This time around, I doubted it would turn out the same. Though maybe it was for the best if I didn’t see her again given the circumstances.
Why hadn’t she come a year ago?
The sun was only beginning to go down as we parked in front of my garage. Orange tinged the horizon.
“Catch the sunset from your hotel if you can. They’ve been pretty lately.”
Clara nodded and got out of the Cadillac, meeting me in front of the hood. “Thank you for dinner. And today.”
“No thanks needed. It was, well . . . my head is still spinning. I look at you and can’t believe you’re here.”
The color crept into her cheeks as another tendril of hair blew across her mouth. And damn it, my hands weren’t in my pockets. They acted of their own accord, lifting to brush the blond strands away.
Clara’s eyes were waiting as my hand fell away. And the look she gave me, the longing, twisted me into a knot.
“Clara, I—”
The door to the house opened and Holly emerged, walking down the sidewalk to the driveway. She was still in her baby blue scrubs from work and her dark hair was tied up. “Hey, baby. There you are. I texted you when I got here.”
“Hey. Sorry. I haven’t checked my phone.”
“That’s all right. Who’s this?”
I couldn’t look at Clara as Holly came to my side, standing on her toes to brush a kiss to my bearded jaw. “I want you to meet someone.”
“Okay.” Holly smiled at Clara, then glanced at the car. When she spotted August, she lifted her hand and waved.
I couldn’t avoid Clara’s gaze any longer. Anyone else would have just seen her smile. But I wasn’t anyone. I’d learned to read her a long time ago and there was pain there. Hurt that was totally my fucking fault.
“Holly, this is Clara Saint-James.” I swallowed hard, making the most painful introduction of my life. “Clara’s an old friend. She lived with me at the junkyard.”
Holly gasped, then lunged to take Clara’s hand and shake it. “What? Oh my goodness. It’s so nice to meet you.”
“You too.” Clara’s smile widened. Too wide. She looked to me for an explanation.
I only had one to give.
“Clara, this is Holly Fallon. My girlfriend.”
Chapter Eleven
Karson
“And their tongues weigh as much as an elephant.”
“That’s a big tongue,” I said.
August nodded, barely taking a breath between facts. “And you can tell how old they are from their ear wax.”
“No kidding.” I glanced at Clara, hoping to catch her gaze, but she was staring at her son. Just like she had been the entire meal. Eye contact had been fleeting at best.
“You sure know a lot about blue whales,” Holly said, leaning into my side.
Gus beamed. “We learnded about them in school.”
“Learned,” Clara corrected.
“That’s what I said.”
She shook her head and smiled, then focused on the restaurant, taking in the colorful décor and other patrons. Again, looking everywhere but at me.
Holly and I were on one side of the booth, August and Clara the opposite. Only a basket of chips and two bowls of salsa separated us, but for the tension between Clara and me, it might as well have been the Grand Canyon.
Thankfully, Holly hadn’t seemed to notice. Neither had August. Clara had smiled politely as we’d gathered at the hostess station, just like last night when she’d shaken Holly’s hand.
Maybe I was making too much out of this. Clara seemed . . . fine. She was laughing with her son and had gushed over her first chip and salsa bite. Was it just me?
She hadn’t flirted with me yesterday. She hadn’t acted strangely. Maybe it was my own bullshit making this weird.
How could it not be weird? I was attracted to Clara. I doubted there were many men on the planet who wouldn’t find her alluring. Add that to the emotional connection I’d had with her years ago and I was as enchanted by her as I had been as a kid.
For that, the guilt was eating me alive.
I hadn’t slept much last night. Holly had stayed over like she did most nights lately. Never in my life had I been so glad for a period week. I hadn’t had to come up with a reason to skip sex. I just . . . it didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel right.
Holly and I had been dating for a year but she kept her own place. We’d talked about her moving in after her lease expired, but I hadn’t insisted on it. She had a key. She knew she was welcome anytime.
The only night it had ever bothered me was last night. She’d curled into my side and I’d felt like a total fucking son of a bitch because while I’d been in bed with one woman, I hadn’t been able to get my mind off another.
After tossing and turning for a few hours, I’d finally given up and disappeared into my office. Hours of sifting through paperwork and emails hadn’t done anything but give me a headache.
I just . . . I needed a sign from Clara that we were good. That we were friends and whatever I’d been feeling yesterday was one-sided. Look at me.
She wiped a bit of salsa from the corner of August’s mouth.
Look at me.
She plucked another chip from the basket.
Clara, look at me.
She brushed a crumb from her lap, then locked her attention on her son.
Goddamn it.
August was the true champ tonight. That kid had filled every second with all the facts stored in his little head.
“We learnded about skeletons too,” he said.
“I like skeletons.” Holly leaned forward. “I’m a nurse so I know lots about skeletons.”
“Did you know the femur is the largest bone in your body?”
She nodded. “I did know that.”
“The smallest bone is in your ear. It’s the . . .” His forehead furrowed. “I can’t remember the name.”
“Stapes.”
“Yeah, yeah.” His eyes lit up. “The stapes.”
“What was your favorite thing about kindergarten?” I asked.
“Recess.”
I chuckled. “I liked recess too.”
“Karson said you guys live in Arizona.” Holly sipped from her margarita. “He actually told me about all of it. The Cadillac and how you came to bring it here. It’s so fantastic. The whole trip across the country. Truly . . . wow.”
“It’s been incredible to connect with everyone again.” Clara smiled and lifted her own drink, sparing me just a quick look over the rim. “I sent the girls a text last night. They all wanted me to tell you hello. And Londyn said she’s sending you the title to the car before you try to do something stupid like return it.”
I chuckled. “I’ll have to get her number from you.”
Somehow, I knew it wouldn’t be strange talking to Londyn again. And somehow, I knew the feeling I’d had yesterday with Clara, that longing, wouldn’t be there with my former girlfriend. Londyn and I would talk as old friends because that door had closed a long, long time ago.
No way could I say the same about Clara.
I took a chip, scooped some salsa and chomped it with fury. What the hell was wrong with me? Clara was an old friend too. We were history. So why couldn’t I shake the feeling from yesterday? Why did it feel like I was on the wrong goddamn side of this booth?