“And that’s why I have to go.” I lean in and kiss him goodbye and then run like hell.
I make it outside, the heavy door slamming behind me. Warm, stale air brushes across my tacky skin, doing nothing to comfort or bring me clarity. I’m a mess of a woman as useless tears cling to my lashes.
“You’re leaving already?” Jasper’s voice catches me off guard, and I start. Why did he bother following me? “You just got here.”
“Yes,” I reply, twisting around to face the green eyes that have been fucking with my head since I caught them ten minutes ago. “You can’t be surprised.”
“He loves you. He’s just lost in this life, ya know?” I shake my head at him. Jasper takes a long step in my direction, wanting to get closer and yet hesitant to. “So that’s it? You just walk away from him?”
“Am I supposed to ignore the fact that he’s been cheating on me?”
“No. I suppose not. And I can’t make excuses for it either.”
“What do you want, Jasper? You can’t honestly tell me you’re disappointed to be rid of me.”
“I see we’re at the zero-fucks-left-to-give portion of the evening.”
I shrug. That just about sums it up.
His eyes, filled with anger, indecision, and frustration, bounce all around, the street, the lights of the neighboring storefronts, the crowd still dispersing from the show, everywhere but at me. I can’t stand this any longer, so I turn away and start to walk out into the Los Angeles night, away from the arena where Wild Minds–the band and the boys I’ve loved my whole life–just performed.
“It’s yours,” Jasper calls out, and I’m so confused by his hasty words that I freeze, turning back to him. His expression is completely exposed. Utterly vulnerable. And he’s staring straight at me. Directly into my eyes in a way he hasn’t dared since we were fourteen. My heart picks up a few extra beats, my breath held firmly in my chest. God, this man is so intense, I feel him in my fingernails.
“What is?” I finally ask when he doesn’t follow that up.
“The album,” he answers slowly, reluctantly, like it pains him to confess this, his darkest secret. “Every song on it is yours. All of them, I wrote about you.”
I stand here, lost in space as I grasp just what he’s saying. What it means, as random lyrics from random songs on their album flitter through my head. Song after song filled with the most achingly beautiful poetry.
“Jasper?” I whisper, my hand over my chest because I’m positive my heart never beat like this before.
But he is already at the door, having confessed his sins without waiting for absolution.
“Why did you tell me?” I yell after him, praying he’ll stop. Needing him to explain this to me. Why did you tell me, Jasper? Why did you pick this moment to ruin me?
His hand rests on the frame of the now open door, his head bowed, his back to me. “Because I didn’t think I’d ever get another chance, knowing I’ll probably never see you again.” He blows out a harsh breath. “But it doesn’t change anything, Vi. Absolutely nothing. So you can move on without us and pretend like I never said a word.”
And then the door slams shut behind him.
Jesus.
It takes me forever to move. To force myself to try and do just that. To try and forget his words and ignore the havoc they just created.
Knowing it’s futile. Knowing those words will reside in me forever.
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The Edge of Temptation
Halle
* * *
“No,” I reply emphatically, hoping my tone is stronger than my disposition. “I’m not doing it. Absolutely not. Just no.” I point my finger for emphasis, but I don’t think the gesture is getting me anywhere. Rina just stares at me, the tip of her finger gliding along the lip of her martini glass.
“You’re smiling. If you don’t want to do this, then why are you smiling?”
I sigh. She’s right. I am smiling. But only because it’s so ridiculous. In all the years she’s known me, I’ve never hit on a total stranger. I don’t think I’d have any idea how to even do that. And honestly, I’m just not in the right frame of mind to put in the effort. “It’s funny, that’s all.” I shrug, playing it off. It’s really not funny. The word terrifying comes closer. “But my answer is still no.”
“It’s been, what?” Margot chimes in, her gaze flicking between Rina, Aria, and me like she’s actually trying to figure this out. She’s not. I know where she’s going with this and it’s fucking rhetorical. “A month?”
See? I told you.
“You broke up with Matt a month ago. And you can’t play it off like you’re all upset over it, because we know you’re not.”
“Who says I’m not upset?” I furrow my eyebrows, feigning incredulous, but I can’t quite meet their eyes. “I was with him for two years.”
But she’s right. I’m not upset about Matt. I just don’t have the desire to hit on some random dude at some random bar in the South End of Boston.
“Two useless years,” Rina persists with a roll of her blue eyes before taking a sip of her appletini. She sets her glass down, leaning her small frame back in her chair as she crosses her arms over her chest and purses her lips like she’s pissed off on my behalf. “The guy was a freaking asshole.”
“And a criminal,” Aria adds, tipping back her fancy glass and finishing off the last of her dirty martini, complete with olive. She chews on it slowly, quirking a pointed eyebrow at me. “The cocksucker repeatedly ignored you so he could defraud people.”
“All true.” I can’t even deny it. My ex was a black-hat hacker. And while that might sound all hot and sexy in a mysterious, dangerous way, it isn’t. The piece of shit stole credit card numbers, and not only used them for himself but sold them on the dark web. He was also one of those hacktivists who got his rocks off by working with other degenerate assholes to try and bring down various companies and websites.
In my defense, I didn’t know what he was up to until the FBI came into my place of work, hauled me downtown, and interviewed me for hours. I was so embarrassed, I could hardly show my face at work again. Not only that, but everyone was talking about me. Either with pity or suspicion in their eyes, like I was a criminal right along with him.
Matt had a regular job as a red-team specialist—legit hackers who are paid by companies to go in and try to penetrate their systems. I assumed all that time he spent on his computer at night was him working hard to get ahead. At least that was his perpetual excuse when challenged.
Nothing makes you feel more naïve than discovering the man you had been engaged to is actually a criminal who was stealing from people. And committing said thefts while living with you.
I looked up one of the people the FBI had mentioned in relation to Matt’s criminal activities. The woman had a weird name that stuck out to me for some reason, and when I found her, I learned she was a widow with three grandchildren, a son in the military, and was a recently retired nurse. It made me sick to my stomach. Still does when I think about it.