Sacrifice.
Ivy’s face pops into mind, and I have to push it away for the time being. As if he knows what I’m thinking, Pearce says, “I’ve reminded him what his priorities are this close to the combine. He knows what’s most important. Knows not to get distracted.”
I look to the ground, jaw tight.
Wilkins walks over to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. “There are going to be perks no matter who chooses you and who you sign a contract with. But consider New York. You’re from here. You’ve got family around. You can bring the team to a lot of victories. Any team would be lucky to have you though.”
After leaving the office, my head fills with about a thousand different thoughts that are hard to sort. The tornado of what-ifs and worries leave me mentally drained, and I’m grateful I have class to force me to focus on something other than my future football career and the girl I left naked in my bed.
What is it that Dad says? Oh, right.
It’s not really a dream if you don’t sacrifice anything for it.
Chapter Seventeen
Ivy
The soft mumblings of other students gathered at the tables in the library fill the otherwise quiet space as I tap my pen against my notebook and stare at the row of unoccupied computers. Glancing down at my phone screen and staring at the last text I sent that was left unanswered, I swallow my doubt and push back my chair.
I’m usually the one who leaves the rumpled bed without another word and doesn’t look back, so I tell myself it’s just my bruised ego getting to me. Karma. I’ve never been the girl who waits for a guy to text her back, and I don’t want to start now.
Logging into one of the school’s computers, I pull up the old social media site that I haven’t used in a long time. I’m not sure why my talk with Aiden stirred a need to do this, or why waking up alone left a hole in my chest that I feel the need to mend on my own, but the temptation for change is too much to ignore.
Aiden’s always been the person to make me want more. Make me want better. And I’m the only person who can make it happen.
The second I’m on, my fingers only hesitate a moment before typing in the name I’ve thought about more times than I can count.
There he is.
Porter Underwood.
His account is private, but the profile picture is undoubtedly him in… “A football uniform?” My eyes narrow as I study the image, running my fingertips over Haven Falls High’s name on the jersey plastered to him.
Porter still plays like Mom and Dad said he would all those years ago.
“Ivy?” someone calls from behind me.
I turn quickly to see Raine walking toward me with a smile on her face. A few of the girls from the house are with her, all glancing in our direction as they settle at a table nearby. Most of them look away, but one—Hannah—is still watching closely with interest in her eyes. Besides Raine, the petite brunette currently staring was the only other person I didn’t totally dislike. We rarely spoke, but there was always the slightest flinch whenever Sydney said something rude to me that made me think she couldn’t be that bad if she didn’t approve of their leader’s cattiness.
“Hey,” Raine greets.
“Hi.”
Her eyes go to the screen, her lips stretching a little more. “Who’s that? He’s handsome.”
I want to roll my eyes, but I don’t. She’s not wrong. My little brother doesn’t look so little anymore. He’s grown into his big ears, and he’s filled out based on the way his gear fits him. Mom used to say that if he grew into his feet, he’d tower over every single one of us someday.
Sighing, I murmur, “He’s my brother.”
I’m sure if I looked, I’d see some form of surprise on my former housemate’s face. Since moving, I see her at Aiden’s place frequently, but I don’t say much. When she knows I’m downstairs she’ll break away from Caleb to say hi. Sometimes we’ll watch TV. Other times we’ll do homework together after asking each other how our weeks have been. Raine is sweet for putting in an effort, yet my tongue remains lead in my mouth when my brain pushes me to make conversation with her.
“I can see it now.” She points toward his eyes, which are the same bright shade of unique honey brown as mine. Everyone used to say it’s where the similarities stopped in both looks in personality. Porter was the spoiled youngest child, and I was the bitter older one.
I guess nobody was wrong in that assessment, but it didn’t stop me from being irritated over the commentary when they didn’t know the reasons I had to be bitter.
I don’t want to see your face again.
My heart threatens to crack further, but I hold it together the best way I can. Those words propelled me to act—to run.
“I didn’t know he played,” I admit. It’s a whisper to the air, yet Raine still hears as I examine the computer screen. His hair isn’t nearly as curly as it was but cut short and styled with either gel or sweat.
“You don’t stay in touch?”
Licking my bottom lip and wincing at the slice of pain over how chapped they are from the cold weather, I shake my head. “I don’t talk to anyone in my family. It’s…uh, complicated.” My attention shifts back to her. “I want to reach out though. Maybe give him my number if I work up the courage to.”
The softness on her face returns. “I think that’s a great idea. I’m sure he’ll look forward to hearing from you.”
I swallow my doubt. “Yeah.”
If I were in his shoes, I’m not sure I’d feel the same. The night I left home I cracked his bedroom door open slowly to see his sleeping form in bed. I walked in, pulled the blanket up to tuck him in like I used to help Mom do, and whispered, “Good luck.”
We haven’t seen each other since dinner that night, where the last words he said to me were, “I wish I were an only child.”
Someone calls Raine’s name, causing her to look over her shoulder and lift a finger up in wait. When she turns back to me, I’m not sure why I blurt, “Can I ask you something?” but I do.
Her eyebrows practically dart up to her hairline. “Of course. Sure.”
Rubbing my thighs with the heels of my palms, I stifle a small sigh. “Has Aiden been happy? I mean, like, really happy. Before I…”
She blinks slowly, then a knowing smile creeps up at the corners of her lips as she drops her gaze to the floor for a moment to collect herself. “Aiden has always been serious about everything since he got here. Caleb could barely get a word out of him at first. Some of the guys thought he was mute or stuck up until my boyfriend managed to crack his shell. When you showed up…” Her shoulders lift. “Cal mentioned that you two knew each other from when you were younger. I think it’s great that you both wound up here even if it was by random luck. Aiden’s dedication to building his future probably produces some happiness, but personally, I think he deserves more of it. Sports can only get people so much, you know?”
“Money makes people happy.”
“But people are the biggest source of it,” she counters pointedly.
I press my lips together for a moment. “I think people can also cause the most pain in the long run, especially the people closest to you.”