“Tomorrow is our fifth wedding anniversary. My parents are taking Jack Junior and Isabelle for a few days while Jack and I go away somewhere. I asked where he was taking me, but he refuses to tell me, instead, telling me it’s a surprise. I’m excited because I know no matter where we go, I’ll love it since I’ll be with him. He did give me an early anniversary present though. It was a beautiful rose-gold, four-leaf clover, charm bracelet. He knows how much I love four-leaf clovers.”
I smile and glance down at Lincoln’s birthmark. “Remember all the times we’d pick four-leaf clovers for luck?”
His chuckle blows the small hairs by my ear. “Yeah. Or the time you were jealous because of my birthmark, so I drew one on you with a permanent marker?”
I giggle. “I avoided washing that area for days. I was so sad when it eventually faded away.”
He lifts the hem of my shirt, revealing the tattoo on my hip. “But now you have a permanent one that’ll never fade.”
“Nope.” I kiss his bicep and begin reading again.
“We leave tomorrow and are supposed to get to our destination by nightfall. Jack and I talked last night about having another baby. I was overjoyed at the idea. As an only child, I grew lonely at times, despite having my parents around all the time. Because of that, I’ve always wanted a lot of children. With all of the uninterrupted hours we’ll have while we’re gone, I wonder if we’ll get lucky enough and I’ll get pregnant. I can’t wait to give Jack another child.”
I stop reading and try my best to not think about the baby Lincoln and I tried for a couple of months ago. I was so excited at the prospect of giving him another baby, and Gray and Gemma a new sibling. There’s no way that can happen now. Even if somehow the doctor said I could have a child, there’s no way Lincoln and I would take the chance of me passing along the deadly gene to him or her. We already got lucky with Gray and Gemma.
Another crack of thunder pierces throughout the room. I turn on my side away from the window and bury my face in Lincoln’s chest. He rubs soothing circles on my back and whispers comforting words in my ear. It’s stupid to be so afraid of thunderstorms, especially as an adult.
It takes a moment before my racing heart begins to slow. Tipping my head back, I look up at him.
“I know it’s out of my hands and not my fault, but I’m sorry I couldn’t give you any more children,” I tell him quietly.
He traces his finger over my cheek and across my bottom lip. “I’m utterly happy with the two you’ve given me already. Yes, I would have loved having another baby with you, but it’s not what I need. What I need is you, Gray, and Gemma. My life is complete with the three of you.”
I kiss his bare chest, right over where is heart beats steadily. “I would have loved a third baby too. I mourn the lost opportunity, but I’m glad I didn’t get pregnant the times we tried. It wasn’t meant to be for a reason.”
“You’re right, and that’s okay. We’re more lucky than a lot of people are. We were blessed with Gray and Gemma.”
I nod, my chest filling with pride. “We were very blessed. I’m probably biased, but we do have the best two kids anyone could have.”
He chuckles then adds a wink. “It’s not biased if it’s true.”
We’re silly. Of course, as Gray and Gemma’s parents, we’d think our kids are the best. Every parent should think their kids are the best.
He nudges his chin toward the journal. “Get to reading woman. I want to know where Jack took Anna.”
I smirk. “Hunting for ideas?”
“Nope.” He playfully tugs a lock of my wet hair. “I’ve already got our anniversary planned.” I open my mouth to ask for details, but he stops me. “And I’m pulling a Jack. You don’t get to know until it happens.”
I pout. “You suck.”
He shoots me a wink, and his lips tug up into a smug grin. “Only because you love it when I do.”
A laugh bursts from my lips. “You’re also a dirty boy.”
“And you also love it when I’m dirty.”
With a snort and a shake of my head, I roll my eyes back to the journal. “Enough of your goofiness. I’m anxious to see where Jack takes Anna too.”
I flip to the next page and frown when I notice the different handwriting. It’s in plain text, kind of messy, not like the elegant cursive of Anna’s. There’s also no date.
“That’s weird,” I mumble.
A foreboding feeling forms in my stomach when I start to read and realize this entry is from Jack.
This is Jack. It’s taken me a while to write this. These journals were so important to Anna. I know it was an invasion of her privacy, but I needed something to make me feel close to her. I’ve read every one. Over and over again. As much as it hurts to read her intimate thoughts, I cherish every word on these pages.
I stop, my throat too tight to continue.
“Lincoln,” I croak. “It almost sounds like—”
He cuts me off by tightening his arms around me. “Keep reading, baby. We won’t know anything if you don’t read it.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat and lick my lips.
“When I first started reading them, I knew they meant a lot to her because I always saw her writing in them, but I didn’t realize how much until I did read them. I also realized that if someone else read these, they may wonder why they abruptly stopped.
Anna was such a beautiful person, and everyone who met her loved her. Me included. Especially me. Anna’s last entry was right before we left for our wedding anniversary. That was a little over a year ago. After the many times she said she wanted to visit New York City, I surprised her with a visit. The smile on her face when she realized where we were going will stay with me for the rest of my life. We stayed in a beautiful bed and breakfast and we explored the city. Anna was ecstatic and gushing over each new thing she saw. I watched her more than I did the sights. She was so beautiful.
The night before we were to leave and go home will forever be the worst night of my life. It was the night my beloved Anna was taken from me. I awoke in the middle of the night to the smell of smoke. There were a few other people in the house besides the owners, but my first and most important concern was getting Anna out of harm’s way. I woke her up and we both left the room. There was smoke everywhere, and it looked like the fire was in the master bedroom. When we got to the top of the stairs, there was a cry for help. It was a child’s cry. Even though my only thought was to get Anna out of the house, she begged me to help the child. She was supposed to go straight downstairs and out the door. That was the only way I would leave her to help the child. She swore to me that’s what she would do.
I managed to find the child. After we made it outside, Anna was nowhere to be found. I knew in that moment, she was still inside. The fire department had just arrived moments before. Frantic to get to Anna, I rushed back toward the house, but before I could make it, someone grabbed me from behind, preventing me from going inside. I kicked and screamed and fought as hard as I could, but they wouldn’t let me go. It was only seconds later that the back half of the house collapsed. My heart was cracking wide open every second that Anna didn’t appear. My heart bled out that night on the dewy grass at my feet. It was after everything was over, the flames were finally out, and the house was safe enough for the fire inspector to go inside that he found her body. She was lying on top of a small child under what was previously the kitchen table. The flames had demolished both her and the child.”