My whole face heated, but I didn’t look away. “I enjoyed the jacking off too.”
I heard his barely restrained gasp, but I wanted to be as honest with him as he was with me. And besides, a good friendship needed communication. If we couldn’t talk about this, then we were going to have problems, and we were only starting to get to know each other again. And yeah, we’d thrown a wrench into the mix. Two wrenches.
“You did?” he asked in a husky voice that made me want to kiss him again.
“Yeah.” I looked away because I was going to combust in another second. My shirt was all buttoned now, yet he didn’t step back, and I found I liked the closeness. Between the jerking off, kissing, and sleeping in the same bed, we’d had quite a bit of it. “And I…well, I’d be okay with doing that again sometime.”
A sexy grin slid onto his face, and I had to swallow several times to get my pulse under control.
“But if you kiss me like that again, I might…well…it’s just not a good idea.”
Skylar arched an eyebrow. “That good, huh?”
“You cocky bastard.” I stepped away and reached for my pants. Thankfully, my dick started behaving, so the drive wouldn’t be too uncomfortable.
When he grew quiet again, I turned and found him looking uncertain again. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just… I really am sorry.” He sighed. “I looked you up on social media, and then the first time we meet, my apartment catches fire. Then I have to crash at your place and mess up your life.”
“Mess it up? Nah. Maybe shake it up,” I replied, and he winced. “But I like it. I like having you back in my life, and I don’t want to mess anything up either.” I blew out a breath when a smile stretched his cheeks. My chest felt funny when he was bummed, and I definitely didn’t want him to be bummed because of me. “So let’s agree to communicate and not mess stuff up.”
“Does jacking off mess stuff up?” Skylar asked.
“Not if we don’t let it,” I replied, though I wasn’t completely sure. But that was purely sexual, while that kiss was…well, it felt like something deeper. At least to me. So yeah, maybe I put too much on this, and I needed to loosen up a bit. Especially with the jerking-off stuff. “But no kissing like that again.”
A laugh burst from his lips, so pure, it was contagious.
I motioned toward the door. “Now get out so I can finish getting dressed. I have a house to show.”
23
Skylar
I kissed Clark.
I kissed Clark.
It was a kiss. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but with him it was, and not just because he was a lot more particular about whom he kissed than I was.
I wanted to do it again for more reasons than just kissing being fun.
Because it hadn’t felt like kisses usually did.
Because it made me sad when we said we couldn’t do it again, despite knowing that was the best decision. Hell, we said we could jack off together, and I wasn’t happy with that. I wanted to kiss him. What was going on with me?
I was moping around his apartment after he left, focusing way too much on kissing Clark. After a quick shower, I got dressed, put some makeup on, and texted Jesse. I’m coming over.
No.
See you soon.
* * *
It didn’t take me long to get to his apartment. He opened the door right after I knocked, then left it open while he padded over to the couch and flopped down on it. I followed him over.
“Where’s Dane?”
“He’s with Bree and Ms. Hailey.”
Dane was really close with his sister and his niece. Jesse was too, but I figured it made sense that he gave them some time together, just the three of them.
“What’s wrong?” Jesse asked. “You look all weird. Are you sick? If you have the flu or some shit and bring it to me, I’m gonna kick your ass.”
Okay, so I didn’t know what was up with feeling…whatever I was feeling, and it being so similar to being sick. But it’s what I’d felt, and now it’s what Jesse saw, so I thought maybe we were onto something. Still, what I said was, “I’m not sick.”
“What’s wrong, then?”
Hmm, to tell him or not to tell him? I wasn’t sure what was best. The thing was, I basically came over here to tell him. I could lie to myself about it all I wanted, but even when a person fibbed to themselves, they really knew the truth. “I kissed Clark.”
Jesse paused, waited as if there was supposed to be more, then clutched his chest and gasped. “Was it your first time with a man, m’lady?”
I flushed with annoyance. “Fuck you. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
I tried to stand, but Jesse grabbed my wrist while at the same time laughing so hard, he struggled to speak. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it. You would have done the same. Hell, you probably did do the same when I was falling for Dane.”
“Um…first, no I didn’t. I’m a way better friend than you.” I sat back down. I, in fact, likely had or would have done the same to him. “Second, I’m not falling for Clark.”
“Name one time you’ve ever come over here, acting all weird, to tell me you kissed a guy?”
Okay…so he might have had a point there.
It wasn’t that, though. It couldn’t be. I didn’t fall for guys. I never had and never would. It wasn’t something I’d ever had to try not to do before—I just didn’t.
I shook my head. “We’re friends, is all. He meant a lot to me when I was young, and now he’s back in my life and it’s like we picked up where we left off. Clark is a good guy, though, way better than me, and he wants something serious. He deserves that.”
Jesse frowned, and I racked my brain, trying to figure out what I could have said to make him do that. “He’s not a better man than you. You’re a good man, Sky.”
I scrambled for some kind of sarcastic comment, but the words were stuck in my throat. Had I really said that? Did I mean it? Yeah, Clark was the best of the best, but I’d always thought I was pretty damn good too. “That’s not what I meant.” At least, I didn’t think it was. Was it? “I just don’t want to hurt him.”
“Then don’t.”
But what if I did? I doubted all the men who’d hurt my mom over the years had planned on doing it. Well, maybe some did. She wasn’t known for having the best taste.
“It’s a mistake. I liked kissing him.” I fell back against the couch and slung my arm over my eyes. “I really fucking liked kissing him, but I can’t give him what he needs—other than orgasms. I’m sure he needs those. Who doesn’t?” I tried to joke, but Jesse didn’t take the bait. “His mom hates me.”
“Don’t date her.”
“I’m not dating anyone.” Even if I wanted to date Clark, which I didn’t, who knew if he wanted to date me? He probably looked at me and saw trouble, someone wild and carefree who could never settle down in the kind of life he deserved. Someone who was flaky and never really had their shit together, like my mom. Oh God, I’d always been afraid of being like my mom. Was I?