I wasn’t positive about what I’d expected when she pulled away, but the resolve there had me feeling a bit of surprise and curiosity. There was determination as well, and that gave me far too much hope. I had no idea what I thought could come from this except either heartbreak or killing the first woman I’d ever felt this way towards.
It was possible I had just majorly fucked up, and I had no idea how to fix it.
9
Arabella
I usually camped out in my father’s office during missions, but since he seemed deeply invested in whatever he was working on, I’d set up in the conference room. Half because Amun was so large and the three of us wouldn’t have fit in that office all together, but also because this room reminded me of my nightmares.
My nightmares. I’d always thought of them as such, but were they?
I honestly think I was a bit more angry than sad. No, I felt pretty dejected as well. Hopeless? I had no idea how to feel. Especially since from what I had gathered from Amun… the most likely scenario wasn’t that they didn’t want me, it was that they were worried they would hurt me in the process of expressing how much they wanted me. A decision and risk that a twenty-four year old woman was perfectly capable of making for herself, for the record.
Yeah, this was going to require a conversation for sure.
Although, would a conversation actually change anything? I mean, all I could say was ‘Hey, I’m not worried about you killing me, so if you wanted to, you know… get down and dirty, I’m game.’ I nearly face-palmed at that thought. What was wrong with me? Seriously, down and dirty? Maybe, just maybe, this was why I couldn’t get laid. Just a fucking thought there.
It was just frustrating, because of course they had an affect on me, but the very center of my chest, my instinct, was telling me that they wouldn’t hurt me. Even Amun. That being with them was the right thing.
I really didn’t think this was just my body doing the thinking for my brain, either. Although, I had to admit, there was a lot of pent-up sexual tension there, so I could hardly blame myself.
A shiver ran up my spine as I considered the kiss Amun and I had shared, leaving me light-headed and dizzy. Honestly, it had been absolutely amazing, and the only time I started to feel sick at all was when he’d pulled away. It was as if I was already addicted to his touch. As if he had stopped something that was supposed to be natural. A frustrated sound broke from my throat as my skin pulsed, wanting his touch once again.
“You haven’t finished your dinner,” Amun observed as he walked in the room. My eyes darted up to him, and I tried to hide my blush behind taking a sip of my tea in my familiar unicorn mug. I felt like I’d been caught thinking about him… because I literally had been.
My eyes ran over his handsome self, who had clearly not only showered but changed while stopping by the dorms. His once muscular, uncovered chest was now clothed in a dark ISS training shirt and athletic pants that made him look a bit more modern. Although I had to admit, I missed his bare chest and my hands running over it…
I tried to refocus, looking at the large serving of pasta that my father had ordered from the kitchen for me. It was barely half eaten.
When the kitchen delivered the food to my room, I had convinced Amun to bring our food back down here, knowing that it wouldn’t do any good to spend time alone together in my bedroom. I was feeling a bit rejected by even him at this point, so this was a better option.
Plus, I didn’t know what I even wanted to do about the situation… Did I keep my resolve? Did I force a conversation to make it clear that I was very much okay with taking a risk? How did I confirm that Amun was even correct?
Crap. This… this was going to be difficult.
So, as I said, I wasn’t going to focus on it too much right now. I had other things to turn my attention to now that we were both down here, waiting the next few minutes for the team to land so that we could start the mission officially.
I considered his words and eating more of my pasta, but the closer my guys got to danger, the less hungry I became. At least I’d changed into comfortable clothes, somewhat a small pleasure, before Amun had gone to the dorms to shower. I drew my legs comfortably up against my chest as he sat down near me, my fingers brushing over my silk pajama pants that were decorated in light pink and black pinstripe that I paired with pink fuzzy slippers and an oversized black sweater. It wasn’t professional by any means, but was it comfortable? Yes. Absolutely. Plus, Amun kept running his fingers along the soft cashmere sweater sleeve, like now, as he watched my expression with interest. I think he was interested in the two different textures, and I couldn’t lie, I liked his hands on me.
“My appetite is a bit weird right now,” I murmured and then met his gaze. “What about you?”
His eyes moved to the untouched package my father had ordered for him. “I haven’t eaten human food in a very long time. Usually I can go hundreds of years without even feeding off of—” He paused suddenly, offering me a semi-hesitant look as a knowing laugh broke from my lips.
“The death of others? Feeding off humans?” I mused. “You don’t need to hide yourself from me, Amun. I know you aren’t human. I can’t ever fault you for what’s natural to you, just like I’m not offended by Razar’s continuing want to terrify me despite not being able to.”
My thoughts strayed to the nightmare in question, thinking about how he still tried to keep his terror form hidden from me in the shadows. Did he really ever think I would find him unattractive? I suppose that was just another space between us. My fingers twitched, trying to avoid the urge to hop onto the radio and demand an answer to whether Amun was correct or not on why they were holding back.
Patience, Arabella. Everything required it, and I was so fucking over it.
“They are landing,” my father called out. I picked up my small headset and slid it into my ear, then pulled up the program on my tablet that would connect me to the team. While only one of them would actually communicate back with me for ease of understanding, they would all be able to hear me.
I offered an extra headset to Amun, but he took it and stared at it, seemingly confused before putting it up to his ear like I had. The ‘beep’ to signal a call coming in made me smile as I signed into the call. My father’s voice echoed through the line, Amun seeming to freeze in surprise as we listened to him talk to one of the pilots before transferring us over to the rest of the team. Amun seemed to have a fairly impressive grasp on everything, but I could tell some stuff still surprised him.
“Hey guys, how was the flight?” I asked curiously, my voice light and hopefully not portraying my concern… or sadness… or frustration.
Later. We would handle all of that later.
“Long.” Razar’s low rumble had me smiling slightly. He sounded annoyed, and I knew that it had no doubt been a long four hours. The guys got along well, but they still got into arguments, and—let’s be honest—they all had very strong personalities.
“He’s in a fucking mood,” Zain quipped as his voice popped up on the radio. It surprised me a bit, but I was thrilled to hear from him.
“It has been a long day,” I offered quietly.