“Well, that’s incredibly uncalled for. First of all, when have we all ever gone to dinner somewhere that required a suit and tie? Second of all, he wears work boots because he makes sure that people have electricity. Like what you’re using right now at the office you’re so proud of. How do you think those outlets and lights and a bunch of other stuff got there? Stop being such a snob, Grace. You’re not better than anyone else.”
She blows out a breath, “I know. I know. I’m just in a shitty mood and took it out on you. You’re right, it was uncalled for and rude. That’s not how I think, I promise. It’s just been a long couple of weeks is all.”
“What’s going on? Is it work?”
She hesitates and then I hear her office door shutting. “No, work is fine. As always. That I can handle.”
“Samuel?”
“How’d you guess?”
“Just a hunch. He was weird at Christmas and you’ve just said a few things lately that made me wonder.”
“He’s been having an affair.”
I gasp. “That fucker!”
She laughs a little. “Yeah, that’s kind of what I thought, too.”
“How long has that been going on?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. My guess? Our entire marriage, just with different women.”
“Nooooo!”
“Oh yeah. I’m pretty sure of it. There’s just been signs, I guess. Plus, who could blame him? I work a million hours a week and am never in the mood for sex.”
“Uhh, I can blame him. Screw that, I do blame him! He knew about how much you would be working when he married you. That’s not an excuse.”
On the other line, I think I hear her sniffle, which breaks my heart. I hate the thought of her crying over someone who’s not worth her tears.
“How’d you find out?”
“This is the best part. He was fired because he was sending dick pics to his assistant. The same one he’s been sleeping with for the past year. His company has a no-fraternization policy but he was always dumb enough to use his company cell phone to send the picture to her. On company time. So yeah, he was fired for being an idiot, basically.”
“That’s it. He’s getting his wiener cut off.”
She laughs again. “Yeah, I’ve had the same thought, too.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Well, he was fired so he’s no longer working there. The temptation is gone.”
Is she saying that it’s the other woman’s fault? Surely not, right? “What do you mean, the temptation is gone?”
“He’s no longer there so the problem won’t be a problem anymore. I’m still mad about it, but I’m not going to end a marriage just because he has a wandering eye.”
“Wait… I’m confused. Did he have a wandering eye and have an emotional affair only? Like he had the hots for her but never did anything physical? Which isn’t okay, either. Or did he have sex with his assistant? Or did he just send her a picture of his wanger?”
“Wanger? Really?”
“Well, pardon me but saying the word dick or penis gets boring after a while.”
“You’re so ridiculous.” She laughs. “To answer your question, he fessed up to having sex with her but promised he was finished with it. He had a momentary lapse in judgment. It happens.”
“It happens?”
“Well, it’s far from ideal but it’s not worth tossing away a marriage for it. I believe him when he said he won’t do it again because I saw how truly sorry he was. Plus, I’m pretty sure it was a midlife crisis.”
I’m so confused but honestly, this conversation is so dumb and annoying, I’ll just end it now. “Grace, I’ll support you, but I need to be honest with you. I feel like you’re heartbroken but you’re trying to brush it off like it’s no big deal to save face. And if that’s the case, then I’m sad for you because no one would think less of you if you admitted that you’re upset that your husband cheated.”
“I didn’t say I wasn’t upset, Ashley. But I’m a grown woman who can look at life logically.”
I have no words for her. Grown women can’t be upset? Women who are sad because their husbands cheat are illogical? Nothing she’s saying is making any sense. Maybe she’s the one going through a midlife crisis and is losing her mind.
“Like I said, I’m here to support you however you need. I am sorry you’re going through it, though.”
“Thank you, sis. That’s all I need right now, your support.”
“Then that’s what you’ve got.”
“What time is your appointment tomorrow?”
“Nine.”
In the background, I hear what sounds like her closing up her office. I’ve been on the phone with her at this hour enough to know the telltale signs of her locking her file cabinets and zipping up her computer bag.
“You excited?”
“Yeah, I am. I’m also a little nervous, too. What if they can’t hear the heartbeat?”
“Then they’ll do it vaginally. The baby is healthy, though, and so are you, so there shouldn’t be a problem, right?”
“Right.” I nod and switch my phone to speaker so I can wash my face and brush my teeth. Just like me being used to talking with Grace while she’s moving around her office and working while we’re on the phone, she’s used to the same with me. Only, the things that I do are at home.
“And Nik’s been good? Do we need to do anything official for his side of things yet? I know it’s early, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.”
Around my toothbrush, I mumble, “Stop being a lawyer, Grace. It’s not a good look.”
“It’s my only look, you ass.”
“That’s why I said it’s not a good look,” I tease, laughing at myself. Toothpaste spews out of my mouth and splatters the mirror.
“Bitch.” She laughs.
“Takes one to know one,” I counter, spitting out the toothpaste and rinsing out my mouth.
“Mom and Dad spoiled you too much.”
“Uh huh. Find a new comeback, girl.”
I hear her car beep like she’s just unlocked the car door and then the door shuts. “Fuck, it’s cold out,” she complains.
“Isn’t the garage you park in heated?”
“It is but it’s not all toasty warm. It doesn’t take all the chill out, though. Especially when the high is like two.”
“True,” I murmur, keeping my lips pressed together while I wash my face.
“What did you eat tonight?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m hungry and can’t decide what to eat and need ideas.”
I grin and dry my face, keeping my phone on speaker because I don’t feel like pressing it to my ear. “You’re so strange. I grabbed two slices of pizza and a Naked Juice from the gas station on the way home because there was an abundance of disgusting teeth to clean today and I didn’t have the energy for anything else. And I had some pretzels for a snack.”
“With mustard? Damn, that sounds good. What kind of pizza?”