After we rise for the judge, he calls the court in session and he collects a piece of paper from a member of the jury.
A piece of paper that will determine the rest of my life.
A piece of paper that will determine whether or not I get to spend the rest of my life with Alyssa, my future child, and the rest of my family.
The jury's faces give nothing away.
I wish I could see Alyssa's face one more time, I wish I could see my child growing in her belly. The thought causes blood to rush in my ears and vertigo plagues me, I want to sit back down because I'm not sure I can stand anymore.
I don't know why Michelle's arms are wrapped around me and she's telling me goodbye, because I'm too distracted by the sound of Momma shouting at the top of her lungs.
Oh, boy. I really hope Momma doesn't try to put a hurtin' on those jurors. Or the judge for that matter, poor guys already frail and old. I turn around to tell her it will be okay, but both Ricardo and Tyrone's arms are around me next. Their hugging me so tight I almost fall over.
“It's okay, guys,” I tell them. “I'll be okay. Just promise me that you'll take care of Alyssa and the baby for me. Please.”
They pull away and exchange a glance with one another. “Why?” Ricardo says. “You'll be able to do that yourself.”
“What—” I start to say, but my breath leaves my lungs as Momma herself plows into me.
I close my eyes and hug her back. “I knew it would all work out in the end,” she says.
That's when it hits me.
I look at Tyrone for confirmation. I don't even have to get the words out because he looks at me and says, “Not guilty, brother.”
I'm not ashamed to admit, I'm barely holding back tears.
I'm going to be a father to my baby. I'm going to spend my life with Alyssa. I'm going to see my family.
I look at the jury again. And this time, they look at me. “Thank you,” I whisper. I get a few small smiles before they start to clear out.
The bailiffs unchain me, and Michelle informs me that I'll need to sign off on some paperwork before I'm free to leave.
This time, I'm the one hugging her because I know what's happening. “Thank you and congratulations on winning your first case.”
“You don't need to thank me, Jackson,” she says with a grin. “But thank you for being the most memorable client I'll ever have. Thank you for reminding me why I became a defense attorney in the first place.”
After I sign the paperwork we walk out to the car. It almost feels unreal. The air is fresher, the grass is greener, and I have a sense of peace.
A light breeze flows through the air and I feel Lilly's presence again. I look up to the sky and blow her a kiss.
Then a bird shits on my head.
Tyrone and Jackson burst out laughing. “Yup, that was definitely Lilly. Totally a little sister move.”
I start laughing with them and it's the greatest feeling because I know that Lilly would find this highly amusing right now.
Momma hands me a napkin and I clean up before I get in the car.
We head back to the apartment complex and I can't get in the door fast enough.
Apparently, Tyrone and Shelby moved into Lou-Lou's old apartment so that Alyssa and the baby could have this one. Tyrone wanted his little niece or nephew to have his own room.
I'm surprised Alyssa didn't want to move to the suburbs to raise the baby but Ricardo said she wanted to be by her family.
I'm running around the apartment looking for her and my anxiety's through the roof when I can't find her. Then I notice that the door to the balcony is partially open.
I step outside into the warm July evening air.
I find Alyssa standing there with a mug and she gives me her gorgeous smile, complete with her adorable dimple. I don't hesitate to cup her face in my hands and kiss her like it's my last breath.
When I pull away her eyes are still closed and she sighs. “God, I missed that.”
“I missed you.” I place a kiss on her belly. “The both of you.”
She hands me the mug, I take it with one hand and she grabs my other hand. “Come on, you're just in time to watch the sunset.”
It's only then that I take a look at the two rocking chairs she has set up on the balcony.
Along with some bingo boards on the table.
“I didn't show up at court today because I knew you'd come home to me,” she whispers.
I take a sip of my hot chocolate before I press her hand to my lips and kiss it. “I love you.”
She takes a sip of her own hot chocolate. “ And I love you.”
It's then that I realize.
Without pain, you wouldn't know happiness. If you let the pain take over, you miss out on the good things, the things that really matter...like love and family.
If you don't find a way to make it through the pain...you miss out on the best parts of your life.
Epilogue
Pain. It hurts us. It pushes us. It punishes us.
Or, for the few poor souls out there like me...it defines us.
Yes, I've taken a life...and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
And one day, I will explain to my son the way the world works.
I will tell him, that the bad guys win far more often than the good guys do.
But I will raise him to know that in a world full of bad...he should do good anyway.
I will tell him that I don't think I'm necessarily a good person, but I'm not a bad person, either.
I will tell him the truth.
I'm flawed. I'm human. I lead with my heart.
And that's okay, because I have a good one.
Read Lou-Lou and Ricardo’s story next in a three-part series Blame it on the Shame
About Ashley Jade
Ashley Jade craves tackling different genres and tropes within romance. Her first loves are New Adult Romance and Romantic Suspense, but she also writes everything in between including: contemporary romance, erotica, and dark romance. Her characters are flawed and complex, and chances are you will hate them before you fall head over heels in love with them.
She's a die-hard lover of oxford commas, em dashes, music, coffee, and anything thought provoking...except for math.
Books make her heart beat faster and writing makes her soul come alive. She's always read books growing up and scribbled stories in her journal, and after having a strange dream one night; she decided to just go for it and publish her first series. It was the best decision she ever made.
If she's not paying off student loan debt, working, or writing a novel—you can usually find her listening to music, hanging out with her readers online, and pondering the meaning of life.
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Blurb
I met the devil in broad daylight.
He was cold, dangerous, and nothing I knew I wanted.
I should’ve known better.
But I couldn't stay away from everything I never thought I’d need.