But what he does with the food that he grows is what really gets me.
He keeps some for himself, but what he can’t eat, he donates to the local food bank. It’s one of the reasons he keeps such a big garden and it’s a way to keep his parents’ legacy alive. From what he’s told me, they had incredible green thumbs and they loved spending time doing yard work and, of course, gardening. When he was little, his mother started bringing him with her to deliver food through Meals on Wheels and to the food bank. It was part of her weekly routine and he and his sister made a promise to each other that they would continue it for her. Josie delivers the meals to the shut-ins for Meals on Wheels, and he takes care of the food bank.
Everyone is fairly quiet as we eat, soaking in the beautiful day. The sun is shining, there’s very little wind, and the humidity level is mild. But there’s tension filling the air around us and it’s not hard to pinpoint where it’s coming from.
Lucy keeps looking at Grace expectantly and my dad continues to make small talk, asking more questions than he’s interested in knowing the answers to, about Nik’s garden. Where Nik’s parents had green thumbs, my parents have black. They can barely manage to keep their grass green, let alone maintain landscaping and a vegetable garden.
After I’ve had enough of avoiding the elephant in the room, I ask, “So, Grace, where’s Samuel?”
She bites the corner of her mouth and looks across the yard. When she’s ready, she replies simply, “He’s gone.”
“What do you mean, gone?”
“I left him last night.”
My mouth gapes open and I look to my parents who just smile sadly. They don’t want to see either of their daughters hurting, and it’s obvious whatever happened with Samuel has left Grace hurting badly.
“What happened?”
“It hasn’t been good between us for a while.”
“How long?”
Grace finally looks back to me, her eyes wet with tears. “A few years.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“I hoped if I didn’t admit it out loud that I could avoid it, I guess.”
“How’d that work out for you?” Nik asks, a little bit of edge to his voice.
“Not great. I owe you both an apology. Again. This one is bigger, though. I have no excuse for my behavior last night. Or a few months ago. Samuel, he… well, it doesn’t matter what he said because he’s not a factor anymore. And I won’t allow myself to use him as an excuse.” She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye. “Ashley, I am so very sorry for my behavior over the past few months. When I found out you were pregnant, my brain began misfiring or something. I started to doubt myself, and Samuel helped to fertilize and water the seeds, making it that much harder to find my way back again.
“I know what I did was wrong. So very wrong. And I love you. So much,” she says, wiping away tears from her eyes. I begin to get choked up as well and Nik places a hand on my thigh, giving me a gentle squeeze. “You and this baby are such a blessing to our family and, Nik, you are, too. I made snap judgments on you based on my own experiences with men and that was unfair. Not to mention, totally and completely off-base. I know I can speak for our entire family when I say that we are so very grateful that you and Ashley found each other.”
“Thanks, Grace. That means a lot to me,” Nik says. “I appreciate the apology and would like to move on, but you need to know if you ever, and I mean ever, pull a stunt like you did yesterday, there’ll be hell to pay. That’s not a threat. That’s a promise. Take that as you will, but I won’t apologize for it. Ashley and our baby are the most important people in my life. They trump my own family. If I hear you talk to Ashley like that again, or to me, for that matter, you won’t have anything to do with our baby. Do I make myself clear?”
For a second I think Grace is going to argue, but she bites her lip and nods. “I get it. I can’t blame you for that, either.”
“Can you just explain one thing to me?”
“Sure.”
“Why? I know you said you don’t want to blame Samuel, but I’m having a really hard time seeing your side of this. The things you said to me? That I wasn’t fit to be a mother? And the things you said about Nik not wanting me? They hurt. No, they gutted me. Let’s not forget the bitchy attitude you had about what type of work Nik does for a living. You acted like a snotty bitch,” I tell her, not caring if I’m being offensive. She’s the one who said it and I won’t let her get by with it.
“It was unacceptable. I don’t have any excuses.”
“You’re right. There are no excuses. Do you know how you sounded? The things you said? Is that truly how you feel? Because you might say that you didn’t mean it, and I might try to believe you simply because I want to, but those thoughts were in your brain rolling around. That means there’s a part of you that does believe that.”
“I don’t, though. I promise.”
“I don’t believe you. I think somewhere along the way, you began to think you’re better than others. That your career as a lawyer means you can treat others like they’re less than you. But I have news for you, Grace. The fact that you spent over a hundred thousand dollars on education means nothing. You’re not better than anyone on this earth.”
“I know…”
“Do you? I don’t know that you do. You act like because Nik works his ass off for a living and didn’t spend years in college that he’s not worthy of even knowing you. Hell, you said we couldn’t be good parents!”
Grace hiccups through a cry. “I was terrible.”
“You’re right. You were. It was bad enough to hear it from you, Grace, but, Lucy,” I turn to my other sister, “you sat there and said nothing. You never stood up for me or told her to shut up. I was ambushed. Don’t you think I’m scared enough about becoming a mother without my family treating me like I’m incompetent?”
Lucy sniffles and nods. “I know. It was awful of me.”
Our parents have been completely silent through the conversation which makes me think that they’ve already said their piece to Lucy and Grace. I know Nik said something to Grace at the hospital and my parents were there, so I’m sure they talked things over already.
“To answer your question about why. I’m not blaming Samuel, but about a year ago, he told me that I wasn’t worth much to him if I couldn’t get pregnant. Of course, that’s just the CliffNotes version of what he said. And then I found out about the affair. I had suspected, but having it confirmed really shook me up.”
“Tell her the rest,” my mom says gently.
“He got her pregnant. I found out last week. He said he was going to leave me if I couldn’t give him the same.”
“What? I’m so confused. He never seemed to mind the fact that you didn’t have kids. Weren’t you actually not planning to have children?”
“Yeah, we were, but he changed his mind. Which is, I don’t know what. I mean, none of it is okay and my guess is he just wasn’t happy with me anymore. But the kicker, that I luckily figured out, is that it all came down to money and ultimatums. His ultimatum, if that’s even the right word for it, was give him a baby or he was going to leave me for this woman who was already pregnant with his baby.”