Nightmares of that awful night plague my sleep. Every time I close my eyes, if I’m not with Xander, I can still feel the blade of Chains’ knife rip into my stomach. I can still feel the sweat dripping from their bodies as they beat me to within inches of my life. I can still smell the blood spilling from my body as I fight with everything I have. Capone, my brother, and the rest of the Royal Bastards MC took care of Chains when they found me recovering in another tenant’s apartment. I didn’t ask how or where. It’s not my place. They couldn’t touch Steam unless they had permission so that asshole is still out there wreaking havoc on the other Savage Saints members and they don’t even know about it. When I’m in this room and with Xander, the nightmares stay away. I can’t do this without him. I can’t get past it all without him by my side. Xander knows everything I’ve been through, everything I’ve lost and he still looks at me with lust in his deep green eyes, taking my breath away.
We’ve been playing the dangerous game of cat-and-mouse for years. I’m always the mouse, scurrying away from the big bad cat. I’m tired of hiding. I want him like I’ve never wanted a man before. He’d captured my heart the moment his boots hit the halls of our high school. With his leather jacket and bad boy attitude, I was a goner. Xander’s been best friends with my brother Derek, or what the club calls him, Capone, and won’t take our relationship further because of him. He doesn’t want to disappoint Capone by hurting me. But he doesn’t realize, he is hurting me by not doing anything. So, instead of wallowing in self-pity, I’m ready to take what I want. I’m ready to bare my soul, scars and all to get the man I’ve always wanted.
I shimmy out of the tight dress I wore and leave it on the floor along with my high heels. I make my way to the bathroom in just my bra and panties. Flipping on the light, I take a long look at myself in the mirror above the sink. I take the time to fix my hair and apply makeup to cover the dark bags under my eyes just to catch Xander’s attention. This isn’t who I am, so why am I trying to hide my true self with this shit? I turn on the hot water and scrub my face clean. I pop my contacts out and put on my black framed glasses resting on Xander’s countertop. I run the brush through my hair and pull it up in a ponytail.
Feeling more like myself, I take another glance in the mirror. The woman staring back at me doesn’t hide from her scars. I don’t even flinch anymore when I see the damage done to my body. The crisscross scars lining my abdomen don’t make me weep anymore. If anything, they strengthen me. Stronger to fight for what I want. Stronger to prove that I can still live my life even if the one thing I wanted more than anything was taken away from me. Now, I need to take that strength and pour it into getting the man I want. The man who creates a need between my legs. The man who makes my desire burn.
The doorknob jiggles, pulling me out of my head. I quickly slip on Xander’s black Royal Bastards t-shirt sitting on the counter and lean against the door frame separating the bathroom from the bedroom. Adjusting the glasses perched on my nose, I cross my arms over my chest and wait. The bedroom door opens and Xander walks inside, closing it quietly behind him. His head is down so he doesn’t notice me standing here right away. The air escapes my lungs as I stare at his muscular frame. His inked arm muscles bulge with strength as he sets his gun, wallet and chain attached to his belt on the dresser. His ass is perfect for squeezing while he drives hard into me. Damn, I’m all hot and bothered and all he did was walk into the room.
Xander turns around and spots me. A smile graces his full lips I want to kiss so badly again, I can taste his mouthwatering flavor. His blonde hair is shaggy and brushing against his shoulders and his light goatee is making me squirm when I think about what it can do between my legs.
“Everything OK with Capone?” I ask, my voice is husky with a need and want I haven’t had in a long time. Not since the attack.
“Yeah, Bug. Everything will be fine.” Xander is hiding something. I can see it in his eyes.
“What aren’t you telling me? Come on Xander, after everything I’ve been through, I have a right to know.” I push off the door frame and sit in the middle of the bed, crossing my legs.
Xander watches me and licks his lips as his eyes trail up my bare legs to my full breasts, ready for attention. “Nothing, Bug.” He replies finally meeting my eyes. “We’ll have a visitor tomorrow at the studio.”
“Who?” I ask raising an eyebrow. Since returning from Detroit, I’m the porn queen. I direct porn for the club and I’m great at my job. I don’t fuck the actors or actresses. I go to the studio, do the job and go home. Lately, it’s been grating on my nerves because my ex, John James, demands to be there, hoping I’ll give him another chance. Since he’s shown his true colors when the Savage Saints came looking for me, I’ll never give him the time of day nor will I let him back into my life. He’s a weasel dick asshole looking to get into my panties. These panties only come off for one man. I’ve never let J.J. in and never will.
“F.O.C.U.S., from our NYC Chapter. He’s stopping in really quick to talk to me about some club business.” Xander shrugs off his Royal Bastards cut and carefully drapes it over the chair in the corner. He pulls his white Royal Bastards t-shirt over his head and drops it on the floor. My mouth waters from the move. Xander is standing in front of me in nothing but his low hanging jeans, showing his washboard abs that I’m itching to run my fingers over and lick every curve and crevice, the sexy V leading to a place I want more than anything right now.
I uncross my legs, keeping eye contact with him and strut my way over to where he’s standing. Placing my hands on his stomach, his body shivers from my touch. I trail my nails up his abs over his shoulders and wrap my arms around Xander’s neck. He places his big hands around my waist, pulling me close. His nose trails up my neck followed by his tongue. Xander’s palms squeeze my ass, pulling me closer to him. We’re now chest to chest.
“What are we doing, Bug?” He breathes into my hair.
“Taking what we both want, Blayze.” I pant. His hard cock presses into my stomach making my panties wet with desire. “Do you want me?”
“More than I should.” Xander’s lips crash down onto mine taking my breath away. He runs his tongue along the seam of my lips and I open them allowing him entrance. A moan vibrates from the back of my throat. He squeezes my ass as my nails dig into his hair. Want, lust and need are heavy in the air. I want him. I crave all of him. I need him to quench this lust burning through my body.
“Are you wet for me, Bug?” Xander pants against my lips.
“Only for you,” I answer honestly. I cup his hard cock through his jeans and press against it with the palm of my hand.
Xander holds onto my shoulders and looks me directly in the eyes. “We need to make sure this is what we both want. If we take this step and you’re not ready, Capone will cut off my dick and shove it down my throat. I’m kind of attached to it.”
I pull my hand away from his cock and move to the middle of the bed. I take a deep breath before yanking his t-shirt over my head, exposing my scars. “If my trust in showing you these doesn’t tell you I’m ready, then you aren’t ready. No one has seen these and how disfigured it’s made me. No one knows how deep these scars really run.” I turn to face Xander. His eyes are trailing up and down my body, hooded with desire. “If I didn’t want this next step with you, I wouldn’t be here.”