She opened her mouth, no doubt to ask me why I was cursing her brother now, when the front door slammed open again, and Remy stormed in, his chest heaving like he’d just run ten miles.
“Look,” he practically shouted, even though we were staring right at him. “Those letters… You don’t understand.”
24
Parker
The look of pure confusion and terror on Remy’s face only lasted for about a second before he shut his mouth and stepped into the living room, leaving the front door wide open.
“I’m glad you saw the error of your ways, big brother.” Kennedy waved at her brother from the other side of the couch and smiled mischievously. “For future reference, taking off during a fight is generally a bad idea. Besides, what could she not understand about them? You loved her? You’ve always loved her? Seems pretty cut and dry to me. But then, what do I know?” My glare forced her into silence, and Kennedy’s response was to hold the pillow up to hide her face. But I could still see the laughter in her eyes.
Once Remy composed himself, he said, “What are you doing here, Kennedy? Don’t you have more important things to do than stick your nose into my life in the middle of the night?”
She raised the pillow again still held clutched tightly in her hand and threw it at his face. “I’m doing your job, asshole. I’ve been keeping Parker company while she falls even more in love with you, dummy.”
“What? Why? Uh …” Remy’s eyes darted back and forth between the two of us, and I could see the wheels turning. “Go away, Kennedy.”
Ignoring her when she didn’t move fast enough, Remy gave me his full attention. That’s when I noticed his fear. The slight trembling of his shoulders, the nervous tic in his jaw, the way his fists clenched and unclenched while he stood there waiting, all of them indicators that Remy was not handling his feelings very well. The intensity in his gaze immediately sent hot coals down my throat, burning and aching as they raced down into my chest, making it hard to breathe or even focus on anything.
Once I took a few deep breaths, my choice was clear. The glare I sent Kennedy could have melted paint, which was more than apparent since I felt like my heart was currently on fire. She scrunched up her nose at me and then got to her feet without saying another word. She grabbed her machete and pointed it threateningly at her brother. She then pushed Remy out of the way so she could leave, shutting the front door with a ridiculously dramatic slam.
Remy pursed his lips together, blinking owlishly for a moment at the door that Kennedy left through. “Was she holding a machete?” He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head while he tried to figure out exactly what happened and hide his nervousness. But I saw how pale his skin was, and the way his eyes darted back and forth between me and the door.
“I’m pissed at you. You stole the end of my letter; don’t even think I missed that for a fucking minute.” I hadn’t planned on saying that, but once the words were out, I ran with it. Especially after the panicked expression on Remy’s face turned to one of regret. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you … that I don’t love you.”
Getting up from the couch, I grabbed the first letter from the box and held it tightly in my hand while I began to pace.
Remy didn’t take a single step, choosing instead to stand against the wall of the living room while I paced. He stared at me like I was a caged lion and he was afraid to interfere.
“If you sent me even one of these letters, our entire lives would have changed course, Remy. Any of them. Do you understand?”
His only response was to nod his head slightly, and that didn’t help matters much. If anything, it made all of my feelings even more overwhelming.
“Do you have any idea what I went through? What happened to me after you tore me completely apart? I loved you, Remy. I loved you and was willing to wait for you to be ready for any of that. And you threw it all away, and I thought you hated me. I thought I was stalking you, a creepy, ridiculous, idiotic little girl sending you letters that you never ever wanted to get.”
Chest heaving, I stared at the man I loved—the man I still loved—and tried desperately to gain control of my rage.
“Any of these letters would have changed my life, Remy. Don’t you see that?”
His shoulders were already slumped as he watched me pace and rant at him, and the haunted gleam in his eyes told me that he was affected a lot more than he was letting on.
Still, he didn’t say a word.
He’s letting you rant. Danny’s voice came out of nowhere. Tell him, Parker. You have to tell him everything.
Swatting at the air next to my ear like that would actually get rid of him, I shook my head at the thought. I’d kept his secret for the last six years; I couldn’t ruin his memory now.
Why would you protect a dead man’s memory?
Danny’s smile in the photo on Remy’s wall taunted me, demanding something I hadn’t ever thought to share with anyone.
Stop, Parker. Stop protecting me and the worst night of your life.
His eyes, even just a moment captured in time, stared back through the years at me. Letting go of all of the hate, all of the regret, and all of the nights I’d stared at his dog tags, wishing for a different life. Letting it all go could destroy me. Telling the truth could take the last little bit of happiness I’d ripped out for myself and burn it to the ground.
“Parker.” I jerked. Remy’s voice called out from my left side, the opposite of where Danny’s phantom words had come from. “Parker, what’s wrong?” He twitched nervously. “Besides the obvious.”
“Obvious?” My voice cracked, and a shrill gasp escaped my chest. “Nothing’s obvious, Remy. Nothing. Yes, your letters could have saved me from the misery that’s been my life for the last six years. But I had Nox. I had something bright and shining out from the darkest moments of my life.”
“I’m so sorry I did that to you, Parker.” Remy took a faltering step forward, his arms upraised as he tried to touch me, to hug me.
I backed away though, needing space, especially if I was considering letting him glimpse into the darkest part of my soul.
When I made eye contact with Remy a moment later, I realized my mistake. His lips pressed together tightly, and his eyes flashed with doubt.
“Sit down, Remy.” The order fell from my mouth easily enough, but Remy didn’t move to obey. Instead, he crossed his arms over his chest and stood firmly against the wall. “Please,” I added belatedly.
I watched his hesitating steps as he moved toward the couch and stared at him while he tried to fit the pieces together. My breath caught while I twisted the bracelet on my wrist for comfort. Then I smiled when I saw Remy’s eyes dart to the faded piece of thread before fingering the matching one he wore.
To get to the couch, Remy had to walk right by me, and I reached out for his hand instinctively. For a flicker of a moment, I thought maybe he’d pull away from me, the way I had from him, and my heart ached painfully. Until he stepped into my space and cupped my face gently in his hands.
“Whatever you’re struggling with, whatever you’re trying to tell me, I’m here for it. I love you, Parker Jane, and as long as you’re not walking out the door on me in the middle of the night to leave Birch forever, I’ll be here. Hell, I’d still be here even if you did pack up and leave. You’d take my fuckin’ heart with you, but I’d let you go.”