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Blurb
It was never love with Daniel and I never thought it would be.
It was only lust from a distance.
Unrequited love maybe.
He’s a man I could never have, for so many reasons.
That didn’t stop my heart from beating wildly when his eyes pierced through me.
It only slowed back down when he’d look away, making me feel so damn unworthy and reminding me that he would never be mine.
Years have passed and one look at him brings it all back.
But time changes everything.
There’s a heat in his eyes I recognize from so long ago, a tension between us I thought was one-sided.
“Tell me you want it.” His rough voice cuts through the night and I can’t resist.
That’s where my story really begins.
Preface
Addison
It’s easy to smile around Tyler.
It’s how he got me. We were in calculus, and he made some stupid joke about angles. I don’t even remember what it was. Something about never discussing infinity with a mathematician because you’ll never hear the end of it. He’s a cute dork with his jokes. He knows some dirty ones too.
A year later and he still makes me laugh. Even when we’re fighting. He says he just wants to see me smile. How can I leave when he says things like that? I believe him with everything in me.
My friend’s grandmother told me once to fall in love with someone who loves you back just a little more.
Even as my shoulders shake with a small laugh and he leans forward to nip my neck, I know that I’ll never really love Tyler the way he loves me.
And it makes me ashamed. Truly.
I’m still laughing when his bedroom door creaks open. Tyler plants a small kiss on my shoulder. It’s not an open-mouth kiss, but still it leaves a trace on my skin and sends a warmth through my body. It’s fleeting though.
The cool air passes between the two of us as Tyler leans back and smiles broadly at his brother.
I may be seated on my boyfriend’s lap, but the way Daniel looks at me makes me feel like I’m alone. His eyes pierce through me with a sharpness that makes me afraid to move. Afraid to even breathe.
I don’t know why he does this to me.
He makes me hot and cold at the same time. It’s like I’ve disappointed him simply by being here. As if he doesn’t like me. Yet there’s something else.
Something that’s forbidden.
It creeps up on me whenever I hear Daniel’s rough voice; whenever I catch him watching Tyler and me. It’s like I’ve been caught cheating, which makes no sense at all. I don’t belong to Daniel, no matter how much that idea haunts my dreams.
He’s twenty-one now and I’m only seventeen. But more importantly, he’s Tyler’s brother.
It’s all in my head. I tell myself over and over again that the electricity between us is something I’ve made up. That my body doesn’t burn for Daniel. That my soul doesn’t ache for him to rip me away and punish me for daring to let his brother touch me.
It’s only when Tyler speaks to him that Daniel looks away from me, tossing something down beside us.
Tyler’s oblivious to everything happening. And suddenly I can breathe again.
My eyelids flutter open, my body hot under the stifling blankets. I don’t react to the memory in my dreams anymore. Not at first, anyway. It sinks in slowly. The recognition of what that day would lead to growing heavier in my heart with each second that passes. Like a wave crashing on the shore, but taking its time. Threatening to engulf me as it approaches.
It was years ago, but the memory remains.
The feeling of betrayal, for fantasizing about Tyler’s older brother.
The heartache from knowing what happened only three weeks after that night.
The desire and desperation to go back to that point and beg Tyler to never come looking for me.
All of those emotions swirl into a deadly concoction in the pit of my stomach. It’s been years since I’ve been tormented by the remembrance of Tyler and what we had. And by the memories of Daniel and what never was.
Years have passed.
But it all comes back to me after seeing Daniel last night.
Chapter One
Addison
THE NIGHT BEFORE
I love this bar. Iron Heart Brewery. It’s nestled in the center of the city and located at the corner of this street. The town itself has history. Hints of the old cobblestone streets peek through the torn asphalt and all the signs here are worn and faded, decorated with weathered paint. I can’t help but to be drawn here.
And with the varied memorabilia lining the walls, from signed knickknacks to old glass bottles of liquor, this place is flooded with a welcoming warmth. It’s a quiet bar with all local and draft beers a few blocks away from the chaos of campus. So it’s just right for me.
“Make up your mind?”
My body jolts at the sudden question. It only gets me a rough laugh from the tall man on my left, the bartender who spooked me. A grey shirt with the brewery logo on it fits the man well, forming to his muscular shoulders. With a bit of stubble and a charming smirk, he’s not bad looking. And at that thought, my cheeks heat with a blush.
I could see us making out behind the bar; I can even hear the bottles clinking as we crash against the wall in a moment of passion. But that’s where it would end for me. No hot and dirty sex on the hard floor. No taking him back to my barely furnished apartment.
I roll my eyes at the thought and blow a strand of hair away from my face as I meet his gaze.
I’m sure he flirts with everyone. But it doesn’t make it any less fun for the moment.
“Whatever your favorite is,” I tell him sheepishly. “I’m not picky.” I have to press my lips together and hold back my smile when he widens his and nods.
“You new to town?” he asks me.
I shrug and have to slide the strap to my tank top back up onto my shoulder. Before I can answer, the door to the brewery and bar swings open, bringing in the sounds of the nightlife with it. It closes after two more customers leave. Looking over my shoulder through the large glass door at the front, I can see them heading out. The woman is leaning heavily against a strong man who’s obviously her significant other.
Giving the bartender my attention again, I’m very much aware that there are only six of us here now. Two older men at the high top bar, talking in hushed voices and occasionally laughing so loud that I have to take a peek at them.
And one other couple who are seated at a table in the corner of the bar. The couple who just left had been sitting with them. All four are older than I am. I’d guess married with children and having a night out on the town.
And then there’s the bartender and me.
“I’m not really from here, no.”
“Just passing through?” he asks me as he walks toward the bar. I’m a table away, but he keeps his eyes on me as he reaches for a glass and hits the tap to fill it with something dark and decadent.