I put down the phone, grinning and realising I’m looking forward to the weekend. It’s something to look forward to after the hell of a week I’ve had. Turns out my boss really wasn’t impressed with me taking leave on short notice, even if I’d had a good reason. I’m now on warning not to do that again.
Monday had been bad. I was called into the manager’s office as soon as I turned up for my shift. It was true, as he’d seen fit to remind me, I work hours to fit in with my son. Again, as he’d reminded me, my office skills weren’t exceptional, and I could easily be replaced. I suffered through the whole lecture, biting my tongue, reminding myself I needed this job to keep a roof over our heads.
Tuesday he’d tested me. Sending far too much work my way so I struggled to complete it in time. I hadn’t complained, he was just pointing out that work, which had piled up while I’d been off. It still had to be done. That any of the others could have done it was not the point. I’d suffered in silence and simply hoped things would settle down again.
Today had been slightly easier, but the lunchtime meeting with the social worker had been fraught when she’d asked if Cas had been in trouble again. I didn’t enjoy my capabilities as a mother being brought into question. I’d left her office, concerned that despite everything I’m doing, the decision may already have been made to remove my son from my care. It all hinged on whether they were going to give Cas a custodial sentence or probation. I hope for the latter and dread the first.
Surprising me, Cas had enquired about my day as soon as I’d gotten home. It hadn’t been concern for the outcome of the meeting I’d had, he didn’t know where I’d been. But unusually. he’d noticed the stress on my face.
“Mom. I think it’s a good idea if we go to Pueblo this weekend.”
I ruffled his hair, and he jerked away. “You liked it that much, huh?”
“Well, yeah,” he replied as if I was dumb, but then added, “You seemed relaxed there. I’d heard you laughing and genuinely smiling which you haven’t done for some time.”
That pulled me up. He was right. Knowing Cas had so many of Mace’s brothers watching out for him had enabled me to relax, and despite having to cope with seeing Lizard again, I had had fun.
“You worry too much,” he’d told me.
Well, of course I do. I’m a mom with sole responsibility for a son. A son who’s been a lot easier to live with this week. That must be down to getting to know Mace and the other men.
“What did he say?” Cas comes into the kitchen, making a beeline for the fridge. He opens it, frowns, then shuts the door and goes to an overhead cupboard instead. In a moment, he’s got a packet of cookies in his hand.
I swear he eats me out of house and home. There’s no point in reminding him dinner will be soon, whatever he stuffs down now, he’ll be hungry again then.
“It’s fine, Cas. We’ll drive down Saturday morning.”
“Cool. Hey Mom, can I go round Jordan’s tomorrow? I’ll go straight from school.”
My immediate reaction is to say no. Cas still hasn’t let on whether any of his friends were involved when he stole that car. I suspect they were. But just who, I’ve no idea.
“You can’t stay the night,” I tell him firmly, watching his expression as I do. His face starts to tighten as I go for broke. “I’ll pick you up at nine.”
His breath whooshes out. I tense, waiting for the explosion that I’m sure is about to come. “Mace told me men prospect for his club to earn the members’ trust,” he reminds me. “Takes about a year, sometimes more. Some men never make the grade.” His eyes find mine. “I’ve lost your trust mom. Look, I know I did a stupid thing. I want to have the freedom I had before. I want to go around a friend’s house without a curfew. But, I do understand why you’re worried about me. Words won’t cut it right now, will they? So, I won’t make you a promise you won’t trust I’ll keep. I won’t fight you on this, Mom.”
If I ever needed proof going to find Cas’s dad was the right thing to do for my son, I’ve got it now. Tears prick at my eyes. I’m not stupid and know this new version of Cas may not hang around forever. Angry hormonal Cas may reappear at any time, but that it’s had some impact is incredible, and I’ll make the most of it while it lasts.
“Aww, Mom.” Cas steps forward and gives me a hug, then asks, “How long until dinner? I’m starved.”
The next day, having an unexpected free evening, I go to visit Lindy. She barely lets me get in the door.
“Now I’m going to get the whole story,” she says, sparing a moment to pull me into her arms, then lets me go just as fast, standing back expectantly.
Rolling my eyes, I tell her, “I’ve told you what happened on the phone. Lizard doesn’t recognise me and is living it up as a single man.”
“Yeah, but I can’t see your face on the phone. What you didn’t tell me was how that made you feel?”
She’s made dinner for us, some kind of chicken stew which smells great. I follow her into the kitchen as she prepares some sides, and I hop onto a stool.
“It’s as hard as ever, Lindy,” I admit. “Half of me expected him to recognise and greet me in some way. I know we’d never just pick up where we left off, too much water has gone under that bridge, but hoped we could be friends for Cas’s sake. But there wasn’t a flicker of recognition at all. It’s alright. I’m happy enough that Cas has a chance to get to know his father.”
She points a wooden spoon at me. “You’re a bad liar, Vanna.” When I shrug, she continues, “You haven’t seen him for ten years. Has he changed? I mean, physically? It would help if he had a pot belly.”
I chuckle. “Unfortunately, no pot belly. In fact, I hate him for how good he looks. He’s matured well, like a fine wine. He’s always had muscles, they look even more defined now. More delicious tattoos. No signs of grey in his hair which has grown longer. He’s as attractive as ever.”
“Delicious tats, eh? You want to lick him all over?”
The trouble is, I do. “He wouldn’t look twice at me, Lindy.” I frown and try to explain. “There are club girls, girls who live at the club. They like sex and are not shy about taking what they want.”
“Whores?”
“They are, but they clearly enjoy what they do. They’re young, pretty. They’ve got great figures…”
“Probably from all the workouts they get.”
I grin. She could be right, there. “And all the protein in their diet.” As I add that, Lindy gives a startled snort. I wait for her to stop laughing. “Thing is, with that on tap, why would he want a frump like me?”
“You are not a frump.” Turning, she places her hands on her hips. “You haven’t had your hair trimmed in ages. You could do with updating your wardrobe. You just don’t make the best of yourself.”
“I can’t afford new clothes and have you seen how much a haircut costs? Every time I think of going, something else pops up, like having to get a new tyre for my car.”
Dinner ready, she starts plating up. “I’ve got some clothes you could borrow. We’re about the same size. And as for your hair, I’ll treat you.”