“Shut the fuck up!”
Abs laughs, “I’m kidding. Classic rock all the way. Listen I have to go. We're going to go to the store and get a book on mulch.”
“That sounds gross,” returns Lorna and I can hear the happiness in her voice that Abby found someone to finally touch. Fucking Lorna. Still not a fan. Nope, not a fan at all.
With her gone, Abby tucks away the phone and I avert my eyes again, hear them kissing, Jack asking, “Ready to go?”
She hums, “Mmmhmm.”
“Let's hit it.”
I look over in time to see him take her hand, and my eyes close. Think I’ll sit this one out and stay here on the farm. It really is something. I thought our property was nice, and the cabin certainly is a step up from his cottage, but…you can’t ignore the value living animals bring to a home. Kinda wish we’d gotten a pet, now that I’ve been hanging around so many of them here. The crowing rooster — turns out they don’t just crow at dawn, but all day long — doesn’t bother me. I like Hank. We hang out. He’s got a lot of ladies. I told him I respect that. Lucky rooster.
“Max? Are you here?”
I’m pulled by the sound again, like I was at the bridge. Only this time it’s a beautiful day, warm breeze and birds in flight above. Abby’s alone, but this time at the other place where she almost joined me — where we hiked that day. The cliff.
“You haven’t come back here, baby, what’re doing here?” I ask her, and get no reaction.
She looks out at where we were, and lowers herself, every plateau revisited until she’s at the edge where she held on.
“Abby, look, I’m okay! I know you’re moving on and I want you to, even though I don’t want you to. Baby, listen to me, please enjoy your life. I’ll be waiting for you. I promise.”
Abby sits down, cross-legged and inhales deeply, “I just thought I'd try just one last time. I'm so sorry I couldn't jump, I just…” She blinks over the valley, across to the trees that are so far away they’re miniaturized. “If you're listening...I love you. Always.”
I sit down with her, feel the final goodbye she’s giving me, and stay until she leaves.
Chapter 43
Max
I’ve been thinking about it all day, since Abby’s goodbye.
I have to move on, too.
I can’t watch anymore.
Perhaps I’ll see the world.
A few hours before dawn I kneel by their bed, on Abby’s side, my heart aching as I smile with tears in my eyes, “Goodbye Abigail Lyons. You made life worth living.” Like we used to do, I blow her a kiss, one she can’t catch anymore.
A single tear slips down her cheek while she sleeps.
Did her subconscious hear me?
I stand like a human man would, and vanish like the ghost that I am, with only one destination in mind. The forest outside our cabin, it’s For Sale sign in the distance, crickets chirping in shadows as I surrender, “I did what you want. So why am I here? She can't see me anymore. You blocked me out. So why am I still here?”
“Max?” comes a whisper that pulls me away without my meaning to go. To my parent’s bedroom where they sleep. Dad says my name again, eyes closed, frowning like he’s having a nightmare.
I kneel by the bed beside him, “I’m here, Dad. I'm here.”
He whispers, “I miss you.”
I’m so relieved he heard me, I break down, half-laughing, half-crying, “I love you, Dad. I love you so much!”
He's talking in his sleep, but maybe like Abby’s tear when I said goodbye, there’s a space between dreams, reality, and my world, where we’ve gotten through.
As I kiss just above his forehead, it relaxes.
“Let go.”
Stunned by his statement. Let go? Light illuminates not only his face, but Mom’s too. The entire room is bathed in light and I look to my right and see a door that wasn’t there before. I rise. It’s up to me to walk through. But what’s on the other side? The light feels good, but I’m still scared of it. Still…it’s time to make a choice.
I whisper, “Hold on. Just one more,” and walk to the other side, kneeling by Mom. “I love you so much, Ma. Thank you for being so strong.”
Her lungs relax, body softening.
I stand and slowly walk to the door, glance back for one last look at my folks, and walk through, blinded by light.
Chapter 44
Abby
Bathed in sunlight, a flock of geese fly overhead as I wait on our bridge in the beige slip and robe I wore the night of my big decision.
As expected, Max appears at the end of the path, green forest behind him that’s traveled by so many. He blinks away the brightness of his transition, eyes focusing on the beautiful new scenery. He sees me but says nothing at first, because he’s not sure he can trust his eyes. “Abby?”
I smile, so happy he’s back, “I’ve been waiting for you.”
Our environment shifts to SoHo, Manhattan, the neighborhood where we were happy together. Right now we’re on Wooster Street, to be exact. I’m in the black lace dress I wore the night he first said, “I love you,” and he’s in the well-tailored black suit and burgundy tie from that night, as well. The restaurant we’d eaten at prior to that perfect moment, is just around the corner from here, the same restaurant we held our engagement party to celebrate our coming marriage and the adventures it would bring.
Max, here with me now, can’t finish the sentence, “But…” because he’s so confused, his blue eyes locked on me and not the changing scenery.
I smile, “You were here, but then you went there, so you could come back here, now.” We’re back on the bridge again as I smile, saying gently, “Don't think about it.” And back to SoHo, on the cobblestone street, my hair blowing in the breeze as I reassure him, “You'll remember soon. It's a little fuzzy when people first come through.”
We’re enveloped in white light next, the two of us, as my husband comes closer.
I can see the question in him, how am I here when he just left me, just said goodbye, so I share the most valuable piece of information this new world holds: “Time isn't the same here.”
His eyes are clearing, distance between our bodies disappearing with each step. “What about...?
I blink to understand since he didn’t finish his sentence, and realize he’s asking why it’s him I’m with and not the man he brought to help me heal. “Jack's with Emma now,” I explain, knowing that they’re happy. “We kept each other company during our living years.” On a loving whisper I add, “Thank you for that.”
We’re in SoHo again. Max has that look in his eyes, the one I love so much. Like he’s about to kiss me. And it’s all I can think about, too.
“So, you and me?” He points between us.
I smile, “Soulmates, idiot. I hate to tell you, but you're stuck with me.”
With all the pain and relief and love he’s held onto while he kept me company in my grief, Max kisses me.