“Come on, let’s go outside.” Ranger wraps his arm around my waist, leading me toward the door. The night is warm, but the light breeze is just enough to keep it from being too hot.
He leads me toward the vineyard. “Are you okay?”
I turn to look up at him. The night he broke my heart flashes through my mind.
I park down the street from Ashley Morris’ house. She’s having a party tonight, and Ranger is already here. The plan is to meet up after I get done with the mandatory dinner with my parents to talk about my future.
Per usual, they tried to tell me to break up with Ranger because he was going to hold me back. Did I really want to be the little wifey sitting at home while he served in the Navy, traveling all over the world?
I rub a hand down my stomach as nerves assail me, but I suck in a deep breath and keep moving. Once I reach the house, I find a lot of our friends outside. I pass out hugs and then head inside. Ashley sees me as I enter the kitchen and freezes.
“Hey, Ash, have you seen Ranger? I saw his truck out there.”
She swallows and looks at the others standing in the kitchen. “Um … he disappeared down the hall with Mimi.”
My stomach turns for a whole other reason. I push past everyone in my way as they do nothing but stare at me. The closer I get to the closed door, the more my stomach turns. He wouldn’t … he couldn’t betray me like this.
Maybe she was just sick, and he was taking care of her. I stop in front of the door, take a deep breath, and reach for the doorknob. I bite my lip to keep from crying because the thought that he’s doing something with another girl kills me.
I just need to do it, like ripping off a band-aid. I grab the doorknob, turn it, and push the door open. A pained cry leaves my lips. Although they’re both fully clothed, Mimi is straddling Ranger, and his arms are wrapped around her, and they’re kissing.
They freeze and turn toward me. Ranger’s face is blank, and Mimi gives me a catty smile before kissing him again.
I run through the house and out the front door, ignoring my name being called. After I make it to my car, I climb in and take off. I’m thankful I make it home safely because I am on autopilot. No one is home, so I run-up to my room and lock myself inside.
The moment I close the door, I allow the tears to finally fall. Is it possible to die from heartbreak? I feel like I am. I walk into my bathroom, grab the garbage can, pull the sticks wrapped in toilet paper out of the bottom, and unwrap one, looking at the plus sign.
Our love made a baby, and I was looking forward to telling him the news because I thought he wanted a family with me, but apparently not. I look at myself in the mirror, rubbing my hands over my still flat stomach. “It’s just going to be you and me.”
Again, I bury the sticks in the bottom of the trash can. Then I make my way into my room and crawl into bed. I cry and cry until there feels like there are no more tears left.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only time I cried that summer.
“Lainey?” I blink and then look up at Ranger, whose face is laced with concern. “Are you okay?” He reaches out to touch me, but I swat his hand away.
“Don’t!” I place my hands on his chest and shove hard, but of course, he doesn’t budge. In a sprint, I take off through the vineyard.
I stop to catch my breath when I make it to the end. My heart beats rapidly in my chest, and my eyes burn with the tears I refuse to let fall. I hear pounding footsteps behind me. Sure enough, when I turn around, Ranger is walking toward me.
“What’s going on?” he asks softly. “Please talk to me.”
This is it, my chance to purge all this pain from my heart. Maybe then I can move on; that’s all I want, isn’t it? “You broke me. I literally felt my heart break into two pieces that night.” I shove at his chest. “How could you?” I screech. “Why?” My voice sounds foreign even to my own ears.
“Lainey, baby, let me explain. I know…”
I hold up my hand, cutting him off. “Don’t call me that.” Turning away from him, I rip my fingers through my hair. Just say it, I whisper silently to myself. “I swore I didn’t want to see you, but I waited and waited for you to show up to tell me why. Out of all the people you could’ve touched, you chose the one person I hated the most.” I march right up to him and slap him across the face, and the sound echoes through the vineyard.
Ranger says nothing. He takes whatever I dish out. “Twice, I drove by your house and then hers, wondering and worrying myself sick, thinking about you touching her. Those lips were supposed to be only mine.” We made a promise to each other that no one else would ever touch our lips, except, of course, our kids. “You broke your promise.”
The first tear falls, and I don’t bother wiping it away. “Y-you l-left m-m-me.” I slap him again and tip my head back, screaming. I’ve held onto this hurt and pain for so long. I kept it buried deep, and now, like a flood, it’s pouring out of me. “I hate you so much, but I still fucking love you.”
I ignore the tears running down his cheeks. Shoving him again, or trying to, he doesn’t budge. “Why? Why did you kiss her? “Did you have s-s-sex with her?”
Ranger shakes his head. “No, god, no. I don’t even know where to start. I t-thought I was doing you a favor. I was going to be leaving you for a long time, between boot camp and the naval academy. My recruiter told me how hard it was going to be and that we wouldn’t see each other.” He scrubs his hands over his face. “He said how hard it was for young couples to make it. Especially at the beginning. He told me horror stories about couples dealing with being apart so much.”
“I would’ve followed you to Timbuktu if that’s where they sent you. I would’ve dealt with the distance. Did you have that little faith in me?”
He takes a deep breath and grabs me by my shoulders. “A week before the party, I went to talk to your dad. I wanted his blessing to marry you before boot camp. I wanted to make sure that you would be able to come with me wherever I went. He laughed in my face and told me that if you married me, he wouldn’t give his blessing, and he’d cut you off financially. Your dad said if I broke things off, he’d make sure that you’d get a good college education and you had financial security.”
“Since when did you ever care what he wanted,” I shout.
“I know I fucked everything up, dammit. I thought I was doing right by you, giving you the chance to go away to college. Have fun, be a typical eighteen-year-old—not a Navy wife who would be alone more than we’d be together.” A single tear slides down his cheek. “I was giving you an out, letting you live the life you deserved.”
“I deserved the life I wanted to live with you, with our baby, but I lost you, and then I lost it.” My voice is raw and broken as I give him the secret I’ve kept the past ten years. “I-I lost our baby, and then I had nothing.”
What happens next breaks my heart all over again. Ranger, big, strong Ranger, drops to his knees in front of me and lets out gut-wrenching sobs that trigger my own. I get down in front of him, wrapping him in my embrace. I’ve had ten years to deal with the loss.
He wraps his arms around me in a bone-crushing hug, but I don’t care. Ranger needs this. I need this. Over his shoulder, I see my brother. I wave him away and focus on the man sobbing in my arms.