“But I'm a murderer.”
“And that brings me to the next point we need to sort out in that head of yours. Remember what I said about it not always being so black and white or cut and dry?”
I nod my head again.
He takes a deep breath. “Would you call a soldier a bad person? Would you think of them as a murderer or a killer?”
“Absolutely not. They're heroes who are defending and protecting others.”
He nods. “You're right. They are and they do.”
“You've lost me again, Tyrone. Because if you're insinuating that I'm some sort of hero...you're wrong. Heroes save people. So, what is it that you're saying?”
“What I'm saying is that it's not always mutually exclusive. There are exceptions to every good thing and every bad thing. Think about it...if a person donates a shit-load of money to a charity, we automatically assume that it makes them a good person.” He pauses. “But, if you find out that they only donated to the charity to claim it on their taxes and not from the goodness of their heart. That changes your perception about them a little, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Now, what if a person murders someone? We automatically assume that it makes them a bad person. But, what if you found out that this killer had walked in to find their little sister whom he loved more than life itself brutally murdered?” He draws in a breath. “And in the very same moment, his best friend whom he trusted, walked out and admitted to killing his baby sister. Which in turn, caused him to black out in a rage that ended in murder. Wouldn't that change your perception about this killer?”
“Yeah.”
He gives me a hug. “Let Alyssa decide for herself what her perception of you is. Let her show you that she knows exactly who it is she's giving her heart to. Have some faith and trust in the girl.”
I hug him back. “Thanks, Tyrone. I really don't know how I would have figured that all out by myself. I owe you.”
“So, you're going to tell her?”
“No. I'm gonna do more than that.”
He raises an eyebrow. “How?”
“You still have that camcorder?”
His stares at me wide-eyed. “You sure about this, man? I mean, there's putting your trust in someone and then there's putting your trust in someone. She could do anything with that confession, Jackson. In the wrong hands, you could end up right back in jail. And if that happens, dropping the soap will be the least of your worries, brother. DeLuca will have you killed in jail for outing him about staging the cover up.”
“You said to have some faith and trust in her, right?”
An hour later I find myself making my way to Alyssa's apartment.
I'm choosing to tell her about what happened on video because, in some way, I'm trying to show her just how much I love her.
I know that the sex tape ruined her life. It left her vulnerable, naked, exposed and judged for the whole entire world to see.
Although this is a different circumstance entirely, this video very much leaves me vulnerable, naked, exposed and open to her judgment.
There's no way to match her love and give her every part of me if she doesn't know my past and what I've done.
Alyssa's video never changed my opinion about her. It only made me fall for her more.
I guess in some way, I'm hoping that she feels the same about me after she watches mine.
I knock on her door with an eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach. On one hand, I'm more nervous than I've ever been in my life. On the other hand, it feels like a giant weight is being lifted off my shoulders.
She opens the door after the second knock and looks up at me.
I shove the disk in her hand. “I need you to watch this. It's everything important you need to know about me.”
She opens her mouth to say something, but I guess the look I give her stops her. Instead, she gives me a small nod before closing the door.
I hear her rummaging around briefly on the other side of the door.
Then I hear the words that will change everything.
“My name is Jackson Reid. There are two things you need to know about me. The first—is that I'm in love with Alyssa Tanner. The second—is that I'm a murderer.”
With my heart completely in her hands, I walk away.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Alyssa
“Now you know, Alyssa. That's my story. He killed Lilly and I don't regret avenging her death. But I do regret not telling you sooner.”
I watch as Jackson moves closer to the screen before pausing. “And just in case I never get the chance to say it again. I love you,” he says before the camera shuts off.
I wipe my eyes and stand up.
Then I run.
Only this time...I'm not running from anything.
I running toward something.
I'm running as fast as I can to the man I love.
The man that I still love. Maybe even more now.
It's almost 4 in the morning and the rain is falling hard outside, It's coming down in buckets, causing me to almost slip on the concrete a few times, but I don't care.
By the time I reach Jackson's apartment, I'm a shivering wet mess. I'm also pretty sure my lips are blue and I'm going to catch pneumonia, but I still don't care.
Tyrone opens the door and I expect him to be surprised that I'm here but he's not. He just gives me a knowing smile and tells me that Jackson is in his room.
He then offers me a blanket but I decline. Instead, I ask him if he would mind if I rummaged around the kitchen for a bit.
He smiles even wider...until I inform him I'm not cooking him anything.
I don't even knock on Jackson's door, I just walk right in.
He's sitting up against the headboard of his bed, he's shirtless, his eyes are closed and the acoustic version of Shinedown's, Simple Man is playing on repeat in the background.
I clear my throat and he startles. When he sees me his eyes flicker and his breathing picks up.
He takes in my appearance and opens his mouth to say something, but I put my finger to my lips and hand him what's in my hand.
He looks down at the cup of hot chocolate containing both cinnamon and whipped cream and his breathing becomes shaky.
His eyes are glassy when he looks back up at me and his hand reaches out for mine.
I take his hand and position myself on top him with both my legs on either side of his. I wrap my arms around him tighter than I ever have and my head falls against his chest. Then I plant a kiss over Lilly's name.
We stay like that for a while, neither of us saying a word, which is fine because this moment is too profound to ruin it with words.
He's rubbing slow circles over my back and it feels amazing, but I have to fight off another chill due to my drenched clothes.
Jackson notices this and hauls me upright so that I'm facing him. He motions for me to raise my arms and I do. He starts lifting my shirt, and since I ran out of my apartment wearing nothing but pajamas I'm not wearing a bra. He quickly balls my wet shirt in his hand and throws it across the room causing it to land with a wet thud.
I feel the flush in my cheeks due to being topless in front of him, but it quickly turns to arousal when Jackson leans down and flicks his tongue over my nipple. He does the same to my other nipple and I feel the warmth that he's providing me spread throughout my body.