One
Winter
“There’s a naked man outside the hut next door,” I say, talking on the phone with my best friend, Lana.
“Is that why we’re whispering?” she asks.
“Yes.”
“And why is he naked? Are you in a naturist resort?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Okay, but when you say ‘naked man,’ are we talking elderly pal who forgot to put on his pants, or—”
“No,” I interrupt her. “We’re talking six-foot-five of prime beefcake, white butt cheeks gloriously resplendent in the morning sun.”
“Uh-uh, attagirl. So, what’s the stud doing in the nude? Besides providing a nice view, I mean.”
I raise my gaze upward of the tush region, which so far has monopolized my attention, and take in the whole scene. “He’s shouting profanities at a monkey perched on the roof of his hut.”
“Why?”
I squint my eyes against the sun’s glare to spy better. “The little bugger has stolen his phone. Bah, the dude should’ve known better.”
“Hey, I don’t think he volunteered the phone.”
“No, but the resort is on the coast right at the edge of the jungle, and there’s warning signs everywhere recommending to keep doors shut at all times and to beware of the monkeys. He must’ve forgotten to lock the door, and the little thief ran in while he was showering. Why else would he run outside naked—Oh, crap!”
The man turns, and, for fear of being spotted, I squat behind my hut’s bamboo railing, dropping my phone.
“Sorry,” I say in the AirPods mic while retrieving the phone.
“What happened?” Lana asks.
“Dude went back inside, I had to dive for cover.”
“Oh, gosh. Did you get a full frontal?”
“No, I was too quick dropping to my knees.”
“But why are you still hiding if Mr. White Cheeks is gone?”
“I don’t know. He may come back.”
“FaceTime me,” Lana says.
“Why?”
“If you lift your phone’s camera above the railing, I can tell you what’s happening.”
“You’re a perv,” I joke. “Isn’t seeing the Sexiest Man Alive naked any time you want enough for you?” My best friend is in a relationship with Hollywood’s number one heartthrob—totally by accident. Fate brought them together when she needed him the most, and while I don’t envy the circumstances of their epic meet-cute, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t the teensiest bit jealous.
“Hey,” Lana protests. “My interest is purely anthropological.”
Out of curiosity, I do as she says, turning on the camera. Lana’s face appears on the screen. I wave, smile, then flip the phone around and raise it an inch above the railing.
“What do you see?” I ask.
“Oh, shoot!”
“What?”
“He’s back, but with a towel around his waist. Anyway, the bare-chest guise still has appeal.” Lana sighs. “Even from a distance, I can tell he’s eye candy.”
“And what’s the eye candy doing?”
“Talking to the monkey, I think, but he’s too far so I can’t be sure.”
The naked stranger’s stilt villa and mine share a patch of grass enclosed within a square lined with hedges for privacy and are about thirty yards apart.
“Why don’t you come out and see for yourself,” Lana suggests. “He’s no longer naked.”
I get up from my squatting position but stay half-hidden behind the vertical cane screen shielding the left edge of the patio. Spying between the cracks in the wood, I can make out what happens on the other side.
“You’re right,” I tell Lana. “He’s negotiating with the monkey.”
“How does one bargain with a monkey?”
“The dude is offering a banana in exchange for his phone.”
Lana chuckles. “Is the monkey taking it?”
To better peer between the gaps, I bring my face so close to the divider my nose touches the wood. “Looks like she’s considering… she’s extending her free hand toward the banana… and, yep, she’s taken the banana and, oh, no! She’s dropped the phone.” I watch as the discarded piece of technology crashes to the floor, my neighbor not quick enough to catch it. “Ouch, you wouldn’t believe the stream of filth that’s exiting the dude’s mouth. He’s bending down to pick up the phone, the screen must’ve broken… and, oh gosh, there goes the towel… I have eyes on white butt cheeks again.” I push my phone slightly out to the side so Lana can see.
“Yeah, those are some impressive buns.”
We both keep an eye on the man as he takes a few quick steps to his door and, still cursing like a sailor, slams it shut.
“Aww.” I sigh, turning off the video. “Show’s over.”
After one last peek at the monkey now enjoying her banana on the roof, I head back inside my bungalow, saying, “What’s up with you?”
It’s weird for Lana to call me while I’m on a work assignment out of the country.
“You have time to talk?” she asks, with an edge to her voice.
Something’s definitely up.
“Not really, honey, I have a meeting with the expedition team in”—I check my watch—“twenty minutes.”
“Oh, okay.” She sounds downcast. “Can we talk when you come back?”
I double-check that my door is locked, then open the backpack resting against the wall next to it to get some clothes out and start getting ready. “Did something happen?” I ask, apprehension building in my gut.
“Yeah,” Lana says, confirming my suspicions. “But it’s better if we talk later. You’ll want to hear the whole story.”
I select a pair of shorts and a loose T-shirt and lay them on the mattress. “Now I definitely want spoilers.”
“Trust me, you don’t.”
“Do.”
“Okay, but you’re going to hate that you have to go to a meeting after I tell you…”
I untie the back of my bikini bra and toss it on the straw bench at the foot of the bed. “You’re raising my expectations… What is it?”
“I spoke with Summer today.”
Ka-Boom!
Lana drops the bomb on me.
“You’re right.” I sigh. “Now I don’t want to hang up. But, sweetheart, I really must go. I’m already running late. I’ll call you as soon as I get back, okay?”
“Sure.”
“Just tell me, was it… civil?”
“Mostly, but I still don’t know how to behave around your sister. That’s why I called. I need to pick your brain.”
“Okay, my meeting shouldn’t take long, it’s going to be an introduction to the expedition team and itinerary planning. I should be free in an hour tops.” I make a quick calculation of the time difference between Thailand and California. In the US, it’s still yesterday evening. “Or is it going to be too late in LA?”