“What do you mean, then?”
“I don’t know. Saying you’re my boyfriend feels like I just shot back to high school but saying that you’re the father of my unborn child isn’t what I want to say, either. For me, I like what we are. I like spending time with you and sharing meals. I like being open with each other about how we’re feeling. If this is going to work, though, because we’ve both sucked royally in the past when it comes to relationships, I think it would be better if we don’t put pressure on ourselves.”
“You understand that I want you, right? That I see something in the future between us that’s more than this baby?” I ask, placing my hand on her stomach.
She covers my hand with hers and nods. “I see it, too. But I’m so scared. If it doesn’t work because we’re trying too hard, it’s not only us that’s going to suffer for it. We’ve got this little one to think about now, too.”
That makes sense. I might not like it, but I do agree with it. And I understand. Mostly, anyway. I want her but she’s right — we’ve not made healthy choices for relationships in the past so maybe this is our chance to learn from our mistakes and move forward. Together.
“I’ll make you a deal.”
“What kind of deal?”
I lean up and kiss her neck. “Well, the kind that we both benefit from.”
“I’m listening.”
“The deal is…” I kiss just below her ear and tug on her earlobe with my teeth.
“…Yes?” She’s panting and when I let my hand slide under her shirt and up to her chest, she releases a little shiver that makes me smile.
“Are you agreeing to the deal?”
“Yes,” she moans then… “Wait. What’s the deal?”
I chuckle and sit back, giving her a break so we can finish this conversation with a clear head rather than controlled by our hormones. “Almost had you there,” I tease. “If I agree that we aren’t going to give us a name, I want you to tell me the second you’re ready for us to change that status. While I understand the hesitation you’re feeling about making anything official and agree with it, for the most part, I also want you to know that I’m ready for more between us. I’ll promise you that I won’t pressure you as long as you have an open mind about the potential that’s there for us. And in return for my herculean effort in practicing patience, you’ll reward me with…” I hesitate, loving the heated look that warms her face. “Not only that, you perv.” No shame in this one, she only grins and shrugs as if to ask who could blame her. “But for the record, if that’s what you want from me, just let me know and I’ll gladly provide. What I was going to say, though, is that I would like you to reward me with being the first, and I mean the first, to know when you’re ready. I don’t want you running to a friend to talk it over, or your sisters only for them to try to talk you out of it since they hated me before they knew me. I want you to promise me that when you’re feeling confident in who we are together, not just as two people who will be raising a child together, you call me, text me, send a carrier pigeon, whatever it is, so that I hear it first.”
“You really think my sisters would try to talk me out of it and I’d listen?”
“Not sure. But I don’t want to run the risk. They don’t know me. And, at least Grace isn’t willing to get to know me. Until I know for certain that they’re not anti-Nik, I want us to keep this between us. I want this to work and if that means we keep our relationship, or whatever it is, private in order for that to happen, I’m okay with it.”
“What about Josie?”
“If you want me to leave her out of the loop, I will. I’m asking you to do that with your sisters, so I’ll do the same.”
“You would?”
“Of course. Let’s give us the best shot possible. I’ll be your dirty little secret,” I joke.
“Hmm,” she preens, leaning closer and kissing me. “That might be kind of fun.”
“Might be. I know the rest of what we do together sure as hell is.”
“I’m in.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I like the idea of keeping it for ourselves. I also like the idea of telling you first. You deserve to know. But you’ll do the same, right? If it’s getting to be too much for you to wait.”
“It won’t be. I’ll wait.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because you’re worth waiting for.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I waited thirty-five years to find you. What’s a few more months?”
“Wow. That’s a good answer.” She slams her lips to mine and we spend the rest of the night in each other’s arms.
Since our talk, time has crawled along slowly and sped by fast. I know we’re both trying to soak in all the stages, but we’re both anxious for the more exciting stuff. When she felt the baby kick last week, she called me in tears. I’d left the office that night, eager to get to her. Then I sat on her couch with my hand on her belly, talking to her stomach and willing the baby to kick for me. It didn’t happen for exactly two hours and twenty-four minutes. When I felt the tiny flutter, I almost cried. Since then, Ashley has been feeling kicks and movements more often but I know from Josie that it will only increase the farther along she gets.
In exactly one week we get to find out the sex of the baby, God willing. Hopefully the little rugrat is cooperating and not hiding anything or angled in such a way that we can’t see the pertinent parts to figuring out if we’re having a boy or girl.
I stare at the picture on my phone that I snapped of Ashley just a couple days ago.
“Boss? You ready?”
From the doorway to my office, my second guy, the one who is basically me, but without the stress of being the business owner, stands. Brandon has been my friend since I was a kid. His sister lives in town as well, and Brandon’s dad is the co-owner of a construction company I work with regularly. Brandon worked for a lot of years for his father and his father’s best friend, while also being lead singer of a band. The band never made it to Nashville, but that was never their intentions, either.
Brandon still plays with the same band members, but since he and his wife Savannah have become a family of five, he decided to keep it just as a hobby.
Brandon also wanted to do something different than working with his dad forever, and I needed someone who knew the business. He and I work great together, and it makes my days go by a lot quicker because I know he’s got my back.
“Yeah. Just a minute.”
“You were staring at your phone with hearts practically jumping out of your eyes like you were hoping she was going to pop out of it like those giant cakes.”
“Who?” I ask, playing dumb, flipping my phone around, letting the smooth surface glide through my fingers.
Brandon shuts the door and crosses the room, planting himself in the chair across from me. “You know exactly who I’m talking about. Don’t try to bullshit me. I know you’re so hot for that woman it’s got you twisted up inside.”
Tossing my phone on my desk, I lean back in my chair, linking my hands together behind my head. “She does,” I reply. “I can’t help it. She wants to keep things quiet so that no one else can get in the middle of our relationship, but also so that we have time to focus on ourselves. Well, I may have been the one suggesting that part. It’s all kind of blurry at this point who suggested what. But all I know is that we’re having a lot of fucking fun in the meantime.”