“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…You just surprised me, that’s all. Your mother and I have been worried about you, and I was relieved to see you. What are you doing here?” I took a few slow, easy steps toward him, hands up in surrender. I wasn’t sure if I was doing or saying the right things, but I was on my own, so I was going to have to wing it.
Sam stepped farther out of the shadows, and I took the opportunity to take account of him physically. He looked tired, weary, and somewhat disheveled, but otherwise okay. I thanked whatever God, or gods that might be listening.
“I wanted to see you. I mean speak to you.” His voice sounded rusty, as though unused for hours on end, which I guess it hadn’t been.
“Okay, that’s cool. Do want to come upstairs? It’s cold here. We can talk better in the warmth of my apartment. Have a nice hot chocolate, and something to eat, maybe. What do you say?” Sam’s eyes swept the lot skittishly, and I feared that if I made one wrong move, he would bolt for the fire escape.
“You’re my dad.”
Boom! There it was. I knew this already of course, but it felt so different to hear it from his lips. It was like a long-awaited hug, and a kick to the solar plexus all at once, leaving me both warmed and winded.
“Yeah, I am.” He still looked as though he was deciding his next move, which made two of us. I saw something waver in him, and seized the opportunity again.
“I want to talk too. Let’s go inside. We can chat as much as you like.” I waited. If this was going to work, it had be his decision. I tried not to stare, but the novelty of just how much he looked like me, and reminded me of me in his mannerisms and physicality hadn’t worn off yet. Not even close. I guessed it wouldn’t for a while.
I could see Sam running various scenarios through his mind—exactly as I would have done in the same situation. He shivered slightly, though he tried to disguise the fact from me, and I almost had him.
“I can order in takeout. Anything you like. Your choice.”
“Anything?”
“Yep. Any and everything you want. I won’t even try to make you get something healthy.”
“Okay.” He still seemed hesitant, but a yes was a yes, and I was rolling with it.
“Okay, good job. Let’s go.” I resisted the incredibly strong temptation to muss his hair like an old dude. Ten minutes of fatherhood, and I was already falling into sitcom cliché territory.
The elevator had arrived a few moments before, so I wrenched open the heavy folding door, and stepped inside, beckoning Sam to do the same. He hesitated again for a micro-moment before joining me. Thank fuck. Relief swept through me like a cool breeze in the desert.
I used my key fob to swipe us up to the penthouse, and the elevator lurched to a stuttering start. Sam looked stricken, and I hastened to offer him a reassuring smile. “It’s just old.”
We traveled the rest of the way in silence, which Sam was the first to break.
“Are you gonna tell my mom?”
“I have to, buddy. She’s been so worried about you. She needs to know you’re okay. You get that, right?”
He nodded, staring dejectedly at his shoe. I felt like the biggest douche hat alive, but I knew there was no way I could not tell Mel he was safe, so it was what it was. He shrugged, and I could almost hear him internally muttering “whatever.” Fair enough, I probably would have reacted the same way at his age.
The elevator jolted to a stop and as I opened the door and we stepped into my apartment, Sam’s eyes widen. His mouth formed an “O” as he exhaled a silent “Wow.” I tried to look at the place with fresh eyes. I supposed it would be a somewhat impressive sight for a kid. It was certainly a far cry from his suburban home, and even further from the modest Allentown homes of my youth. I had come a long way for the son of a single mother who’d had to claw tooth and nail up the corporate ladder, much like Mel had.
I cast a sideways glance at my son. My son. I loved saying those words, even if only in my mind.
“Pretty cool, huh?”
“Yeah, it’s neat. Can I use your bathroom?”
He hopped slightly from one foot to the other. Poor kid. I wondered how long he’d been holding his pee, how long he’d been hiding out in my basement, and in fact, how he’d even gotten in there. So many questions…
“Of course, it’s right through there.” I pointed at the door to the guest bathroom. “I’m going to call your mom while you’re in there, and let her know you’re safe with me, okay?” His eyes widened and he looked at the elevator, as though he was considering bolting. He wouldn’t be able to get out without my help, so I didn’t sweat it, but it did concern me that he even wanted to.
“What’s wrong?”
“Am I in trouble? Is my mom mad?”
“No, of course not. She’s just been very worried about you, and she missed you lots today, so I want to let her know she doesn’t need to worry any more. She’ll need to let the police know you’re safe also. They’ve been looking for you.” His eyes grew to the size of saucers.
“The cops? I don’t want to go to jail!” I tried to stifle my laughter. The situation wasn’t funny, but the look on his face was priceless.
“I’m pretty sure you’re not going to jail, but you’re a smart kid. You know that the police take shi— stuff like this seriously, right? They’ve been looking for you all day, so they might want to talk to you about what happens if they’re out looking for you, and not other children who are really lost.”
I opened my mouth to continue, but poor Sam’s face had clouded over at my words. What the fuck was I doing? I’d knowingly been a parent for half a nanosecond, and here I was sermonizing and putting the fear of God into the poor kid, like I knew what I was doing. I clamped my mouth shut and decided to leave the parenting to Melissa, given she’d been doing it for more than a hot minute. Speaking of which, I really needed to call her.
“Don’t worry about all that now. You go to the bathroom, and I’ll call your mom. We can take it from there, okay? And don’t stress. Everything will be okay, you’ll see.”
Sam visibly relaxed, as though he’d been holding his breath. Poor kid. I made a mental note not to traumatize him further for the rest of the night. I slid open the door to the apartment’s wraparound balcony, appreciating both the fresh air, and the stunning view of the city. I dialed Mel’s number. She picked up on the first ring.
“Beck. Where are you?”
“He’s here.”
“What?”
“Sam. He’s here. I found him lurking in the parking lot when I got back to my apartment.” There was scuffling on the line, then some screaming or shouting, I couldn’t quite make it out.
“Mel? Melissa? Mel…?” More unintelligible sounds. More scuffling. “Mel...? What’s going on. Is everything okay?” Extended silence. The next voice on the line wasn’t Melissa’s.
“Beck?”
“Yeah. What’s going on?”
“It’s Kate. Mel was a little overcome, I suppose you could say. She kinda blacked out, I guess.”
“What the fuck?”
“I know, but it’s been a big day, and she hasn’t eaten.”