Addison is back.
The only question on my mind is what I’m going to do with her.
Chapter Three
Addison
I’ve hated Daniel for a lot of things. I’ve never really tallied them up before.
The silent drive back to this tiny apartment provided plenty of time to recount each and every moment that bastard has made me feel inadequate, embarrassed … undeserving.
I take in a deep, calming breath then toss the keys onto the small kitchenette table and head right for the wine.
This day was going so well.
The thought settles me as I open the fridge and quickly grab a half-full bottle of red blend. I use my teeth to pull out the cork and pour the wine into a bright yellow coffee mug with sunflowers engraved on it. It’s the closest thing to me and all my glasses are still packed in boxes.
It’ll do fine to hold the wine, I think as I take a small sip. And then a large one.
I don’t have a buzz yet, but in fifteen minutes I’m sure I will.
As I lick the sweet wine off my lips, I stare aimlessly at the glass bottle. I have to be careful not to fall into old patterns. It’s been a long time since I’ve needed wine to sleep. But I can see myself relying on that bad habit tonight. That’s what some memories will do to you.
I take a good, hard look at the bottle. It’s more than halfway empty as it is. I’ll be fine.
Leaning against the counter, I let the past flicker in front of me and trace the outline of the flowers on the mug.
Each memory is accompanied by another gulp of wine, each one tasting more and more bitter.
So many times Daniel’s left me feeling less than. And it’s my fault.
Even the first time was my fault.
The sudden memory of Tyler both warms my heart and makes my vision blur as my eyes gloss over with tears. I can’t think of him for long without feeling a deep pain in my chest.
He was my first. My first everything.
Just like his brother Daniel and just like the rest of the men in their family, Tyler Cross was stubborn. And he didn’t let up until I finally caved and said yes to being his girlfriend.
I told myself he was nice and that it felt good to be wanted. And my God, it did. When you’re an orphan, you learn rather quickly people don’t want you.
It’s a hard thing to unlearn.
And at sixteen years old and in my fourth foster home, I didn’t believe Tyler wanted anything more than a kiss, or to cop a feel. To get into my pants. Just like the previous foster dad wanted from me. He was a rotten bastard.
I run the tip of my finger along the edge of the mug, remembering how Tyler didn’t give up on making me feel wanted. I only stayed with the Brauns, my fourth foster home in three years, because of how Tyler made me feel.
I didn’t want to move to another school district.
I finally wanted to stay somewhere.
The Brauns would get their check and I would be a good kid, I’d be quiet. I’d put up with whatever it was I had to do in order for them not to send me back.
All because Tyler genuinely made me feel wanted. Even if it was obvious the Brauns, like the other foster parents, only wanted to get paid. Having to watch over a teenager with hormones and homework wasn’t on their wish list.
Looking back on it now though, I don’t much mind Jenny and Mitch Braun. They were okay people. Maybe if I hadn’t run away when everything happened, I’d have a relationship with them. Or a semblance of one.
They didn’t like Tyler though. They were probably the only people on the face of the earth who didn’t like that boy. I can’t blame them, since he did in fact want to get into my pants when they eventually met him.
I cover my mouth with my hand as I let out a small laugh at the memory.
He had to meet my guardians before I’d go anywhere near his house.
I have to give Tyler credit, he put up a good showing.
And then I had to face his family.
There was one big difference though. One massive separation between what he had to do and what I had to do in our little agreement.
Tyler had a real family.
That was so obvious to me. Actual relatives. Like I had once. It’s an odd feeling standing in a room with people who belong together. Especially when you don’t, but you want to. You desperately want to.
It was wrong of me. Every reason I had for staying with Tyler was selfish.
I was young back then. Young and stupid and incredibly selfish.
I know that now and it only makes the shame that much worse.
I remember how I could hardly look at anyone as Tyler wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Like he was proud of me and I belonged to him.
His mother had died years before, something Tyler and I had in common. His father was in the leather recliner in the living room, seated in front of the television although I’m certain he was sleeping.
Tyler told me his father worked late nights, but I could read between the lines. I knew the type of family the Crosses were. I knew by the way people spoke in hushed voices around them with traces of both fear and intrigue. And I heard the whispers.
There were little clues too. Tyler and his brother Jase were always being handed money under the cafeteria table and making quick exchanges. Certain people avoided them, certain red-eyed and scrawny potheads, to be exact.
It didn’t matter to me.
In fact, I liked that their family was doing some type of business that meant his father would be asleep when I was forced to meet them all. Five boys in the family and Tyler was the youngest.
One less male to have to endure was fine by me. Declan, the middle boy, gave the impression of being disinterested in life in general. Let alone his brother’s girlfriend. He was the first of Tyler’s brothers I met, and even he seemed to be kind, if nothing else.
And that continued as I met his other brothers. They all welcomed me. There was no hidden agenda, no sneers or snide comments about where I was from or what the Brauns did at the local tavern two weeks ago.
That’s one thing people liked to gossip about at school when I first got there. Foster parents aren’t supposed to be drunks. Funny how that type of talk died when Tyler staked his claim on me.
Yet another reason I stayed and gave more and more of myself to a boy who could never have all of me.
It was so obvious that he never would. Especially that first day he brought me home.
The moment I thought I could relax, I met the last brother.
Daniel.
Tyler knocked on the door to his room, tapping out song lyrics and telling him to open up.
I remember exactly the way my polish had chipped on my thumbnail. I’m a nervous picker and I was busy chipping away at it when the door opened.
“What?” The word came out hard and my body stilled. I could feel the anger coming off of him from being interrupted.
He gripped the doorframe, which made his shoulders and height seem that much more intimidating. It was his toned muscles and the dark stubble lining his upper throat and jaw that let me know he was older.
And the heat in his stare as he let his gaze wander to where I stood that let me know I wasn’t welcome.
That was the first time Daniel made me feel the same way I do now.
And the first time I knew I’d never love Tyler the way he deserved.
But I stayed with him. Deep inside I know it’s because a very large part of me wanted Daniel to want me back. I wanted Daniel to want me the way that I instantly wanted him.