He blinks a couple of times and shakes his head. “Well, here is everything you’ve missed for the past… almost four months.”
I scan them. There are pictures of him and his nieces. Leah’s second birthday. The news that Nyx is pregnant again. His planned trip. Photos from Costa Rica. Him asking why I’m ignoring him.
“Why did you change your number?”
“Remember when Nyx or Persy set me up with some woman who was too intense? After one date, she was expecting a lot from me. She wouldn’t stop calling me or going to my house.”
“Ariana?”
He nods. “Her stalking got out of hand.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were busy,” he answers. “Nyx helped me get a restraining order. I changed phones and sold my house.”
“Was it that bad?”
He nods. “I was never with Misty. I wasn’t with anyone for that matter. I’ve been honest with you, always.” He’s about to touch me, but I step aside. “You don’t believe me.”
“Maybe I do. I don’t know. It’s a lot to process.”
“I unblocked my number and added it to your contacts.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “Why do I feel like you’ve put a barrier between us?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re not letting me get close to you or touch you.”
I half-smile. “I’m done being your fuck buddy, Eros. The person you search for when you feel lonely. With Misty, you at least thought, well, you’ll just marry her and be done with it.”
As I’m heading back toward the restaurant, he catches up with me and says, “You’re taking this all wrong.”
“I might be younger than you, but I’m not an idiot. Eighteen-year-old me would’ve believed anything you said. Lucky for me, I’m older and wiser.”
When we arrive at the table, I kiss Holly on the cheek. “I appreciate the invitation, but I’m leaving.”
I turn to look at everyone else. “It was nice to finally meet you.”
“Liv,” Eros calls after me as I make my way out. “Why are you leaving? I thought—”
“I’m going to tell you what you thought. You believed that I’d never come into your world. That it was safe to have this virtual friend. The fuck buddy who you could reach out to whenever it was convenient.”
I close my eyes, holding the tears. Why didn’t I realize I had feelings for him? Until now, I thought it was a fling. It wasn’t. I was falling and falling hard. I love him like I never loved anyone before—because it’s always been him.
My one.
For years it’s been just him in my life, while he was pining for his friend, going out on dates, and having a life. I’m my mother. God, she told me when he was helping us take care of her, “He’s just using you, Olivia. Be smarter than me.”
“Liv,” he whispers.
“Lose my number,” I say and walk away.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Eros
My chest constricts as Liv walks away from me. I can’t breathe. My heart stops. Fuck, I want to respect her wishes, but I can’t just let her go. As I take a step forward, I hear my annoying sister ordering me, “Stop.”
“She’s walking away,” I mumble.
“Are you having trouble breathing?” Persy asks.
I don’t answer, but fuck if I don’t feel like I’m about to die.
“Why haven’t you told us about her?” Her voice is calm, not the usual inquisitive annoying sound that drives me insane at times.
“Let it go, Persy.”
“Because she’s the one thing you don’t want to share with anyone,” she answers. “Have you ever been in love?”
“No, according to you.”
“When you fall in love, you can’t live without that person. The moment you see her, your face changes. You smile and there’s no one in the room but her. Being apart kills you. You seek that person all the time. She’s the first thought in the morning, and the last at night. When something good happens, you want to tell her first. When you feel like the world is about to end, you seek her. Seeing the person hurt is a thousand times more painful than anything you’ve ever experienced. Unless that person walks away from you.”
I toss my hands up in the air. “What do you want from me?”
She puts a hand on my arm. “How long have you been in love with her?”
I run a hand through my hair. “It’s not like…” I close my mouth, because who the fuck am I kidding? I am in love with Olivia.
“She broke your heart, how?” She fires another question. “Can you remember when you fell in love with her?”
“When did it happen?” I look up at the sky and take a deep breath. “I don’t know. It could’ve been between the time I saw her in Tacoma, when I went to San Francisco, or during all those texts we exchanged. The time was never right for us. It’s like she’s leaving when I’m arriving, or she’s arriving just as I’m about to leave. Our lives don’t align, and she lives in a different state. Every time I tried to tell her to come with me, to be with me, she’d say, ‘In another life.’”
“She’s here,” Persy whispers and kisses my cheek. “She’s mad at you because her heart is broken. Gather the pieces and glue them together. I think I understand why you can’t fall in love with anyone. She’s your forever.”
No. Liv is my everything.
I go back inside. Holly is my only hope.
“How long is Liv going to be in Colorado?” I ask her.
“Leave her alone,” she orders.
“I would, but I can’t. Not until she listens to me and knows how I feel about her.”
Holly glares at me. “Liv needs someone who’ll be by her side. Not a guy who disappears all the time. She’s the rock of her family. She needs a guy to lean on, not someone who is in love with his best friend.”
“Who do you think was there for her when Otto had a heart attack or when Beatriz was diagnosed with cancer?” I ask her, appalled. “Misty made sense because, as my sisters said, sometimes I feel alone. Olivia can’t settle in one place. First it was Seattle, then, San Francisco. For the past few years, it was Boston. Today it’s Colorado. Tomorrow it might be London because the new branch isn’t working the way Otto wants. I don’t want to be the person who holds her back because she hasn’t found herself yet. I never want to be that person.”
Holly smiles. “She’s here for another three or four months. After that, it’s up to her.”
“Where can I find her?”
“If you know her well, you should know that finding her right now is not the answer. If you think you are who she needs, then you should know you’re at a point where words aren’t going to fix anything.”
She’s right. Radio silence aside, I’ve been putting this off for too long. Liv said it earlier, she is done being my fuck buddy. She wasn’t ever in the first place, but from the outside, that’s exactly what it looks like. This is the moment when I have to ask myself, is Olivia Evelyn Sierra the love of my life, or should I let her go?