“I don’t want to.”
“No, you’ve been avoiding any sort of feeling. I can tell. Now get out and feel again.”
I pull my hand back. “I like not feeling, it’s easier.”
“No, it’s not. Now. Get. Out.” Kat pulls me again until I’m out of the car, then she doesn’t let go as we start walking. It’s not long before the headstone registers in my brain, and I know whose it is straight away.
My grandparents.
I collapse to the ground, and tears start almost straight away. I haven’t cried in so long because holding it in feels safer. Kat leaves me there until I can manage to calm my breathing, then she pulls me back up to her. We go to the wall of names. Tanika was cremated, so her plaque is on a wall with a few others, but I spot her name straight away, my fingers roaming over it as the tears blur my vision.
“You did nothing wrong. Tan had demons she thought she couldn’t live with. She loved you, Rochelle.”
I nod. I know Tanika loved me. I loved her too. No, love. Still do.
“I need to do something before I talk myself out of it,” I say, standing and wiping my face.
“I’ll take you to your car.”
My hand grips the glass tightly, my breathing picks up as I watch Marcus Stone in action. I can see his skin glistening under the cold night as each stroke grows more powerful, one after the next. My eyes are glued to his body as he comes up for air. His strong jawline opening then closing with each powerful breath.
How can watching someone swim turn you on?
I’m not sure, but it can. Somehow it turns me on.
Bringing the glass to my lips, I take one more drink, finishing the contents and feeling the burn as it goes down. I need the liquid courage. I need it to face him.
Marcus turns, his strokes finally stop when he looks at me. The light from the kitchen is not helping to obscure me while I sit in the dark, stalking.
My breathing stops as his two powerful eyes lock on mine, his strong hand lifts and strokes his fingers through his hair. I’m helpless and can’t help but watch as the muscles in his arm flex during the simple action. His hazel eyes narrow in on me.
“Rochelle…” Marcus says my name as easily as the water drips from his body.
It makes me even madder.
The drink in my hand feels like it could smash any second with the pressure I’m applying to the glass. He pushes himself out of the water, his body glistening as he comes to a stand not too far away from me. Reaching for a towel, he wipes his body. His hazel eyes, now darkening, lock on me when I don’t answer him.
“I’m leaving you,” I say with a smile when my breath doesn’t hitch at those words.
“This is what you want?” Marcus asks.
No fight.
No argument.
Nothing.
“Yes. I’m leaving you,” I say it more to myself this time. Perhaps to help me believe it.
He chuckles.
The asshole chuckles.
“Off you go, then.”
With as much strength as I can muster, I throw my glass at him, just missing his head when he ducks out of the way. When he stands taller, I know that was a mistake. But I honestly don’t care. I can’t care anymore.
Pushing myself up from the lounger where I was reclining while working up the courage to tell him I am leaving, I step forward and come just under his chin.
Marcus is tall.
I hate that about him.
I hate a lot about him.
But then again, I also don’t.
“Is that all you’ve got to say?” I arch an eyebrow.
Marcus arches one back. “Yes.” Then he pushes past me, not caring that he almost knocks me over as he heads inside.
I follow. I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself.
“You sleep with her… when I’m not here… in this house,” I yell.
He halts, turns, and smirks. “I do,” Marcus says, the towel now dropping. His swimwear is sitting low on his hips. “And I fuck her hard… all the ways you hate and I love.” His lips turn up, waiting for me to say something in return.
“I hate you,” I spit at him.
“I know you do.”
“I hate you sooo much.”
“That’s okay. You can leave now.”
“Is she coming over?” I yell.
Marcus turns, his hand touching the railing that leads up to his room.
I’ve never really lived here—I was simply a visitor. No one important. Just a person in this man’s life. No one can penetrate him. I feel sorry for the person who finally does get through his impervious walls. They will either be very stupid or love him more than anyone else ever has.
“She will be now. I have steam I need to work off.” He takes the steps two at a time and disappears, leaving me standing in the foyer with my hands clenched as I look around for my things. Luckily for me, I never moved out of my house. What a mistake that would have been if I had.
But worse, what a mistake Marcus was.
While rushing around and grabbing my things, I hear a ding. Looking over to the countertop, I see his cell light up. For some reason he doesn’t have it locked, so I slide it open and up pops a girl’s name.
Misha: I want you to spank me so bad, baby.
I gag, then throw his phone at the floor, hard enough that it shatters.
Fuck him and his cheating ass.
Picking up my bags, I walk to the door and step through, pushing it hard behind me so it slams. Again, fuck him and whatever he thinks.
My car is parked out the front where I left it when I arrived to break this nightmare off. I knew I’d have to make a quick getaway.
I need to get away from him.
He’s poison.
Toxic.
A virus that has inserted itself in my system and won’t leave, sucking me dry.
Now is my chance to extract that poison.
I have to for my own health.
For my own good.
Marcus Stone is not good for me, that much is obvious.
Throwing my bags in the car, I look back at his house, and when I look up, I see him standing on his balcony staring down at me. Marcus’ hands are on the railing, his eyes locked onto mine.
“Fuck you,” I say under my breath, as I walk around and get into my little red car.
The car creaks, and I wonder if it can hear my own heart doing the same.
The tears don’t come, not until I’m almost home.
I feel everything. Everything.
And I want the pain to go away, but I won’t allow it to.
I love a man who can’t love me back. Marcus never made me believe that he could love me. I knew this, but it didn’t stop me from falling in love with him anyway.
And fall I did.
My sister’s sitting on my front steps when I arrive back at my house. Kat stands when she sees me, and I walk to her falling into her arms.
“You did it?”
I don’t need to reply, she already knows. I manage to nod in her arms, and she squeezes me tighter. “Breaking your heart is the worst pain of all.”
“He never loved me,” I say, wiping my tears as I look up at her. “I knew it, but I stayed anyway. Hoping maybe it was possible.”
“Yes. But, did you love yourself with him?”
That’s the tricky part isn’t it? Did I?