“Come have a drink,” Gus demands, slapping his hand on my shoulder and leading me over to the bar. “We’ll have two shots of good whiskey,” he tells the bartender who smiles at us seductively. And if this were a couple of months ago, I’d act on it.
She lines up four shots instead of two, leaving us with a wink as we eye our drinks suspiciously.
“Do you think she drugged them?” Gus questions with a sickened look. After what he went through with that, I don’t blame him for wondering.
“No. I think she’s hoping to fuck us tonight. Both of us if I had to guess.” I lift the first glass and hold it up in salute. He clicks his in return and we down the amber liquid that hasn’t burned the back of my throat since the night I found Amy dead in her bathtub. “I’m a fucking mess,” I murmur under my breath.
Gus nods as if he already knows this because that’s kinda how Gus and I roll.
“We’re all a mess, dude. We never have our shit together. When I met Naomi, I was still in love with Vi, asking Naomi to sing a duet I wrote for Vi. Think of that shit. Yet, when I met Naomi, everything just… shifted. Like she was always there, just waiting for me to discover her. We crawl at their feet, unable to rise up on solid legs. I mean, sometimes we play it tight, right? But in the end, they own us, and they know it. Still, I wouldn’t change it.” He points a finger at me. “And I’m guessing you wouldn’t either. So what has you all in a twist?”
I glare at him and he shakes his head.
“You can’t let ghosts from the past rule your life in the present.”
“I don’t know how to stop it.”
“But you’re working on that, right? I mean, you’re dealing with it?”
“Yeah. I am. And I feel good about it, though it’s slower going than I thought it would by this point. She’s worth it though.”
“She is,” he agrees. “She could be your Naomi and Viola if you let her.”
“I think she is,” I tell him.
“Then why do you look like I just doused you in gasoline and lit a match?”
“Because I don’t know how to let go of that night. Of the things I didn’t do. Of the fact that she’s dead.”
He eyes me for a moment, thinking. “You might never. But that doesn’t mean you put your life or hers on hold. That doesn’t mean you clump being with Maia together with what happened with Amy.”
I hear his words. I know what he’s saying. And the biggest part of me wants to say, yes, totally and smile my way through this. But I just can’t.
“I’m trying.” I clap him on the shoulder and leave the bar. Just like that. I don’t even give a shit in this moment.
I just need Maia in my arms while I think.
I just need to think. That’s all. In ten fucking years, I haven’t done that. I just pushed and brushed it away. Pretended and ignored. And it’s catching up with me. Hard. No matter how many times I call Beth. No matter how long our ‘therapy’ sessions go on for.
And Maia is paying the price.
I make it back to the hotel in record time and into my dark hotel suite, hoping to find her here instead of in her room. She never canceled her rooms for this trip despite my urging her to. She was worried she might need them at certain points and other than that first day in Seattle, I’m pleased to say she hasn’t.
Now as I walk through the dark living room, I wonder if tonight was one of those nights for her. But when I turn the corner into the bedroom I catch sight of her beautiful body sleeping face down in my bed. I breathe out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“I love you,” I whisper.
She doesn’t move and I don’t know if I’m disappointed by that or not. I continue to watch her, but her breathing is as slow and even as it always is when she’s in a deep sleep.
“I’m a fucking mess, Maia. I am. I want to be the man you deserve so much but my mind just keeps dragging back to…” I trail off. She knows where it keeps dragging. “By the time we get home, everything will be different. I promise. Just a little more time, darlin’.” I’m doing everything I need to be doing. Everything Beth tells me to. All the therapy I should have done ten years ago.
I feel so certain in this that I take off my clothes and slip into bed behind her. My hands wrap around her, dragging her back until she’s flush with me.
“Keith?” she stirs.
I grin into her hair. “Who else were you expecting?”
“Hades,” she retorts, and now my grin turns into a smile.
“I’m not stealing you away, Persephone. But if it takes a small trick or two to keep you, I’ll resort to just about anything.” I roll her in my arms and meet her eyes in the dusky darkness. “How’s your headache?” I kiss her forehead.
“Better.”
I trail my fingers along her face, staring down at her in awe. And just like that first time I looked into her eyes, my world shifts once more. “I missed you tonight.”
Without waiting for her reply, I fuse our lips, parting them and instantly sweeping my tongue with hers. I roll on top of her, cupping her face as I deepen our connection. She moans into me as I lower myself onto her, rolling my hips up into her the way I know she likes.
In a flurry of movement, I remove the thin tee and boy shorts she was wearing, not removing my lips from hers. I can’t get enough of the way she tastes. Of the way she smells. Of the way she feels. There is no limit with her. No end.
I had no idea I was capable of being like this with someone, but with Maia, I’m not sure I ever had a choice.
Then I’m inside of her, intertwining our hands and raising them above her head. I stare into her eyes as I move in and out of her, slowly, watching as she feels me fill her up and then slip out of her.
It hits me like a bolt of lightning. She’s the first woman I’ve looked in the eyes while being inside of them since Amy. And something about that realization makes me smile. Makes me think I’ve got this.
I can love you, Maia. I can.
Sweat collects along my hairline and in between my shoulder blades as her legs wrap around my back and she angles her body up, deepening the way I take her. Over and over, her hands now clenching mine the closer she gets. Harder and harder, she begs me for more.
It’s all I want to give her.
My forehead drops, pressing to hers, but our eyes never close. Our gazes never wander. Our hearts beat as one. It’s in this moment the difference between making love and fucking truly hits home.
Because that’s what I’m doing.
I’m making love to Maia.
She’s given me her heart. All of it. So selflessly. So beautifully. Just like her.
I am wild for her.
Captured and enraptured and desperate.
Like Hades was when he tricked Persephone into eating those pomegranate seeds. He would do anything to keep the woman he loved with him, to not lose her, and I am no different. I want to do the same. I want to trick her. To keep her. To own whatever piece of her she’ll allow me to have.
To never lose her
Life rule #43: Don’t fuck up when fucking up is not an option. You just might lose everything if you do.
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