She suddenly gets up from the bed and goes to the window, her back to me. Afraid she'll stop talking if I go over there, I stay where I'm at.
"He smiled at me. Asked me questions. Acted interested in me like no guy ever had. Before he left, we made plans to go out. The other waitresses were so jealous, wishing they were me. Nobody had ever wished they were me." She leans against the window sill, gazing out at the city. "I think that's why I fell for him so fast. Because he was something every other girl wanted but he was mine. He wanted me over anyone else. He chose me." She pauses. "That should've been my clue that something wasn't right. Why would a guy like him choose someone like me? He was rich. Successful. Drove an expensive car. Lived in a beautiful house. Why would he want some waitress he picked up in a truck-stop restaurant off the interstate?"
She looks down a moment, then back up, gazing out the window. "I moved in with him soon after we started dating. He told me to quit my job. That I didn't need money. That he'd take care of me. And he did. For over a year I lived in his house, ate his food, wore the clothes he bought me. I thought he did all that out of love but it was really to control me. To make sure I stayed with him. I still don't know why he wanted that. Why he wanted me and not some other girl. I guess maybe he thought I was the type of girl to keep quiet. He knew about my past. About the drugs and the arrest. He knew I grew up with almost nothing and had parents that didn't want me. I guess he thought a girl like me would do anything to keep the life that he'd given me. Problem is, I'm not that girl."
Raine turns to me. "So there you go. That's the story. It's why I don't trust myself to be with someone like you. Or any guy. I made a huge mistake with Rob. I only saw what I wanted to see. I didn't see the truth. I can't make that mistake again."
I get up and walk over to her. "I'm not him. I would never do whatever it is he did to you."
"That's what you don't get. I never thought Rob was bad until the day I found out the truth about him. Before that, the signs were there but I didn't see them. I was too blinded by what I felt for him. What I wanted to believe."
"It's not the same with me."
Her eyes go to mine. "You chose me, Miles. You saw me in the coffee shop that night and chose me as the girl you wanted to date. You pursued me. You bought me food. Clothes. Put a roof over my head." She looks down. "It's almost scary how similar it is. I feel like I'm doing it all over again."
I grasp her arms to get her to look at me. "Raine, I did those things to help you, not control you. There's no strings attached. I don't expect anything in return. I gave you those things because I care about you. I wanted you to have a tent that wasn't ripped to shreds. And clothes that would keep you warm. I gave you food so you wouldn't have to eat out of the trash. You made it clear you wouldn't date me and yet I still gave you that stuff. That should prove to you I'm not doing all this because I think it'll make you go out with me."
"But you're hoping for that. You said it yourself. You want that and you haven't given up."
"Because it's hard to give up when you feel this strongly for someone." I let go of her but keep my eyes on hers. "I know you say you don't want this, but I also know you have feelings for me. I know you're scared and now I know why—well, kind of. I don't really know the whole story yet but I know you're afraid to trust what you feel. I'm afraid too. I've been lied to and cheated on, and after that, I didn't want to date again. I didn't want to be hurt like that again. But then I met you and I was willing to risk it. That's how I knew you weren't just any girl."
"It's different for me." Raine goes to the stairs and sits down on the top step. "Rob didn't just lie. He created this life, this fantasy life, to draw me in and keep me so that I'd never leave him. He used money and possessions to control me, knowing how much I wanted those things. How much I wanted that life."
"But then it ended," I say, hoping it'll spur her to finish the story.
She looks down at her hand, running her finger over her palm. "Someone showed up at the door. A girl. Maybe 17? She was cute. Short and tiny with blond hair in a braid that hung over her shoulder. I thought maybe she was there to sell me something. Like maybe she was doing a fundraiser for her school." Raine continues to run her finger over the center of her palm. "But then she shoved money at me and told me to hurry up. I had no idea why she gave me money or what she was talking about. When I asked her, she tried to shove the door open and started yelling for Rob. I held the door and wouldn't let her in. She kept yelling for Rob and I got this sick feeling in my stomach, thinking he'd cheated on me with this girl."
Raine stops suddenly, gazing down the stairs at the living room below.
"Did he?" I ask, but then wish I'd kept quiet. I'm trying not to push her to talk but I want her to finish. I need the end of the story. "Was he cheating?"
"No. Or at least that's what he told me when he tried to explain. But it was too late. I wasn't taking him back. Not after I found out what he'd been doing. How he made all that money."
She wipes her eyes and I rush up beside her, kneeling down and putting my arm around her. "It's okay. You can tell me."
She nods and moves over as I sit beside her on the step.
"The girl wouldn't leave. I told her Rob wasn't home but she wouldn't leave. She said she needed the pills. That she was desperate and couldn't wait."
"Pills?" I ask. "What kind of pills?"
"Pain pills." Raine sighs. "The same kind I was addicted to. Turns out Rob was a dealer. He was selling prescription pain meds to anyone and everyone who would give him money, even someone as young as this girl." Raine wipes her eyes again. "I was almost the same age as her when I started. I was supposed to get a job and go to community college. I had plans for my life. But it all ended when a guy offered me a pill."
"What guy?"
"A guy I met at the mall. I was walking around and he saw me and said he noticed I wasn't walking right. I told him about the car accident. How it hurt my back. He offered me a pill. It made the pain go away so I asked for another. And another after that. I couldn't stop. As long as I paid him, Jacob gave me as many as I wanted. He's the friend I told you about. The one who got me hooked."
"He wasn't a friend."
"No, but at the time I thought he was. It was another stupid mistake. I trusted him like I trusted Rob. I kept trusting the wrong people. But going back to this girl, the one who showed up at the door, I told her I'd tell Rob she stopped by but she wouldn't go. She started getting really mad and that's when I recognized the signs. The need. The desperation. Not letting anyone stand between you and the drugs. She took a knife out and slit my hand." Raine holds up her palm, showing me the scar. "Then she shoved the door open and ran up the stairs. I followed her and found her in the spare bedroom. She opened the closet where Rob kept his suits and other work clothes. He dressed there in the mornings so he wouldn't wake me up. The girl took one of his suit jackets from the hanger and started searching the pockets. She pulled out a plastic bag. It was full of pills. The same kind I'd taken. The kind that ruined my life." Raine drops her head, shaking it side to side. "It was then I realized I'd been dating a man who was purposely leading others down the path I'd been on. The path that took away the plans I had for my life and almost landed me in prison."