“I feel concern, anxiety, worry, but objective fear? Never.”
I attempted to lighten the mood so that I could see her smile again. “I can try to scare you sometime.”
I just wanted an excuse to sneak up on her.
Arabella’s eyes danced with laughter. “I would love that. Razar tried that again and again growing up, but I know he won’t hurt me. I don’t think you will either.”
That same sadness suddenly filled her gaze as she continued. “Sorry, Amun. I’m probably not the best company right now, between the worrying over them and the Cy thing. Whatever that was.”
“He has never kissed you before?”
“No,” she whispered, her eyes darting down to her intertwined fingers in her lap. “I don’t know what to make of it. I know he feels guilty for my reaction to his magic, but they are nightmares! What did they expect? Plus, it has never bothered me before, so why would it now? Still, I feel like he is more distant after all of that, even with the kiss thing.”
“You think your reaction to their magic bothers them?”
I could guarantee that was far from the case.
Her eyes darted between mine before her voice turned almost clinical, as if explaining an observation she made. “I know they are attracted to me… well, at least some of them. I don’t know how they feel emotionally, but physically, the connection exists. I can tell they are holding back, and I just don’t understand why. I mean, it can only be the obvious, that they know how I feel is more than physical, and they don’t feel the same, and therefore don’t want to complicate the team dynamic.”
That was what she thought was happening here?
I inhaled sharply, wishing I could tell her just how off base she was, despite not wanting to give them an in or opportunity at all.
“Nightmares work a bit differently than that,” I explained. “It’s not a separation like it is with humans… physical and emotional connections, it’s all the same for us.”
Nightmares didn’t have relationships normally. They didn’t date. They fucked and mated, and their mate was everything to them. It was far simpler than humans, who made an absolute mess out of their mating process.
Maybe that’s why it was a bit more difficult for her to recognize the truth that was right in front of her. That the only thing holding them back was the safety threat they posed—hell, even I posed—as a potential mate.
“So why?” she demanded, clearly wanting an answer.
I examined her gaze and ran a hand over her thigh, loving how my large hand seemed to wrap around it easily. There was something far too appealing about knowing I could exert dominance over my precious human so easily if I wanted to, but still not giving into the urge. “Have you ever considered what mating with a nightmare would be like, precious?”
Her eyes widened as she barely whispered, “Yes, you could say that.”
I chuckled at her reaction and continued. “It’s not the same as how humans fuck. Everything is… more intense, rough, and dangerous. Especially to you.”
A shudder went through her as her desire saturated the air, making me swallow hard as I tried to not think about what was running through her head.
“So?” Her voice was a whisper.
“I would assume that they are concerned over the same thing most nightmares would be regarding a human lover.”
“Which is?” I could see a slight, knowing light slide into her gaze.
“Breaking them. Killing them.”
Her eyes went wide, and instead of fear, I felt something far more surprising tint the air. Anger. I don’t think my words surprised her, but rather confirmed something that made her upset.
She leaned forward, her voice soft. “Are you telling me they are holding back because they are worried about fucking me too hard, Amun?”
I loved this woman. It was official. No rhyme or reason. I was really hoping I could find a way to keep her in my life, because holy fuck, this blunt nature mixed with slight innocence, intelligence, and a natural sexiness was everything. I was so fucked.
“Essentially,” I confirmed and added, “It is far more likely than not.”
“But that is my decision.” She reared back and looked towards the window, seeming livid. “That is my fucking decision. I know the danger I put myself in, but if I want to do that, then I should be able to. It would be different if they didn’t want me, but not pursuing something under some misguided attempt to keep me unharmed? Fucking bullshit.”
“Not misguided, it very much happens,” I hedged, not knowing why I was trying to excuse their situation. I should have taken the opportunity instead. This was some absolute bullshit.
She examined my expression, and a growl broke from my throat as she practically flung her curvy little frame at me. Her lips pressed firmly to mine, surprising the living hell out of me. Instantly, my magic wrapped around Arabella like tightly wound bandages, my hands gripping her soft waist hard enough that she moaned against my mouth. I tried to slow the kiss down, but the minute her tongue traced my lips, I had her on the floor underneath me.
Fuck.
Her kiss was damn near intoxicating, and I could feel my magic pulling on her life force possessively, wanting every single ounce of it.
I didn’t even need more than this, her taste and small moans against my mouth enough to do me in almost completely. Fuck, she was so perfect. When her hand rubbed over my chest, I pulled back, nipping at her bottom lip slightly as I met her gaze.
Shit. This was why.
Arabella’s face was pale and eyes black, clearly having been affected by my magic, as she offered me a slightly dazed look. She seemed out of breath, and as my eyes darted down to her pulse, I cursed, noticing that it was extremely irregular.
I pulled myself off of her, kneeling above her while running a hand through my hair in frustration. I felt stronger, and I fucking hated that. I hated that I’d fed off her energy without meaning to and that I wanted to do it again. Especially with her laying underneath me like that.
“Amun,” she whispered, sitting up while placing a hand on my chest. “I feel totally fine.”
I wish I could have believed that.
“I could kill you,” I admitted and looked at her with a grimace. “The others may be worried, but I have seen it. I have caused it. True, I was younger with less control, but Arabella, I am not going to risk your life… as fucking perfect as that was.” The last part was tinged with almost desperation and regret. I stood, not knowing what the hell to do with myself.
“You don’t know it would do that.” She stood, wavering slightly and making me worry even more.
“Your pulse is slowed and you look as white as parchment,” I explained softly as I reached out to steady her. She deflated, sitting on the bed, a bit of desperation and true grieving entering her expression. As I knelt in front of her and cupped her jaw, she met my gaze, tears crowding her lashes.
“So that’s it then? I can never be with—”
“Any of them,” I finished for her, not wanting her to feel like she had to include me. I wanted a place in Arabella’s life, but I think it was becoming very clear that wasn’t a possibility.
Tears dripped down her face as she leaned into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held her for long enough that when a knock came to the door, I was jolted from my thoughts.