“Thank you,” Zane says with a smile, and we had in the direction of the ICU, following the signs in the hospital.
When we reach the unit, there is a set of double doors that you have to be buzzed to get into. Zane squeezes my hand tighter and turns to me.
“It’s going to be hard to see her like this. Are you sure this is what you want?”
“We’re here, and we’re going in. I don’t care what condition she’s in. I need to see her.” My voice cracks, and my heart splinters in my chest. Zane nods and presses the button for us to be buzzed in. A second later, the door opens, and we walk into the ICU unit. There are monitors everywhere and things that sound like alarms going off.
Zane guides us up to yet another desk, where a woman in scrubs greets us.
“Hi, we’ve come to see Donna Miller.”
The nurse walks around the desk and comes over to us, a folder in her hand. “Come with me, and we will discuss her condition.”
I can hardly breathe, and suddenly I feel dizzy. Latching onto Zane’s arm, I let him guide us where we need to go. “Donna is in critical condition right now. She’s on a ventilator, and her brain function is…” The nurse pauses and frowns when she sees my reaction. I’m pretty sure I look like I’m about to pass out.
“She doesn’t have any brain function?” I ask, my voice breaking at the end.
“This is very common after a stroke. Her brain was without oxygen for too long. The doctors have been looking for any brain activity, any signs that she’ll recover, but as of this morning, there was nothing. I’m so sorry. The doctors have done all they can at this point. I can let you see her.”
The tears I was holding back break free, and I swallow down a sob as I bury my face into Zane’s side. He releases my hand and wraps his arms around me, holding me a little tighter. She’s gone. The one and only person I ever had is gone. Physically, she’s still here, but in the sense of her really being here, her spirit, she’s gone.
The nurse takes us to her room, and what I see when I step inside has the ground crumbling beneath my feet. My knees go weak, and I feel like I’m going to pass out.
Donna. My sweet mom has tubes going in and out of her body everywhere. Her body is so still she doesn’t even look alive, and in a way, I guess she isn’t.
“I’ll leave you alone for a bit,” the nurse says, dismissing herself. The room spins around me, and I press a hand to my forehead to steady myself.
“Are you okay?” Zane’s gravelly voice fills my ears. He turns me to face him, his hands circle my arms, holding me in place and blocking my view of Donna.
“She’s just…” A sob escapes my lips, and I press my face into his shirt, gripping onto the fabric. It’s like I’m losing everything.
“It’s okay. I told you this was going to be hard, and it is. But you should be allowed to say goodbye. She would want that.” I nod, blubbering into his shirt. I’m a mess, a complete mess. How will I survive this?
“I’m okay. I need to do this.” I speak out loud, even though the words are just for me. Zane nods and takes a step back, releasing me, though it seems it’s the last thing he wants to do. With him out of the way, I stand there for a long time, just staring at her. The woman who supported me when I felt hopeless. She nurtured and watered me, turned a wilted rose into a woman. I was lost before her and found the instant we met. Now she’s leaving me again, and it feels like all those times I was left behind. Never the child picked. Forever alone.
Forcing my feet to move, I walk over to the side of the bed. I take her hand in mine. It’s cold and makes me shiver at the touch. Of course, she doesn’t react to my touch. She doesn’t squeeze my hand. Doesn’t even acknowledge that I’m there. The machines she’s hooked up to make her chest rise and fall.
Seeing her like this breaks my heart. I miss seeing the smile on her face and the twinkle of joy in her eyes every time I would come and visit her. Never did I think the last time I saw her awake and happy would actually be the final time I’d see her that way. I can’t stop the tears from falling as I stand there holding her hand. My shoulders drop, and I bite my lip to hold back a sob.
“I miss you already, and you aren’t even gone yet.” I wipe my face with the back of my hand. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there; that I’ve been so busy and haven’t been able to come and visit as much. I wish we had more time. That this didn’t happen.”
Sniffling, I continue. “I’m so thankful that you took me in and gave me a future. I’ve enjoyed every minute of being with you, and I am proud to call you my mom.”
Bending down, I brush the grey hairs from her forehead and press a gentle kiss there. When I pull away, I’m crying so hard I can barely see. It’s like I’m losing a piece of my soul, a piece of my upbringing.
“I’ve got you,” Zane whispers, his arms circling my waist. He pulls me back against her chest, and I turn in his arms, needing someone to hold onto.
22
We stay for another twenty minutes, and I hate every second of it. I hate seeing Dove hurt, and I hate that we are here, out in the open where I can’t protect her. Not the way I want to, at least. After a short while, I know I have to tell her it’s time.
“Dove, we need to go. It’s not safe to stay here.”
She pulls away from my chest and nods in understanding. With her head hung low, I watch her walk over to Donna’s side once more.
She says her tearful goodbyes before turning back to me. I hold my arms open, and she falls into them, letting me lead her outside the room. Donna will be given a proper funeral, it’s the least I can do, and I know it will set Dove at ease to have her funeral taken care of.
“Everything is going to be okay, Dove. I promise it won’t always hurt this bad.” I try to console her, but her sobbing only intensifies. I walk her past the nurses’ station and down the hall. I’m so focused on Dove that I don’t pay attention to our surroundings the way I should. All I can think about is getting us out of this hospital and back to the bunker.
We take the stairs down to the parking garage, and as soon as we step outside, something feels off. I pause, pulling Dove even closer.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, peeking up at me through thick lashes.
“I don’t know yet.” I scan the area and spot two blacked-out SUVs in the same aisle we are parked. I take a step back, shoving Dove behind me as two car doors pop open. Shit.
Turning around, I take Dove’s face into my hands and stare deeply into her eyes. “Listen to me. I need you to go back inside and find a place to hide. Hide until I come and find you, okay?” I try not to sound panicked, but this is my worst nightmare being brought to life.
“What’s wrong?” She repeats, sounding more frantic this time. Tugging from my grasp, she tries to look over my shoulder.
“I’ll explain everything to you later, please, just go and hide. Please, Dove,” I say, feeling more desperate than I ever have before. She nods, and I release her, watching her step away from me. It hurts me physically to let her go, but I know I can’t protect her if she’s standing there watching me. I’m outnumbered and outgunned. I can’t fight them and keep her safe at the same time. When she disappears through the door leading into the stairwell, I turn around to face whoever Christian has sent to get me.