I tried to course correct. No more questions about his schoolwork, clearly. I tried to think of something alluring to say, something romantic.
“I’ve never had sex before,” I blurted. “But I made it a New Year’s resolution to lose my virginity before graduation. Which is in May, of course. So, it doesn’t have to happen instantaneously. But the clock is ticking, as it were.”
Jonathan’s gaze snapped to my face. He looked surprised. “Shit, Sean. You just lay it all out there, don’t you?”
I shifted uneasily in the booth. “I was trying to be seductive.”
Jonathan gave a wry chuckle. “Yeah? Well, telling a guy you have zero experience and have made, like, a vision board for having sex isn’t seductive.”
“I didn’t make a vision board!” I protested, feeling insulted. “Pasting photos on a board as a magical means to make them happen is illogical. I’m a scientist.”
The waitress brought his coffee and my chocolate milkshake. I leaned forward and started to drink it even though I didn’t want it anymore. Disappointment churned in my gut. This encounter with Jonathan was not going to lead to anything. He didn’t really like me, and now I just wanted to go home. In truth, I hadn’t wanted to leave the party with Jonathan in the first place. I would have much preferred to stay with Bubba. But Bubba had left with Mindy, and anyway, I had no call to be choosy about my opportunities. Spending all my time with Bubba, my trainer and possibly even friend, might be comfortable, but it wasn’t going to achieve my goals.
“I don’t think I’m the guy, Sean,” Jonathan said, his voice kinder.
I looked up at him with a sigh. “Yes. I’d say that’s abundantly clear.”
“Look, you’re super cute, but there’s no chemistry here. Right?” He waved a hand between us.
That was interesting. “What does chemistry have to do with it?”
He smiled. “When you meet someone you do have chemistry with, you’ll understand. It’s like…” He sipped his coffee, considering. “It’s like tasting a new food for the first time, and you think it’s the best thing you’ve ever eaten.”
I thought about that. “As opposed to, say, your aunt serving you buttered rutabaga.”
He laughed. “Yes, exactly.”
“So, you’re saying I’m rutabaga to you.” I felt a little wounded despite myself.
He winked. “Pretty sure we’re rutabaga to each other. But I bet you’ll find your chocolate sundae soon.”
“The best thing I’ve ever eaten is New York cheesecake with cherry sauce.”
“You’ll find your cheesecake then.” Jonathan held out his raised cup. I forced a smile and clinked it with my milkshake glass. It was all perfectly well to make witty analogies. But I was no closer to my cheesecake than I’d been before, and I couldn’t help feeling weighted down with disappointment.
Jonathan dropped me off at the SMT house. When I got up to my room, I flopped on my bed, utterly discouraged. Something vibrated on my hip—my phone. I pulled it out of my pocket to look at it. There was a text from Bubba.
Just checking to make sure you’re OK. Lemme know if you need a ride or anything. Have fun.
Wasn’t he with Mindy? Apparently not. Or perhaps he was already done with her. Perhaps he was quite efficient at sex. I pressed the button to call him.
“Hey!” Bubba picked up on the first ring. “Where are you? Everything okay?”
He sounded so concerned. I’d heard stories about people notifying a friend when they went out with someone new or went to a bar or something. In case they were murdered or vanished off the face of the earth. A “lifeline,” I thought it was called. It gave me a warm feeling to think that Bubba considered himself my lifeline. No one ever had before.
“I’m fine. I’m back in my room. It didn’t work out with Jonathan.”
“Oh.” There was silence for a beat. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry.
“He called me a rutabaga.”
There was a low chuckle. “What?”
“Long story.” Inexplicably, tears stung my eyes. “I guess you can lead a silk purse to water, but you can’t make it…not a pig’s ear? No, that’s not right. Folk sayings are unscientific, anyway.”
“Sean, have you been drinking?”
“I’m drunk on chocolate milkshake and the sour elixir of defeat.” I sniffled.
Bubba chuckled. “Ah, Sean. Buddy. You’re funny even when you’re upset.”
“No matter how many makeovers I get, I can still turn people off in two seconds flat when I open my mouth. I challenged him on the Weimar Republic!” I wailed. “Who does that?”
“Geez, that does sound serious.” Bubba’s low rumbly voice was so sympathetic. I wanted to wrap up in it.
“Apparently, flirting is beyond me. Forevermore!” I was, perhaps, getting a little carried away.
“It’ll be okay, Sean,” Bubba assured me, his voice all honeyed. “Look, it’s like you said about Japanese sedans and human bodies, right? Maybe you’ve just psyched yourself out about it. Maybe we just need to have you practice flirting like it’s…like it’s…a Quiz Bowl question.”
My tiny flood of tears dried instantly. “Really?” I asked hopefully. “That could work. But it would be more like a whole category.”
“Okay, sure. That. And don’t worry, I’m not too bad at flirting. Tomorrow night,” Bubba said firmly. “You and me are gonna role-play.”
Bubba put his arm around the back of the leather couch in the student union and shifted closer to me. I froze and stared up at his face. He’d told me this alcove was his secret place at the union where nobody ever came, so I wasn’t really worried about somebody walking in on us, but I was still unaccountably nervous.
I was accustomed to being around Bubba by now, and I trusted him. I did. But being this close to him with him looking at me with that half-lidded sexy face? I was most certainly not accustomed to that.
My heart pounded in my chest like a metronome, and my belly swirled like I was on the high seas.
I was on the high seas. Of love. Or fake love. Or at least fake flirting.
We’re merely role-playing, I reminded myself. I cleared my throat and sat up straighter.
“Hey, I don’t think we’ve met,” Bubba said in a sultry voice.
I frowned. “What do you mean? We’ve been training together for four weeks.”
Bubba bit back a laugh. “Sean, I’m pretending. In this pretend game, I just saw you at a party.”
Oh, yes. How foolish of me. It was hard to think clearly when he looked at me like that. I put on a cautiously seductive expression.
Bubba blinked. “What are you doing with your face?”
“Nothing!” I shifted in my seat, and the leather couch squeaked. I settled my hands awkwardly in my lap and tried a simple smile. “Better?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“Um…a little? Just relax and act natural.”
“You’re not acting natural,” I pointed out. “You’re flirting with me. That’s unnatural in and of itself.”