“Don’t let their comments get to you, remember? Their opinions are only that. Opinions.”
I take a deep breath, staring through the windshield of my car toward the door that leads inside the restaurant of doom. That might not be fair. The restaurant itself isn’t full of doom. It’s actually one of my favorites. Maybe that’s why I’m nervous. I don’t want to have one of my favorite places ruined because of my sisters’ negativity.
“Ash?”
“I’m here.”
“You got this. I believe in you. And if they start up with you, call me and put me on speaker. I’ll have a talk with ‘em both.”
That would be a disaster. He might be encouraging me to spend time with them but he wants very little part of it. They’ve been nothing but nasty to him and he doesn’t deserve it. For the most part, I’ve tried to keep him away from them for that very reason. What he said about having a talk with Grace and Lucy? He’s completely serious. The only reason he hasn’t given them a piece of his mind is because he doesn’t want to cause more troubles between us. But the offer is beyond sweet, nonetheless. And, honestly, if things don’t change soon, I’ll be taking him up on it. For now, though, he just needs to know one thing. “You’re the best, Nik. I don’t know what I would do without you. Thank you.”
“For what? Offering to talk with them?”
“No. For being you.”
“You know, maybe I changed my mind,” he says, his voice an octave or two lower.
“About what?”
“Maybe you should skip dinner with the sisters tonight and come hang out with me instead. I’ll make you forget all about their judgmental asses.”
“Tempting.” It is, too. He doesn’t realize how much more I would rather be sitting on the couch with him than… well, basically doing anything else. The day we were in the hospital waiting room while Josie was giving birth to Jay, I made a little joke along the lines of how I made a good choice for who my baby’s daddy is. But it really wasn’t a joke at all. He’s wonderful. The best partner a girl could ask for, and I mean partner in every sense of the word. If only I could find the courage for the physical stuff we’ve been dancing around.
I don’t know how much longer I can hold out from not attacking him. I’m so dang horny all the time and being around Nik doesn’t help one bit. He’s the definition of a walking temptation. I know that giving in to our desires would be great. Beyond great, actually. Spectacular. Mind-blowing, even. But what about after?
Right now it is so good between us.
So good.
We’re much more than only friends but not friends who cross the line, even though we both want it. But I can’t get over the what-ifs that continue to circle around in my head like the animals in a carousel. We’re happy together as friends. There’s always this invisible boundary line holding us in our places. That line seems to be getting thinner and thinner by the minute, though.
I want him with every fiber of my being. We haven’t had sex since the night Jay was born and I don’t know how much more I can take.
What I wouldn’t give to run my tongue up and down his upper body and for him to do the same to me. He told me early on that he was an affectionate guy and he wasn’t lying. It’s the truth, for sure. And it’s wearing me down. All the little hugs and hand holding, the forehead kisses, the way he places his hand on my lower back. He’s breaking down every defense I have simply by being him. No charade or fancy talking. It’s just… Nikolas.
I hear a knock on my driver’s door window and I turn to see Grace looking annoyed. She turns her finger in the universal hurry it up already signal and I roll my eyes.
“Grace is here looking grumpy as ever.”
“Sounds like it’ll be a fun night.”
“Right. I’ll call you after.”
“Or during. Whatever you need.”
I glance over at Grace who looks even more impatient than she was ten seconds ago. Even though it’s a beautiful summer day, the sun shining brightly, the humidity low and heat bearable, she looks like she’s miserable. I mouth, “I’m coming,” to her and dip my head and say to Nik, “Thank you. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Told you already, baby. No need to thank me. This is what we do. We’re there for each other. No questions asked. Now, go have dinner with your sisters and eat all the things.”
I hang up and drop my phone into my purse. I don’t take the time to check my appearance in the visor mirror before opening my door. Grace will just be even more irritated if I take another five seconds.
“Yes?”
“You’re so selfish, Ashley. I’ve been standing here for like twenty minutes.”
“Two, actually, and no one told you to wait for me.”
She huffs and spins on her sky-high heels before stomping toward the restaurant. She looks impeccable as always. A black pencil skirt and white sleeveless blouse tucked into the high waist. She must have come straight from the office. I’m sure she was wearing a blazer over her blouse earlier to complete the look of buttoned-up professional lawyer.
I used to think she dressed this way to intimidate people but now I think that’s just her preferred attire. It’s a lot different than my lavender tunic that I used to wear pre-pregnancy but is flowy enough that it doubles as a maternity top, a simple pair of black leggings, and a pair of flip-flops. The weather might be bearable this summer, but I’m still seven months pregnant and I have no desire to cram my feet into actual shoes if I don’t have to.
“After you,” I say sarcastically under my breath because unlike her, I’m not here to start a fight.
“It’s sweltering out there,” she gripes to me when we’re inside the restaurant in the air conditioning.
“It’s actually not,” I argue. She shoots me a glare because she doesn’t appreciate when people don’t agree with her. “What? It’s a gorgeous day and I’m not going to sit here and listen to you bitch and moan about it.”
“What’s gotten into you?”
Nik is the first thing that comes to my head, but I don’t say that. I simply shrug. If I told her that Nik was changing me, she’d only bring up all the past relationships that I’ve changed my personality for. But this time it’s different. Nik is different. I don’t know if we’re technically in a relationship or not, but I don’t want to be with anyone else and the way he acts, I don’t think he does, either.
And the ways he’s changing me are for the better. It’s not about conforming to who he wants me to be. He’s challenging me to stand up for myself, to learn what I like best about me and what I want out of life. He makes sure that when I agree to anything — be it what show to watch, what to have for dinner, what radio station to listen to, or anything else — that I’m agreeing because that’s what I want, not what I think he wants to hear.
It’s been both challenging and refreshing.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past six months I’ve been spending with Nik. For instance, I really, really, hate spin classes. I used to bust my ass on a stationary bike, sweating my ass off and almost falling down after getting off that tiny little seat while I was with Zachary because he encouraged me to try it. So I kept going because he said he was proud of me.