falling off my lips brought her up short, and Parker stared at me with wide eyes.
Her hair was a mess; long and unbound, it hung down her back in tangles. The dark circles under her eyes seemed to have multiplied in the short time that we’d been out of the hospital. Even standing completely still, she seemed to wobble.
“You’re not going to work.” I stood, leaning on the wall in the living room, standing in the exact same place that I’d taken her. “You’re not going to do any of what you’re thinking right now.”
Standing in the arctic circle would have been warmer than standing in my living room when Parker turned her icy glare on me. “Excuse me?” Her voice dropped a pitch, and she dared me to repeat myself.
Which I did, happily.
“Do you want to die?”
She reacted like I’d slapped her. She faltered, taking a half step back, and her eyes widened almost impossibly.
“I’m not kidding, Parker. Head injuries are serious. You could have died tonight, and you’re going to listen to Dr. Lawrence. You’re going to take it easy. If it annoys the shit out of you, I don’t give a flying fuck. I’d rather you be alive and pissed at me for keeping you from going to work than dead and leaving Nox without a mother.”
As her shoulders slumped, the ice and rage in Parker’s expression melted away. She sat down, gingerly resting on the edge of her seat, and looked up at me with genuine fear in her eyes.
“I don’t know what to do, Remy.” The admission must have cost her everything, and it cut through to my soul.
“You’re going to rest, and you’re going to let me take care of you. Even if you want to bite my head off and stab me in the liver with a rusty spork while I do it.” Having Parker that close to me, in my space, for the first time since I’d had her in my bed, had my blood on fire.
I expected her to fight, to push against what we both knew was the best thing she could do. Instead, she curled up into herself on the couch and closed her eyes.
“Okay,” she whispered.
There was a blanket on the back of my couch, one that I’d gotten during that first deployment. I couldn’t even remember where it came from, but I pulled it down and wrapped it around her shoulders, tucking it around her.
“There’s nothing here for me in Birch, Remy.” Her voice broke, and a quiet sob echoed into the living room, swallowing us both in its severity. “Me wanting to leave had nothing to do with you, even if you thought it did.”
My heart ached at her words, but I didn’t have the strength to say anything. Rather than fuck it up and say the wrong thing, I simply moved until I was close enough, then pulled her into my arms. With her scent wrapped around me like a warm blanket filled with honeysuckle and rain, I devoured every blissful moment of holding her.
“I know I messed up everything, Parker. But you need to know… I’ve waited forever. I would wait forever, knowing you’re on the other side of this. You’re the only reason I came home. You saved me.”
For just a second, I thought maybe Parker fell asleep in my arms. Her sigh came first, and then she pushed herself out of my arms and stared into my eyes with the most inscrutable expression I’d ever seen.
“How, Jeremy?” Her voice caressed my cheek as the breath left her body. “How could I possibly have saved you when I never heard a single word from you?”
Parker had the uncanny ability to tear out a piece of my heart with every single one of her questions, and this time was no different. I might be many things, but an idiot wasn’t one of them. And I knew that if I lied to her, or if I held back anything in that moment, I would lose her forever. After losing her once, I never wanted to endure that self-inflicted pain again. Not when I already had a mountain to climb to keep her from leaving Birch forever.
“You never gave up.” I cleared my throat and pressed my forehead against hers, needing the comfort that her touch brought. “Every single week I was gone, you wrote me a letter, even after I broke your heart and pushed you into Danny’s arms. Even after you married him. After everything, you were still there, even as my friend. You, Parker. You’re the reason I came home. Because you made sure that I always knew that I had a home to come back to. Even if you weren’t mine, you’ve always been my home.”
“What does that mean for us, for me?” Her question completely unmanned me, and it wasn’t until just then that I realized I’d been completely selfish. I was so caught up in what I wanted, and what I wanted from her, that I hadn’t taken her emotional needs into consideration.
I cradled her face in my hands, relishing the way she didn’t pull away from my touch. “Can’t you see it?” Her eyes dilated slightly. “It means that no matter what happens, or where you run to, I’ll always be here. I’ll be the home you come back to. I’m saying that I’ll be here to put you first. To put us first.”
The kiss I laid on her lips didn’t press for more or demand her submission. I kissed her with the promise of what could be. I gave her every single moment that I’d missed her. All the times I wished I could take back the words I’d said. I kissed her with all of the torment that had been created over five years of misery while I couldn’t have her. I’d take back everything in an instant if it meant that I could have her as my own.