The night I murdered her killer.
Yes, I've taken a life...and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
And I would never, ever, have an ounce of regret for being who I am.
Until her.
My name is Jackson Reid. There are two things you need to know about me.
The first is—I'm in love with Alyssa Tanner.
The second is—I'm a murderer.
My name is Alyssa Tanner, but you probably know me as the whore who caused her step-father to lose the election for New York City Mayor.
And you would be right—because the day the world branded me a slut I decided to become one.
You think you know all there is to know about me because you've seen what I look like naked.
Believe me, you haven't even cracked the surface.
What you don't know—is my past, because I've been forced to keep it a secret to ensure my safety.
What you don't know is my pain.
Because if you did—you'd be dead.
I bet you think you know how this story will unfold...but trust me, you really have no idea.
Prologue
Jackson
Pain. It hurts us. It pushes us. It punishes us.
Or, for the few poor souls out there like me...it defines us.
I'm not a good person.
There are no redeeming qualities about me...not anymore.
Any that I had, I'd given to the devil on the night that changed everything.
The night my baby sister died.
The night I murdered her killer.
Yes, I've taken a life...and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
I grew up in Boston. For the most part, I was just an average hard working kid trying to make it into the professional world of MMA fighting.
My mom kicked the bucket when I was 18 from a heroin overdose, and if you know where my father is...well then, give that asshole sperm donor a big 'fuck you' for me.
It's safe to say that Lilly was the only family I had.
She was four years younger than me, and I spent most of my life either looking out for her or bitching about how annoying she was.
After our mom died, it was just her and I.
Who am I kidding...it was her and I since day one.
My mother's death changed nothing. In fact, Lilly's high school didn't even question when I was the one who stepped up and filled in for all the parental duties.
Here's where I fucked up.
I let my best friend date my little sister.
Mike was training to become a professional MMA fighter as well. We all grew up together, and one day, I caught him making eyes at Lilly...or rather, her making eyes at him.
Obviously, I put an end to that shit as soon as it started.
When she was 14.
The next four years were filled with them making constant googly eyes at one another, but other than that- we were like the three musketeers.
Lilly would even watch us train...she was like our own personal cheerleader.
I'd see her innocent blue eyes and strawberry blonde curls routing for us at every single session.
On her 18 birthday...I caved.
"I'm in love with your sister and I swear to god, I'm going to marry her one day," Mike said as I choked on my beer.
Before I even had time to knock him out or protest...Lilly's 5'1, lanky frame bounced into the room and landed beside Mike.
She grabbed his hand and looked up at me. "I love him, Jackson."
I grunted and downed the rest of my beer before I reached over and grabbed Mike by his shoulders. "Outside...now."
He let go of Lilly's hand and followed me out to the porch.
The old wooden swing seat creaked under our weight when we sat down. "You're 22...she's 18."
He laughed. "I know. But it's really not that much of an age difference anymore, especially now that she's legal.” He looked down at his feet. “Besides, I've loved her since she was 14."
My stomach knotted and I balled my fists. "That's disgusting."
He rolled his eyes. "Obviously, I didn't do anything about it, asshole,” he said. “It’s not like that. It’s more than sex."
My entire body tensed at those words and I stood up.
I was about two seconds away from knocking his lights out when he shouted, "Which we still haven't had, I swear!"
We both breathed a sigh of relief then. "Look, I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life with her. Now the only question is whether you're going to be happy and support us, or if it's going to come to blows and we're going to ruin a friendship over it. Not to mention, possibly ruining your relationship with your sister."
I shook my head. "You're a fucking prick."
He gave me a wry smile. "No, I'm not, Jackson. If I was, you would have knocked my ass out already. You know I'm a good guy. You know I'll take care of her. I'm your best friend for crying out loud."
I crossed my arms over my chest. "You hurt her, I'll kill you. You knock her up before she's 30, I'll kill you. If you cheat on her, I'll kill you. If you ever make her cry...I'll kill you."
He looked me in the eyes. "If I ever do any of those things; then, I wouldn't want to live anyway." He paused. "So, does this mean we have your blessing?"I halfheartedly gave a nod as I heard Lilly come bouncing out the front door.
Her smile was infectious and her eyes were gleaming.
She wrapped her arms around me tighter than she ever had before.
"I love you, big brother...this is the best birthday ever!"
I sighed and returned her hug.
For two years Mike kept his promise.
He treated her like gold and I'd never seen Lilly happier.
Both Mike and I continued to train hard, trying to make it big in the MMA world.
We trained at one of the best gyms and had a coach who swore our big break was right around the corner.
He was right.
Mike was closing in on a deal with a big time sponsor, and I was about to sign a pretty big endorsement deal with a sponsor myself.
My first professional fight was scheduled for one week away.
At almost 24, my dreams were finally coming true.
I was so wrapped up in my own world...I never noticed the signs.
I never noticed when my sister’s innocent blue eyes lost their sparkle.
I never noticed when her bubbly personality changed.
I almost didn't notice when she stopped showing up to watch us train.
"What's up with my sister? I haven't talked to her in like two weeks. She hasn't shown up here lately...why is that?" I asked Mike as we headed to the locker room after a training session.
Mike shrugged. "I don't know, she's been studying really hard. I think she wanted to go shopping today. She said something about wanting to get a new outfit for the big fight next week."
I laughed. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Her boyfriend and big brother are having their first professional fight on the very same night."
I knew that no matter how hard Lilly's intense course load at Harvard was, she wouldn't miss the fight for the world.
He looked down and I watched as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Yeah..."