Maybe I shouldn’t have let those pictures scare me away.
I glanced at Clara, memorizing the small smile on her mouth. Not that I needed to. I’d memorized that look years ago. August’s attention was rapt on the passing buildings and the ocean beyond.
“Been to the beach yet?” I asked Clara, keeping my voice low.
“Not yet. We came straight to your house.”
I grinned at her, then pushed down the blinker and drove to my favorite spot. When I pulled into the parking lot, August’s excitement was palpable. His legs kicked and he bounced in the confines of his seat’s harness.
“Can we go swimming?” he asked, nodding like he could influence his mother’s answer.
“Uh, not yet. But later we’ll go swimming. After we get checked into the hotel.”
“How long are you staying?” I unbuckled as she climbed out and helped August out of the car.
“Two nights.”
Two nights. Not enough. “What hotel?”
“The Kate Sperry Inn. It’s a local spot, I guess.” She shrugged. “The ratings were good.”
“It’s very nice.” The place was a four-star hotel that cared more about quality than quantity. She’d have access to the beach and a pool.
“Mom, can I—” He tugged on her arm.
“Go ahead. Only go into the water as far as your ankles.” She laughed as he raced away, stumbling a bit on that first footstep into the sand. But he righted himself quickly and threw his arms in the air as he ran.
“I did the exact same thing when I came here.” I chuckled and led Clara to the beach. Our pace slowed as we joined August at the water’s edge. He dipped a toe in, then dropped to put his hands in the foam.
“I hope you don’t feel like we invaded today,” she said.
“Not at all. It’s a Sunday. I don’t do much on Sundays except come to the beach. Surf if I’m feeling it. Today, I didn’t have to come alone.”
She tipped her head to the sky, letting the sunshine light the fine contours of her cheeks. Her every movement had my focus. It had always been like that, hadn’t it? Even when it shouldn’t have been. Even when I’d had to hide it from everyone else.
Clara had always held a special place in my life. She was sweet. She was strong. She made me laugh.
She made me feel like I could move mountains. Like I could swim across the ocean and back. She was . . . she was my Clara.
Maybe that was why it had been so easy to fall for her, even when I’d known I shouldn’t.
Twelve years ago. Today. Here I was, still hanging on her every step. Clinging to every word. Every smile.
Even when I knew I shouldn’t.
Chapter Ten
Karson
“August loves pizza,” Clara said, digging a fork into her salad. “I’ll eat it every now and then but rarely.”
“Same.” I twirled a twist of spaghetti around my fork. “I haven’t had peanut butter since.”
“Me neither. Gus didn’t even know what a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was until he started kindergarten last year. He thinks they are the best things ever.”
August was sitting behind a plastic steering wheel with his eyes glued to a video game screen where a race was about to start. The arcade room of the restaurant had been a hit. His foot slammed into the gas pedal and he shifted his body with every turn of the wheel.
After spending the afternoon at the beach, mostly watching August and the ocean, I’d taken them to get checked in to their hotel. Then we’d watched August swim for an hour.
Clara and I had talked poolside, mostly reminiscing about old times. She’d filled me in on the lives of the others and shown me pictures on her phone of Aria and her newborn baby.
The longer the day went on, the more and more I’d resented the noticeable lack of detail about her life in our conversation.
So I’d insisted on dinner. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye until I knew more of her story.
Around us, the sounds of arcade games filled the air with beeps and bells. Most of the tables were full of parents visiting. Like Clara, they seemed to keep one eye on their children, ready to dole out more quarters when needed.
Garlic and tomato and cheese scents infused the air. The owners of this little Italian restaurant had been brilliant to bring in the games for kids because it brought families here to savor their delicious food. The kids had the games. The parents, the wine selection.
“August is a great kid,” I said, smiling as he shot both hands in the air, game won.
“He’s my whole world.” Clara’s eyes lit up when they landed on her son. It reminded me so much of the past. She’d had that same look when we’d stood in line at the movie theater for tickets. Or the day I’d brought her that GED study guide, even though I’d stolen it. Or when she’d beat me at cards.
When I’d teased her that I’d let her win, when really, she’d kicked my ass.
“I keep getting this feeling like no time at all has passed,” I confessed. “Then I blink and remember how long it’s been.”
“I was thinking the same thing when we were on the beach today. Weird, right?”
“Weird.”
Wonderful, heartbreaking, beautiful misery.
I was so damn glad to be sitting across from her. And so fucking sad that I’d missed so much when maybe . . .
Maybe I hadn’t had to miss it.
Clara set her fork down and gave me a sad smile. “When you never came to see us in Vegas, I thought maybe . . . oh, never mind.”
“Thought what?”
“That you’d forgotten about us. That maybe we weren’t as good of friends as I’d built up in my head.”
Friends. That word rang through the air like a gunshot. Pain speared my chest. Direct hit.
Was that all she’d thought we were? Friends? Clara had to know that she’d meant so much more. And because of what she’d meant, it was the reason I hadn’t gone to Vegas with her in the first place.
I’d had to get my shit together. I’d had to realize that the words she’d once told me were true—that I wasn’t toxic to the people in my life. I’d had to grow up. Too bad it’d taken me so damn long.
By then, it had been too late.
“I never forgot about you. You know why I didn’t come with you to Vegas after the junkyard. I didn’t want to taint your life. I might have run away from my mother, but that didn’t mean her words hadn’t come to the junkyard with me. It took me a long time to erase them from the back of my mind. To move past them. You were right, what you told me. Wish I had listened. But I needed to figure it out on my own, you know?”
Understanding crossed her face. “Karson.”
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go with you. I just didn’t want to bring my bullshit into your new life. And by the time I realized it was just that—bullshit—well, a lot of years had passed.”
“I get it,” she said. “It’s the same reason all of us lost touch for so long. We all needed that time to put the past away.”
“Exactly.”
What I was never good at articulating, Clara could voice perfectly. There was no person on earth who’d gotten me like she always had. She knew it had been my mountain to climb.