Her eyes meet mine.
"Other times… but not when I'm around you."
"I know what you mean." She stops in front of my building. "Last time, I stood out here for twenty minutes. I was scared. Of pushing you. Losing you. Of how much I wanted it."
Fuck, she's doing it again. Pushing every one of my buttons without even trying.
"Even now, it scares me. How much I want it again. How much I want more." Her tongue slides over her lips. "When you said I had no idea how brutal you can be, did you mean that? Or was it part of the scene?"
"I meant it."
Her chest heaves with her inhale. "What if I want to find out?"
"Do you?"
She nods.
"What exactly?"
"Whatever you meant." She runs her fingers over my tie. "Whatever you want to do with me."
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Ty
Whatever you want to do with me.
My thoughts scatter.
My judgment disappears.
Indigo is standing next to me, in front of my flat—our flat—asking for the things I've pushed deepest.
Asking me to look inside her, find the things she's pushed deepest.
The things she can barely admit she wants.
"Let's talk upstairs," I say.
She looks to the security guard inside. Nods. Follows me into the building.
He compliments her outfit. Asks about our plans for the weekend.
She thanks him. Winks as she says we'll stay busy somehow.
Then she follows me into the elevator.
It's too small. There isn't enough room for all the things I want to do to her.
Her hand brushes mine. "He can't hear, can he?" She motions to the camera in the ceiling.
"No."
"But he could watch?"
"Yes."
"If I asked…"
"Not here. You'd be too embarrassed to look at him tomorrow."
Her laugh is soft. "Probably."
"Probably?"
She nods.
"Should we go downstairs. Tell him what we're going to do?"
"He knows that we're going to have sex."
"Are we?"
Her teeth sink into her lips. "Are you going to say I'm too drunk again?"
"What makes you think I'll say something else?"
She traces the neckline of her jumpsuit. Stops at her breast. Pulls the stiff fabric aside just enough to reveal the leather harness crisscrossing her torso.
Just enough to show me she's not wearing a bra.
Blood rushes to my cock.
"You can say it," she says. "You can always say no too. That doesn't mean I have to make it easy for you."
"You're baiting me."
"By wearing only a harness under my outfit?"
Fuck. "Nothing else?"
"I took off my underwear in the bathroom." She laughs. "That's not making me sound less drunk, is it?"
The elevator stops at our floor. I press my palm into her lower back. Lead her into the hallway.
Her fingers curl into my shoulders as I unlock the door.
She's impatient.
And defiant.
Partly, because she's pissed.
It's not a good idea to do this with her drunk. Especially when she's asking me to push her limits.
"Sit." I motion to the couch.
She steps into the house. Slips out of her shoes. Bends to pick them up. "Just in case."
I pour two glasses of water. Bring both to the couch.
She takes one. Drinks with greedy sips. "Thanks."
"Drink all of it." I take a long sip. Set my glass on the coffee table. Stay on my feet.
She looks up at me with need in her deep blue eyes. "What did you mean? When you said it?"
I swallow hard. "That I could hurt you."
"How?"
"With my belt. A riding crop. A whip."
Her pupils dilate.
"My hands."
"Like last time?"
"Harder. Rougher."
"Do you want to?"
"Yes."
I expect her to recoil, to look at me with disgust, but she doesn't.
She flames red with desire. Sucks in a shallow breath. Forces an exhale.
"What exactly?" she asks. "What exactly do you want?"
"Everything."
"That's not a real answer."
She's right.
I know what she's asking.
And I owe her the truth. "I think about the sound you make when I bite you. When it gets too hard, and you're not sure you can take more. I think about how I can push you past that. So you can take more pain. More control. More force."
"You want to bite me?"
"I do bite you."
"So what?"
"I want to surprise you. Hurt you. Throw you against the wall, rip off your panties, fuck you even though you're asking me not to."
"You want me to say no?"
"Yes."
"Oh." Her eyes go wide. With surprise. "You think about that? Forcing me?"
"With your permission." I suck in a shallow breath. How can I ask her for this? How can I ask her to admit she wants it?
How can I do anything else?
I push my exhale through my teeth. "Is that what you want?"
"Maybe. I don't know." Her chest heaves with her inhale. "I… I like the idea." She stands. Brings her hand to my wrist. "I can't really show you easily in this outfit, but I… Can I take it off?"
"I'm not going to play right now, Indie. Not until you're sober. Not with something like this."
"I understand." She turns her back to me. Motions to the zipper. "Does that mean you won't fuck me?"
"Not necessarily."
Her breath catches. "How do you want to fuck me, right now?"
Twenty minutes ago, I wanted something soft and sweet. I wanted to feel every inch of her bare skin against every inch of mine.
Now that she's asking me to find her deepest desires—
My cock is trying to take over.
"I want to throw you over the couch, bind you with my belt, fuck you until you're begging for mercy."
She lets out a soft groan.
"But I won't."
"If I say please?"
"No. Not until you're sober."
"But maybe soft? Or slow?"
"Maybe." I bring my fingers to her zipper. Run it down her back. Trace her spine back up. I press my lips to the back of her neck. "I want to feel like you're mine."
"I am."
I push the sleeves off her shoulders. Down her arms. All the way to her waist.
I bend to roll her jumpsuit to her ankles.
She's wearing only the leather harness.
A line of fabric between her breasts and around her rib cage. A tiny hook at the place where the lines meet.
One in front.
One in back.
She waits until I'm standing behind her to kick the jumpsuit aside. Then she turns back to me. Wraps her fingers around my wrist. Looks up at me. "May I, sir?"
"Yes."
She takes my hand. Slips it between her legs. So I can feel how wet she is.