“That’s not what would’ve happened,” Miller said, his voice low.
“No? Until three days ago, I was in for ten fucking years—”
“And I’d have stuck with you, no matter how long it took,” Miller raged back. “You don’t fucking get it, man. You and Holden, you’re my brothers. You don’t get to take a time-out from my life. I need you in it. I fucking need you…”
I hated how his words were seeping in through the cracks of the walls I’d built in prison. You don’t survive one minute on the inside unless you pack yourself in cold, unfeeling armor that is miles thick. Ten minutes free, and Miller was already tearing it all down.
“And Christ, Shiloh…” Miller shook his head, and something in his expression scared the shit out of me.
“What’s wrong? Is she okay?”
“She’s okay, but I’m not saying another fucking word,” Miller said. “You want to know how she is, then you go see her. You have to see her. I’m not fucking around.”
“She’s not going to want that.”
“As if you would know?” Miller scoffed, then his voice softened slightly. “Come on. Get in the damn car. My security is going to think we’re having a lovers’ spat.”
“You sound like Holden.”
“Someone should.”
“You haven’t heard from him at all?”
“Nope. But he wrote a book. His first book, so naturally it hits number one on every list and wins every award under the sun.”
“Good,” I said. Not for the awards but because it meant he was still alive, somewhere out there. He hadn’t disappeared completely.
At the SUV door, Miller stopped. “You good? I mean…San Quentin can’t be a fucking cake walk.”
“Not like selling out arena tours.”
He snorted. “They got TMZ in prison?”
“You’re a big fucking deal, Stratton.” I smiled a little. “No one doubted that but you.”
Miller met my gaze for a moment and then put his arms around me, clasping me tight. It was the first time in three years I’d had physical contact with anyone that didn’t have violence lurking beneath it.
“We gotta get going,” Miller said, pulling back. “I’m under strict orders to deliver the package straight to Shiloh.”
“Whose orders?” I asked as we climbed into the leather interior of Miller’s car that reeked of money and was configured like a limo with seats facing each other. “How did you know I was getting out today?”
“Selling out arena tours has its privileges,” Miller said, taking a seat across from me. “And that’s all I’m saying. Whatever you need to know about Shiloh, you have to hear it from her.”
He handed me a beer from the car’s mini fridge and popped one himself. He clinked his bottle to mine. “Happy Birthday.”
“It’s not my birthday.”
“You turned twenty-one in there,” he said as the car rolled smoothly out of the parking lot. “You’re legal now.”
I’d had three birthdays in prison, but it could’ve been ten. I was twenty-two years old and free, instead of almost thirty. The first cold swallow of beer hit my tongue. I nearly groaned.
Miller smiled. “Good?”
Good didn’t begin to describe it. I was free, sitting with my best friend, drinking a beer.
“Doesn’t feel real.”
“I can’t imagine it.”
“You look good,” I said. “Healthy.”
“Took a while to get there,” he said and told me all about his life, post-graduation.
“You’re moving back to Santa Cruz?” I asked when he’d finished.
He nodded. “Until Violet finishes her undergrad. Then I’ll go wherever she wants to go for medical school. San Francisco, probably. She doesn’t want to leave the Bay Area, and I’m not leaving her, so…”
He shrugged like it was the easiest thing in the world. I toyed with the label on my beer bottle.
“Hey,” he said. “It’s going to be okay.”
I shook my head. “I did what I thought was best for her. And you.”
“I know, but you screwed up, Wentz. What’s best for us is you.”
The two-hour drive from San Quentin to Santa Cruz was both the longest and shortest of my life. Miller wasn’t fucking around—he drove straight to Rare Earth Jewelry and parked out front. Through the tinted glass, I could barely make out Shiloh at the rear of the store. My stomach clenched until I thought I’d puke up the two beers I’d drunk.
“Does she know?”
“She knows you’re getting out. That’s it.”
I heaved a breath and we clasped hands.
“See you later?” I asked.
“If there’s anything left after Shiloh gets done with you.” Miller chuckled, and then it mellowed into a strange smile. He jerked his chin at the shop. “Go on. It’s been long enough.”
I climbed out, but the SUV stayed, likely to make sure I didn’t take off. Miller didn’t have to worry. Now that I was less than twenty feet from Shiloh, I had to see her. Even if she raged at me. Or worse—if she didn’t care one way or another. If I could just breathe the same damn air as her for a minute…
I stepped inside the shop.
It smelled of incense, or maybe a scented candle was lit somewhere. Everything was what it’d been before Frankie had trashed it—classy and beautiful like its owner. A soft chime announced my arrival.
“Be right with you,” Shiloh called, bent over her work, and Christ, her voice… Rich and smooth and going straight to my head like a hit of something potent.
She slid off her stool and started toward me. “How can I…?” Her words choked off in a little gasp. She gripped the side of a worktable, knuckles pale, her mouth falling open.
My girl…
Fucking beautiful—more beautiful than I remembered, though I didn’t know how that was possible. A white sleeveless dress with yellow flowers draped her body, highlighting the glow of her skin, and curves that were rounder than they’d been three years ago. Half of her braids were piled on her head, the other half fell down around her shoulders, drawing my eye to the perfection of her neck, her jaw, her lips…
“Ronan…” She swallowed, and she was staring too, her eyes soaking me in as if she couldn’t believe I was real. “I thought…you had another week.”
I fought every urge to stay on the opposite side of the shop instead of rushing at her, grabbing her, taking her…
She’s not yours to take.
“Don’t know how it works,” I said, my throat dry. “Perry made it happen fast, I guess.”
She nodded faintly, moving slowly to me, then stopping. “Lock the door and turn the sign. If a customer walks in right now, I’ll lose my mind.”
I did as she said and faced her. “Shiloh…”
“Don’t say a word.” She shook her head and held up a hand, trembling. “When it was official that you were getting out, I had a million things planned to say to you, and now I can’t remember any of it. You’re here and I can’t…”