“Please don't do this!”
“You know how that makes a man feel? To not be able to touch his own wife?”
“Stop saying these things neither of us wants to hear.” Abby covers her face, breaking down and unable to face me.
I stand up, and disappear.
In the forest outside of our cabin, far enough away that Abs can’t hear me, I look up to the sky, to the Source, the Universe, God, or whatever it is people talk to.
I have to do something. I don’t want to go. What I just did to her, it wasn’t me. Not what I really want. Abs and I are meant to be together. Why was I robbed of my life so soon? Robbed of being with her on such an important day as our ten-year anniversary? Is there any reason to this whole ‘life’ thing — the pain, the heartache, the tests, the obstacles, the sorrow, the joys, the laughter, the sex and the love? Will I ever know the truth? Because it seems as far away to me as when I was alive.
“Why can't I keep her? You gave me this chance to be with her again. How come I know it's wrong to stay?”
I’ve never been a praying man, but I’ve nothing left to lose.
Trying again, I shout, “Fuck! You are killing me all over again.”
I point in the direction of town, the bookstore where we first met him, the market to which I was yanked like a dog on a leash.
“And that guy! Is that what you want? What are you trying to do? Torture me?!”
I swallow my rage, transform it into determination. That got me far in the finance world. It even gave me Abby when she was against opening her heart to me in the beginning.
It will help me keep her now.
I tell the heavens, “Stay away from us,” half-expecting to be struck down as I add, “Leave us alone.”
An owl hoots in the distance.
That’s it?
That’s my answer?
An owl?!
Abby…
I have to go to Abby.
Chapter 35
Max
I need a moment before I can go upstairs and speak to her, tell her what’s been going on with me, why I’m so screwed up this past week.
Maybe Abs can help.
But how?
I glance to the sound of urgent footsteps clamoring down our creaky staircase, step out from under them to see my wife no longer crying, a sense of purpose on her face. This isn’t just a bathroom break or a need for water.
“Where are you going?”
She pauses on the final step, holds up our car keys with a jingle she stops with her fist. “To the bridge”
As she passes me, I ask, “Where I proposed to you?”
“Yep!”
Starting to understand what’s going on here, I rasp, “Abby,” pointing with my chin, “you're not wearing shoes.”
She looks at her bare feet, locks eyes with me. “I don't need them anymore.”
If she jumps off that bridge, the questions end. Forever.
It might be the only way we can be together. I want that. We’re standing in our living room, surrounded by our memories, my wife and I together, yet apart.
Cautious hope fills my question, “You're doing this?”
Frustrated and as angry as I am, Abby answers, “I’m going to make it so I can touch you again.”
She spins, and walks out our front door.
Is this the answer to my prayer?
The bridge. Where I kneeled down and asked her to marry me during a normal walk, when she least expected it. We were holding hands, strolling over the old Springtown Truss Bridge, built back in the 1800’s. Originally for trains through Wallkill Valley it is now used by hikers, bikers, and joggers to access the beautiful park it leads to on the east side.
When Abby believed we should just live together, I bought her a ring, kneeled down without warning, and said, “Abigail Lyons, the thing is…if we merely shack up for life, nobody will see this ring and know you’re mine. I want to be with you forever, Abs.”
That did it.
And here we are.
Choosing forever again.
But suddenly a pain twists insides me. Something is wrong. I start to pant, flashing outside, stopping her in her tracks — even scaring her which I’ve never done. Ever since she’s be able to see me I’ve walked around like a normal man to feel like one, and let her believe it, too, that nothing has changed.
Something has now.
I feel sick.
Terror building.
As I appear at the end of our path, just before the driveway, she gasps and touches her heart.
“You can't do this, Abby. It feels really bad. I don't know why I know, but you shouldn't do this.”
Shaken, she argues, volume raised like mine, “That's just the remnants of your human existence talking,” and rushes past me.
“No!” I spin around, shout, “It's more than that!”
Determined, “I have to!” she races to our car.
I flash in front of her, appearing right next to the driver’s side door. “Abigail!”
She gasps, stricken a moment, but quickly gathers herself and calmly opens the door.
“Don't get in that fucking car — I mean it!
Her eyes sadden. “Make me.”
Our eyes lock as she shuts the door and ignites the engine.
I’m helpless to stop this car, standing alone in the cloud of dust and gravel in its wake. Desperate, crazed, spinning, pacing, I search for a way to stop her. Something. Anything. I throw up hands and shout, “Help me! Dear God, help me! I know this isn't right! What do I do?”
Against my will I vanish.
Chapter 36
Abby
When I was eating that apple, alone in our kitchen, I remembered where he proposed, how beautiful it was. How high up, too.
I drove out to the spot right then and there, wearing shorts, a tank top and my green sneakers, pretty much what I had on that beautiful sunny day eleven years ago.
Reliving the past and considering what I could do to alter my future, I tucked my hands into the front pockets, and strolled over split rail wood slats so sturdy they don’t creak.
The structure isn’t like other bridges in the area, its majestic iron reaching high, forged with care by men no longer living. It’s gorgeous, a draw for locals and tourists alike, in the daytime. But I bet at night it’s probably a bit spooky, as many antiques can be, as if the past can’t be let them go.
I watched a flock of geese fly overhead while my mind visited the faces who impacted my life the most. Not just Max, but everyone who changed me. My parents were first — Mom’s happy smile and Dad’s huge laugh. My teachers flashed by, those who inspired me enough to pay more attention. I saw my first kiss. The boss who, when I was just eighteen, told me he believed I’d make it to the top. I saw my sister, and felt a strong pull at my heart. Maybe being with Barry will make her less selfish, and we’ll become closer now. It was possible. One thing I knew is she would be devastated if I did this.
Alice and Henry, they’ve become my parents, too. To lose both of us in the span of a year, how could I do that to them? They’d only ever shown me love. How could I hurt them? I’d pulled away from Jen, had rarely replied to Arthur’s calls. How would they feel if I jumped? They’d always believed they should have tried harder.