“That’s great.” Getting him out of here will hopefully be a major step toward his recovery.
“They want to know who my doctor will be in Denver, so they can get my notes sent down.”
“I’ll deal with that,” I say promptly, while in the back of my mind I come up with another good reason for staying local. He’d be close if he needs to see the consultant again. Consistency is often good in any treatment.
Liz seems comfortable with my offer to sort things out on his behalf. He places the empty plate on the table and changes the subject. “Tell me about Cas. What does he like to do? How’s he getting on at school?”
I spend some time giving him a rundown of our son’s likes, dislikes and achievements, with Lizard querying stuff he doesn’t know, such as the latest Xbox games when I say Cas is a fan. He shakes his head when he realises how much has moved on in the twelve years he’s forgotten. Then when he’s caught up with the present, he asks me what it was like bringing Cas up on my own. I try to make light of it, but I can see him appreciate at times it was hard.
At one point he reaches over and takes hold of my hand, squeezing it. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault Liz. You couldn’t have done anything to prevent it.”
Talking has tired him out. I pick up a magazine I’d brought in with me and read as he dozes, not really concentrating on the words on the page, as recollections of the conversation I’d had with Demon go through my head.
I’d accepted my new reality would be taking my husband home to Denver and trying to make the best of things once we got there. But Liz has been gone more years than we were actually married. I still love him, else I’d have removed the wedding band from my finger, wouldn’t I? But much of this man lying sleeping on the hospital bed is a stranger. I’ll have to find out if I can live with the man he is now, and he’ll have to do the same with me.
As Liz isn’t in danger of dying, mid-evening I cease my vigil by the side of his bed and drive back to the compound. Of course, I barely get in the door before I get questions thrown at me.
“How is he, Vanna?”
“Improving,” I inform the two men who asked, Rusty and Hellfire. “He’s had a scan and they’re pleased with the progress he’s made. He’ll have another on Friday, and then should be able to come out at the weekend.”
I notice all the men are around and remember it’s Wednesday, and they held their meeting called church earlier. My eyes narrow as I see the whores coming out to play, and I walk over to Cas who’s immersed in a game of pool with Pyro.
Waiting discreetly until Pyro wins, I step in only after the last ball is sunk. “Cas, time to get upstairs.”
Glancing anxiously behind me, I see Pyro catching my silent plea for help and he gives me a quick grin. “Time for me to get Mel home.”
Cas starts to object, but I toss him my best mom glare. “Wills has set an Xbox up for you in our room. You can play on that for a while.”
“Don’t see why I can’t stay down here,” he complains.
Pyro’s passing, having collected Mel from the kitchen and overhears. “Kids and old ladies aren’t welcome after a certain time. You know this, Cas.”
“I know what goes on.” My son looks stubborn.
“You want to outstay your welcome?” Pyro sternly replies. “Men want to be men, Cas. That means no one underage in the clubroom.”
Cas tosses his pool cue onto the table and stomps across the room to the stairs. I give a weak smile toward Pyro, then follow my son. Live porn, or any porn is not something I want my son subjected to or not just yet, nor the drunken and rowdy behaviour when the men let down their hair.
I want to make myself scarce too. I know this was Lizard’s life when he lived apart from me. It’s hard to accept he knows all these club girls intimately and I hate that they’ve had more years with him than he had with me.
I climb the stairs slowly. All I’ve wanted for twelve years is for my husband to come back. Now it seems he intends to, I realise what a stranger he’ll be, and how difficult it will be just to pick up where we left off. Add Cas and his teenage behaviour into the mix, and I know it could be explosive. Instead of a male figure being a positive influence in his life, it might be a disaster and send Cas further off the rails. Liz has no idea how to be a dad to someone his age.
He thinks he can control him like a two-year-old. He can’t, he needs completely different handling. One thing I’ve learned is, it’s best to give way on things that don’t really matter in order to have wins where they count.
I suppose the best news is that the charges against Cas have been dropped. But is that a good thing or bad? Will it just teach him he can get away with that shit? That’s not the lesson he should be learning.
I huff a laugh. I always thought if my husband ever recovered his memory all my problems would disappear. In reality, it appears they’re only just starting.
Chapter Thirty
Lizard
I apparently recovered from a traumatic brain injury I got in Afghanistan. Well, if you can call it a recovery. I forgot my wife, didn’t acknowledge my kid, and even accused her of stepping out on me as I couldn’t remember him being born. Fuck, I probably accused her of faking the marriage certificate.
Now I’ve forgotten that I ever forgot, though my memory is still playing tricks on me. I remember Hatch—must make time to contact him as soon as I’m well enough—and of course remember Vanna, but not as she is now. And Cas? Well, it seems I’ve got a teenager and not a little kid. That’s fucking hard to wrap my head around.
As I can last envisage her, Vanna hadn’t lost all her baby weight. I recall her worrying about it though that hadn’t mattered a damn to me. Those stretch marks and slightly rounded belly were just evidence she’d grown my baby inside her for nine months. Now? Well, in my head I’m more than a decade younger, and I’d never thought I’d go for an older woman. While I’d never admit it, that’s what she seems to me. Why can’t I look at her and feel horny, just as I used to?
She’s my wife. She’s stayed faithful. I owe it to her to stay with her, pick up where we left off, and step into my role as Cas’s father.
Can we make this work?
There’s been changes to me, changes I don’t remember. My body is covered in tats and I don’t even know why I got some of them, or what the images signify. I’ve got a full back patch with the Satan’s Devils’ insignia. I’d been horrified to spot that. It was proof they hadn’t been lying when I was told I was a member of an outlaw motorcycle gang, the sort my real friends had always warned me about. That’s not who I am. The loss of my memory must have caused an aberration in my brain, as who I was, and who I’ve woken up as, would never ride with such men.
They’re criminals, we all know that. MCs run drugs, women and guns. They live with constant danger, fighting rival MCs and hiding what they do from the cops. Maybe a deeply hidden desire to end myself attracted me into their life?
I hope they’re leaving my woman and kid alone. I’m thankful Vanna and Cas are at a hotel, and not at the club. I’ll have to see what money I’ve got and help Vanna out to pay for that. Hopefully I’ll be out Saturday and we can return to her home. Her home, not mine. I’ve never seen it. All I can remember is living with her in San Diego.