“I do. I don’t know how or when it happened. I only know this past year has been the happiest I’ve been since Dillon died. I would be crazy to not snap up this chance. I’ll always love Dillon, but I’m glad I met Bryant. He’s been good to me and for me. Actually, he’s good for me and Violet both.”
“I can tell. There’s light in your eyes again.”
I pull her in for another hug, so happy for her.
“Okay, enough about me.” She lets me go and leans back, her eyes ping-ponging between mine. “How are you doing?”
I blow out a long breath and lean back on the couch, tucking one foot under my butt. This conversation is not going to be easy. I’ve purposely kept the extent of my disease from her because I knew she was coming for a visit soon. This isn’t something you tell your best friend over the phone if you can help it. She only knows I’m sick, not that the disease will claim my life.
I grab her arm and pull her so she’s leaning against the back of the couch like I am, facing each other.
“I need you to first know that I didn’t keep this from you because I didn’t want you to know. I knew you were coming to visit soon and wanted to tell you face to face.”
Her brows drop, a wrinkle forming between her eyes. “You’re starting to scare me, Molly. What’s going on?”
I pull in an encouraging breath before I continue. “I have a rare disease called Gerstmann-Straussler-Scheinker. It effects the nervous system.”
“Okay,” she says slowly. “What does that mean exactly?”
“It means that my brain function will become impaired. Memory, personality, speech, behavior, cognition, possibly dementia. It’ll also cause ataxia, which will affect my coordination. I’ll lose control over movements in my body.”
She nods, her face lined with worry. “What kind of treatments do you have to do? For how long? What does your doctor say? Will this disease affect you in the long run?”
I steal her hand away from her lap, and I grip it tight.
“There is no cure. There are no treatments,” I say quietly.
“What?” she whispers, her voice cracking on the word. “I don’t understand. What aren’t you telling me?”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Eventually, my body will shut down,” I continue, my voice still low. “The impact of the disease will cause major brain dysfunction. Also, the muscles in my body will lock up and no longer work. More than likely, I’ll end up dying from a secondary infection from pneumonia, or even more likely, fall into a coma and… never wake up.”
She stares at me, unblinking, not moving a muscle. The only response she gives is the sudden flood of tears rolling down her cheeks. I hate this so much. I hate all of the hurt this is causing so many people. That’s what hurts the most. The pain of the people I’m forced to leave behind.
After several seconds, she opens her mouth, closes it, then tries again. “Yo-you’re dying?”
I nod solemnly. “Yes.”
Her face crumples, and she launches herself at me. I catch her in my arms, and we both sit there and cry for a long time. By the time we pull back, both of our shirts are soaked from each other’s tears.
“This isn’t right,” she hiccoughs. “This can’t be right. Did you get a second opinion?”
“Yes. I trust Dr. Becker wholeheartedly, but Lincoln wanted a second opinion. The results were the same.”
“I can’t believe this.” She squeezes my hand so tightly my knuckles protest, but I don’t pull away. “H-how long?”
“The average life span is three to five years.” I pause a moment. “But my symptoms are progressing faster than they anticipated. There’s a chance I might not last another year.”
She gasps, and another sob tears from her throat. All I can do is sit there and watch helplessly.
“There’s got to be something that can be done,” she says a few minutes later.
I shake my head slowly. “Believe me. I wish there were. There haven’t been many known cases, so they don’t know much about the disease. And Lincoln’s been tirelessly scouring the internet.”
Hearing the pounding of feet, Jenna furiously wipes her eyes before we both turn to face the doorway just as Gemma appears. Her eyes light up, and a big smile stretches across her face.
“Aunt Jenna!” she yells, scampering across the floor and throwing herself on Jenna’s lap. The mood instantly lightens, and I’m grateful. I’m tired of all the heartache and pain that comes with my illness.
Of course, Jenna isn’t really her aunt, but we always said when we were younger, we’d have our kids call each other that.
“Hey, Gemma!” Jenna hugs my daughter tightly, rocking back and forth. “How’s my girl been?”
Leaning away, Gemma settles her butt on Jenna’s thighs. “Good.”
“That’s great, baby.” She kisses the tip of her nose. “I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too. Momma said you weren’t coming until next week. How come you’re early?”
Jenna smiles. “Because I couldn’t wait to see your beautiful face, of course.”
This makes Gemma smile. “I’m glad you’re here.” She looks around the room. “Where’s Violet?”
“She’ll be over soon.”
“Yah! I can’t wait to see her.”
“And she can’t wait to see you too. She’s been talking about you a lot over the last two weeks.”
Gray walks into the room, and she sets Gemma on her feet.
“My goodness,” she says, her wide eyes moving to me. “That can’t be Gray. He’s too tall.”
I laugh, glancing over at my boy. “It’s him, all right. He hit a spurt and shot up fast.”
Gray shifts on his feet, a cute blush stealing over his cheeks. I think he’s always had a crush on my best friend.
“Get over here and give me a hug,” Jenna demands, standing up and opening her arms.
He shuffles his feet across the floor. It’s so darn adorable to watch his face glow. Jenna is taller than me by a few inches, but it still won’t be long until he’s taller than her. He takes after his daddy in the height department.
Jenna yanks him forward when he gets close enough. I choke out a laugh when his face smashes against her breasts and his wide eyes meet mine.
A moment later, she pulls back, keeping one hand on his shoulder and setting the other on Gemma’s. She looks from one to the other.
“I really can’t believe how big you’ve both gotten,” she gushes. “Pretty soon, you’ll be all grown up.”
Gray rocks back on his heels, a proud grin on his face. Gemma beams her bright smile.
I clap my hands and get up from the couch. “Okay, you two. Go finish your chores while I get dinner started.” I turn to Jenna. “You’re staying for dinner once Bryant and Violet get here, right?”
“Absolutely. So long as you let me help cook.”
I smile. “I believe I’ll take you up on that.”
Gray grumbles about doing his chores as he and Gemma leave the room. Jenna and I walk arm and arm to the kitchen. I’m pulling out a pot to boil chicken in when it disappears from my hand, and I’m suddenly turned around. My breath is knocked out of me from the force of Jenna’s hug. I rub her back as she sniffles in my shoulder. Squeezing my eyes shut, I force my own tears away.