“Fuck,” he whispered, pain on his face. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But…I can’t turn down this part if they offer it to me.”
Her gaze went watery and she looked down at her hands, trying to gather herself together. “It’s okay, Jas. This thing between us…it’s new. You don’t owe me anything.”
He made a frustrated sound. “Don’t let me off that easy. Yes, it’s new, but you’re my girlfriend. Of course I owe you something.”
The word girlfriend hit her ears like a record scratch. As much weight as she’d pinned on that title, she realized now how paper-thin it was. The designation could disintegrate with one little shift in the universe. She met his gaze, tears slipping down her cheeks.
“You could come with me,” he said, a hopeful note in his voice. “If I get the part, you could move there, too. You can write from anywhere.”
The offer warmed her, but she shook her head, sad inevitability moving through her. “Do you realize how much your life will change when you get this part? You’ll become a public figure. Press and cameras and people digging into your private life. I… That’s not for me. I’d drown in that kind of fishbowl. Plus, I can write from anywhere, but my job is here. No one knows Miz Poppy anywhere else. I’d have to start over.”
His head dipped like he’d just realized there was no answer that solved this equation for them. He couldn’t have both. “I hate that I have to choose between an amazing break in my career and an amazing woman.”
Hollyn let out a breath. “It’s not really a choice, is it? I mean, part of me wishes it was. I’ve fallen in love with you.”
He closed his eyes like her words pained him, but it wasn’t lost on her that he didn’t say I love you, too.
“The idealistic side of me wants to believe that love conquers all. I’m that girl who watches all the romantic movies with the love at first sight and the fates aligning and the grand gestures where the characters declare that their love for each other is the be-all and end-all.” She swallowed past the tightness in her throat. “But I know that’s not real life. I know I’m not that girl in the movie. I maybe let myself forget that for a little while with you these last few weeks, but of course you’re not going to choose staying here with me over your dream. I would never expect you to do that. You’ve worked too hard to get this chance.”
“Hollyn.” Anguish crossed his face and he reached out, swiping tears from her cheeks. “You deserve to be that girl in the movie. You deserve to find someone who would sacrifice it all to be with you.” He shook his head. “Fuck.”
“What?” she whispered.
“That person is Cal,” Jasper said, his face all grim lines. “He told me he’d walk away from anything and everything if it meant he could be with you. I believe him.”
The fact that he was suggesting Cal should be her guy cut deeper than anything else. It meant Jasper didn’t love her. Not like she loved him. She could never see herself telling him to be with someone else. A snap of anger went through her. “You want me to be with Cal?”
He closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose. “No. Even saying it makes me want to punch things, but maybe he’s the better choice. I want you to be happy. He could give you what I can’t.”
“Don’t do that,” she whispered.
He lowered his hand and gave her a wary look. “Do what?”
“Play the martyr. Pretend like he’s better than you,” she said, frustration in her voice. “You’re capable of love. You’re capable of making someone happy. If you need to put your career first, then do that. But don’t act like you’re doing me some favor by sparing me a relationship with you. I didn’t fall in love with some flake. I fell in love with you, and I’m a pretty good judge of fucking character, so don’t insult me.”
He stared at her a moment, clearly taken aback, and then he let out a breath. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.” She poked him in the shoulder—hard. “You’re great and this hurts. So you let me have my broken heart, goddammit. I have earned the right to feel this way.”
His shoulders sagged and a look of utter sadness crossed his face. “I don’t want to break your heart, Hollyn. It’s killing me to see you upset. I care about you so much.”
The catch in his voice made her chest ache. This wasn’t a brush-off. Jasper really was hurting over this decision. She reached out and took his hand. “I believe you. I know you’re not trying to hurt me. You just already have the love of your life—your career. I never had a shot in that competition. If you don’t take this opportunity, you’ll just resent me, and it’ll doom us anyway. Either way, we’ve reached the end of our story.”
“God, this sucks,” he said, exhaustion in his voice.
“Yep. A whole lot.” Tears started up again despite her attempts to hold them in.
“Come ’ere,” he said finally, pulling her against him. She went willingly, leaning against his chest, his arm around her shoulders. So this was it. She closed her eyes and listened to the rapid beat of his heart, inhaled his scent, tried to imprint it all on her memory. Once upon a time, I was in love…
“Maybe I won’t get the part,” he said softly.
She sniffed. “Shut up. You’re going to nail that audition. Kenzie wouldn’t have come all the way out here if she didn’t think she was bringing them a sure thing. You think she wants to come to her ex for anything? She needs you for this. That’s the only explanation.”
Jasper pressed his nose to her hair, a deep exhale making her hair flutter. “I hate this. Why would the universe bring us together just to bait and switch us when we’re getting started?”
She draped her arm over his waist, wishing she didn’t have to let him go. “Maybe because the universe knew I needed you. Without you, I’d still be hiding in that office of mine, probably without my job. Even if it was only a couple of months of knowing each other, the time we had together has set my life on a different course—a better one. I don’t regret it, even though this is going to hurt like a sonofabitch when you leave.”
Jasper tightened his hold on her, pressing her against his chest. “You’ve helped me, too. This time with you has been…”
She wiggled, loosening his hold, and sat up to press her hand over his lips. “No speeches. Please. That will make it hurt worse.”
Jasper’s expression was drawn, but he nodded, and she lowered her hand. “Okay. No speeches.”
She searched his face, another thought popping into her head. Hers weren’t the only hopes that were about to be dashed. “Does the group know yet?”