“What was I gonna do with them?” I shrug as though it wasn’t a big deal, but I loved the way the kids’ eyes would beam and the parents didn’t look at me as if I was trash.
“You always were a family man.” Knox nudges me with his elbow.
I shake my head.
“Phillips, don’t even try to deny it. How many times did you say that you wanted what those people had?” Jax says.
I jump down from the ledge. “Because I was a foster kid. What foster kid doesn’t want parents? A family?”
They jump down and join me walking around. It’s sad and desolate and depressing here now.
“You wanted your own family,” Knox says. “I remember you saying, ‘I’d never treat my kid like that,’ and ‘My wife is going to be smoking hot with a great pair of tits.’”
I huff out a laugh. We really were punks. “I was young and stupid.”
“You knew what you wanted, so what changed?” Knox asks. “I see the way you look at her, man.”
I clench my teeth. “She’s better off in Houston. She has so many possibilities for her life and I want her to realize all of them.”
“Bullshit. Come on. Own it, Phillips.” Jax’s voice echoes through the empty park as we all hang on metal beams from a ride that’s half rotted away.
“Own what?”
Jax looks at Knox and shakes his head. “You fell in love with her and you’re scared because what happens when you love people?”
“They leave you,” Knox fills in for Jax.
“You two are psychologists now, are you?”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to leave? Maybe she doesn’t want the job.” Jax walks up to me. “Maybe she doesn’t want to leave you.” He jabs me in the chest.
“Do we really have to give you the ‘you are worthy’ speech?” Knox puts his arm around my neck and rubs his knuckles along my skull. “People have been assholes and yeah, maybe your dickhead parents abandoned you, but that doesn’t dictate everyone’s actions.”
I get out of his hold. “My head is all kinds of fucked up right now. She called me out on all my shit. She figured me out.”
Jax laughs echoes in the night. Only the moon lights our path as we continue along. “You’re not a Rubik’s cube, moron. And I should kick your ass for that stunt with the client.”
I nod. He should. It was low. “What if I fuck this up?”
Knox slaps me on the back. “Too late for that.”
He’s right. I have fucked this all up. When Lyle said she was there, I purposely got Colleen out quickly so she would still be adjusting herself. Wiping my mouth on my T-shirt was playing dirty.
“I guess we’re all gonna wait around for her to meet that accountant, huh?” Jax jumps up on a concrete ledge and walks it. “Watch her pop out a few perfect kids. Sit on the sidelines and let some other fucker get the life you want? Just like we used to watch those families here when we were kids.” Jax jumps down in front of me and I rear back. “It’s time to grow up. You love Rian and she loves you. Shit, I’ve witnessed so many gooey moments the last few months that I need five root canals.”
Knox nudges my shoulder with his. “He’s right. It’s time you take what’s yours and fight what’s holding you back. We all have our demons. Everyone grows up with them. You and Jax were dealt a shitty hand, so toss the cards back into the deck and reshuffle. Or better yet, pluck out your cards so that you end up with a royal flush. It’s in your hands. You’re the one in control, not that jealous boy who used to watch all the families here.”
“Man, Whelan, I’m impressed,” Jax says.
Jax is right—Knox did good. He’s wrong about one thing though. The jealous boy inside me is the one I should be listening to, because he’s the one who said fuck this life he was given, he was gonna have the wife and the kids and the whole family. He wasn’t scared.
“Where is she?” I ask, my hand digging into my pocket for my keys.
“She’s packing for Houston. Leaving on a red-eye, I think,” Jax says.
“Fuck.” I turn and run back to my bike.
They follow suit.
“I’m not sure you’re going to catch her,” Knox says.
All three of us climb on our bikes, and with me in the lead, we head out of the park—except we come upon three guys using their cell phones as flashlights when we reach the merry-go-round. I stop the bike, and my friends stop on either side of me.
“Fuck, guys, you knew we couldn’t get Adrian’s Range Rover through those openings,” Seth says.
Jax and Knox shrug.
“Sorry, we weren’t thinking,” Knox says.
“I gotta go.” I rev my engine.
“This is bullshit, I wasn’t able to give him his ‘come to his senses’ speech.” Seth holds up a piece of paper. “I wrote down notes on the way here.”
Jax inches forward on his bike. “All taken care of. Now we need to stop her from getting on the plane.” Jax pats Seth’s back.
“Thanks for coming, guys, but my head’s on straight again.” I wheel by them and out of the park, right to the highway.
I zoom and weave through traffic with confidence and ease. We pull up to the apartment, all of us killing our engines. The guys tell me they’ll park my bike.
I run up the stairs of our apartment building, winded when I bust open the door to nothing but darkness. I slam the door and run down the stairs. Jax and Knox are still parking my bike curbside.
“She’s gone!” I yell. “Give me back my helmet. I have to go to the airport.”
As the words spill out, the door of Ink Envy opens and Rian steps out. Her arms are wrapped around herself in protection.
I know then, more than I’ve known anything in my whole life, that I’ll do whatever I have to in order to fix this. I will not lose the woman I love.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Rian
We all heard the motorcycles coming down the street. Sierra and Blanca looked at me. Hell, even Lyle peeked up from his sketchbook.
When a few minutes pass and no one walks in, I figure I’ll go outside to save Knox and Jax from having to tell me in front of everyone that Dylan isn’t coming back. But as I open the door, Dylan tears out of our apartment building, demanding the guys give him back his helmet. Until he looks up and our eyes lock.
My feet stop. I wait for him to cross the street, holding his hand out for a car to stop.
“Rian,” he says.
Just hearing him say my name does things to me. No matter if he’s here to tell me it’s over or tell me he messed up, I feel better seeing that he’s okay.
“Hi,” I say.
“I’m an idiot. I didn’t do anything with that woman. I swear. I just…” He looks at me, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “You were right. I was scared. Scared you were going to leave me, because all the people in my life that I love leave me. But I should have trusted you. I should have fought for us. I should have done anything but what I did. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”