As I rub the soap over my skin, I realize this same soap has been all over Miles' body. Over his muscular arms. His hard lean chest. Below his waist. The thought causes a tingle of pleasure in my lower abs, extending down between my legs. I close my eyes and tip my head back into the stream of water, letting myself imagine what it would be like to be with Miles. If that kiss we shared is any indication, then what I'm imagining isn't even close to what it'd be like in real life.
I miss being with a man that way. Rob and I had no issues in that part of our relationship. The sex was explosive and passionate, and I was always left satisfied. But I never felt love when we did it. There was lust and attraction, but never love. We had sex. That was it. We never made love.
Shutting off the shower, I grab the thick white towel and wrap it around me, breathing in the warm steam. It's pure heaven, and makes me want to just stay in here for the rest of the day. If there was a tub in here, I'd do just that. I love taking baths even more than showers.
After I dry off, I put on my jeans and t-shirt, wishing I'd washed them first. I've worn them several times and I don't like putting on dirty clothes now that I'm clean from the shower.
I towel off my hair and look at myself in the mirror. I usually try to avoid mirrors because I don't want to see how I look.
Staring back at myself, I see that my face is thin. Much thinner than it used to be, my eyes sunken in and my cheekbones more visible than I remember. I'm not sure how much weight I've lost since being homeless but it has to be at least 15 pounds, maybe more. My jeans hang on me. I have to use a belt to keep them up. If it were just me trying to feed myself, I wouldn't be this thin. But feeding Gladys before myself means that I often go hungry. There just isn't enough food for the two of us.
Leaving the bathroom, I go back to the living room and set my backpack by the door. I keep feeling like I need to leave. Like I don't belong here. Like I should just go and let Miles have his apartment to himself.
There's a knock on the door and I startle at the sound. Was Miles expecting visitors?
They knock again. I glance up at the bedroom and see Miles is still sleeping. Should I wake him up or just answer the door?
"Miles," I hear a voice say. "You in there?"
I unlock the door and open it just a crack. Two guys are standing there along with a young woman in a suit.
"Hey, is this Miles' place?" the one guy asks. He looks a few years older than me and has really dark hair and thick eyebrows.
"Yes, but he's sleeping," I say.
The dark-haired guy looks at the other guy, who looks just like him only younger.
He looks back at me. "Can you tell him I stopped by? I'm Devin. I work with Miles. I'm helping my brother look at apartments. We just did a tour here and I thought I'd stop by and say hi to Miles."
"Oh. Okay, I'll tell him you were here."
"Should we go back to the office and discuss the rental terms?" the woman asks Devin's brother.
"Yeah, sure." He follows her to the elevator but Devin remains at the door.
"So are you Miles' girlfriend?" he asks.
"No. I'm just here for the night."
He smiles like I meant something else. Seriously? Like I'd really come out and admit I was just here for sex if that was my reason for being here?
"We're just friends," I say. "I'll tell him you came by." I go to close the door but he stops me.
"Hey, could you also tell him we're going to the bar by the firm at seven tonight? It'll be Mark and me and Lucas, my brother, and some of his friends. Oh, and tell him Giselle will be there."
"Giselle?"
"The woman he likes at the office." He grins. "He'll know which one I mean."
"Yeah, I'll tell him. Bye."
"See ya."
I shut the door and lock it, then lean back against it.
So Miles likes a girl at the office. Is it the girl he was telling Gladys about? But he didn't seem that interested in her. Maybe it's a different girl.
All this time I've been thinking he likes me as more than a friend, when he's actually been trying to date someone else. How did I misread him like that? Or maybe he used to be interested in me but now he's not. He only kissed me that one time and hasn't done it since. He's had chances to but hasn't even tried. That should've been my clue he'd moved on to someone else.
I should get out of here. I don't want him staying home tonight because of me. Should I tell him or just leave a note and go?
A noise comes from his room and I look up and see him turning on his side, mumbling in his sleep. I'll just go tell him.
Walking up the short the flight of stairs, I see his eyes open slightly as I reach the bed.
"Raine?"
"Yeah. Sorry to wake you up."
His eyes flicker open and he sits up slightly. "Did you need something?"
"I just wanted to let you know that some guy stopped by. A guy from your office. Kevin? Darren? Something like that. I can't remember his name."
"Devin stopped by?" He sits up more and the covers drop down, exposing his chest. I was trying to ignore the fact that's he's shirtless but now it's all I can focus on. That smooth chest. Those muscles. The images I had of him in the shower flash in my head and I feel a heat rushing through me.
"Devin," I say, taking a step back. "Yeah, that was it. He was with his brother. They were looking at apartments. I think his brother was getting ready to sign a lease."
"Why'd he stop by? Just to say hi?"
"Yeah, and to tell you that he and some other guys are going to a bar by your office tonight at seven. He said Giselle would be there."
I've never met Giselle but in my head, I'm picturing a tall blonde with long legs and long flowing hair, wearing a suit and high heels.
"Anyway," I say, turning toward the stairs, "I'll see you later. I'm going to go hang out at the coffee shop."
"Raine, wait!" I hear the sheets ruffling, like he's getting up.
"What?"
I turn back and see Miles sitting on the edge of the bed. My eyes go to his bare chest, then drop lower. He's wearing black basketball shorts. When did he change clothes? When I was in the shower?
"Why are you leaving?"
I shrug. "I don't really have anything to do here."
"You don't have anything to do at the coffee shop. At least here you can watch TV. Or why don't we go somewhere? You want to go to a movie?"
"No. I'm kind of tired. I think I'll just go home and sleep."
"You can sleep here."
"I tried, but I couldn't get comfortable on your couch."
It's a lie. His couch is fine. I just need an excuse to get out of here.
"Then sleep here. Just let me get dressed and the bedroom's yours." He gets up.
"Miles, no. You're exhausted and you've slept for less than an hour. Go back to sleep. I shouldn't have woke you up. I'm just gonna head out."
As I'm leaving, I hear him say, "I won't sleep unless you do."
I turn back. "I will. I'll sleep when I get back to the tent."
"And I'll be awake because I won't be able to sleep knowing you're out there freezing in that tent."