I shifted, my underwear growing tight as I pictured him on his knees with some faceless guy or the other way around.
“Sorry, did that make you uncomfortable?” He touched my arm, and I trembled.
“No, it made me hard,” I blurted out, then felt my skin catch fire.
Skylar laughed in this husky voice that didn’t help the situation. “I like when you say exactly what you mean.”
“Yeah? Okay,” I replied in a wobbly voice. “Up for another jerk-off session?”
Holy shit, had I really just suggested that? Yeah, I really did.
Instead of responding, Skylar threw off the covers and pushed down his underwear, and I did the same, fisting my hard-as-nails cock.
No, I wasn’t in an episode of The Twilight Zone. I was just embracing my sexuality, and I had Skylar to thank for that. Right?
25
Skylar
We jerked off together again that night, eyes on each other, our hands on our own dicks, and it had taken everything inside me not to reach out and take over for him, not to bend down and take his fat rod into my throat and show Clark what I could do.
He made me crazy.
He said I made him feel wild, but damn if he didn’t do something to me too. It was stressful and confusing, but in the few days since then, I realized more and more that I wanted to explore it, only I couldn’t piece together how to make that work, given that we didn’t want the same things.
It would kill me to hurt Clark, but I wanted him. There was no denying it, and if I was reading things correctly—and there was no doubt in my mind that I was—he wanted me too.
My feelings for him would hit me at the most random times, or hell, maybe they didn’t leave my mind at all, but I was good at ignoring them…until I couldn’t.
Clark made me feel special. He always had, and apparently he always would.
Things had been busy at work. I’d also checked up on my apartment, and they said the repairs were running smoothly.
I’d turned down several hookups, one witnessed by Jesse and Dane. Dane had looked at me as if I were an alien who’d kidnapped Skylar, and Jesse laughed, the jerk.
Wanting Clark made me not want anyone else. At least not until I got this whole thing out of my system.
My work schedule rotated, sometimes four days a week, others five. This was a four-day week, and since I had extra time off, I was meeting my mom for a late lunch at one of our favorite cafés.
“What’s going on with you?” she asked once we ordered.
I think I have a crush on Clark, but I’m scared, because of you. I want him, but I can’t have him that way, and it’s freaking me out. “Nothing.”
“Baby…I know you better than that. What is it?”
I knew my mom well, and she wasn’t going to let this go until I talked to her. I had to give her something, and strangely, I wanted that to be a piece of the truth. “So…Clark…”
“Oh.”
“Wait. What do you mean, oh? I haven’t even said anything yet.”
“Yeah, but you’re my son. And my best friend. I’ve sort of known you all your life.” She smiled at the joke. “And I know how you are with him.”
“I’m not any way with him.”
We both knew that was a lie, and she proved as much when she said, “Yeah, okay, sure.”
“Real mature, Mom.”
“Being mature is no fun,” she countered. “Anyway, so what’s the problem? You like Clark, he likes you.”
“First, I never said I liked him. I mean, not like him, like him. I’m attracted to him and I think he’s fun. I wanna have a fling with him, but that’s it, and who’s to say he likes me?”
She rolled her eyes like I was being ridiculous. “He would have to be an idiot not to like you, and I remember that boy—he was smart. Smarter than me, and he was twelve. If you like him, give it a chance.”
“He’s not a hookup kind of guy, Ma.” I loved that I could talk to her about things like this. I doubted there were many people who could. It was one of the things I loved most about her.
“Why limit yourself, Sky? Talk to him. Maybe it’ll be a hookup, but maybe it’ll be more.”
The truth was, I was nervous it could be more, and I couldn’t let myself do that. More was scary as hell. More meant broken hearts and putting them back together. I’d seen enough of hers over the years.
“Nah, he wouldn’t be interested.” I hoped that by playing it off as if it was Clark, she would let it go. This was my mom, though. I should have known better.
“Don’t let my mistakes guide your life, okay? I know I’m…a bit of a mess. I always have been, but you’re better, baby. You’re smarter than I am too, and—”
“Mom, no.”
She held up her hand. “I’m serious. Let me get this out. I know you’re afraid to ever risk your heart because of me, and I hate that, but…you’re not me. I’m a lot for people. I’m too much. I jump right in with my heart and not my head. You’ve always used your head and your heart. Plus, you’re the best. Any guy would be crazy not to fall for you.”
The thing was, Mom didn’t get that I was just like her. I was too much for some people. I jumped right in and didn’t think things through. Still, what I said was, “I’m not afraid of anything, but I don’t want to settle down. Being single is way too much fun.”
And it was. I’d always loved it. I’d never had any regrets about how I lived my life, but I still wanted Clark.
“Don’t lie,” she said. “It doesn’t suit you. I’ve always respected your honesty and your bravery. If you want something, you go for it. You speak your mind. Now isn’t the time to change that.”
I opened my mouth to reply but wasn’t sure what I would even say. I wasn’t brave, and if I spoke right then, I wouldn’t be honest either. The waiter arrived with our food just in time, keeping me from having to lie to my mom again.
“This looks delicious,” Mom told him as he set her fish-and-chips in front of her.
The waiter winked at her. “We made it extra special just for you.”
Mom giggled. I wonder if that meant she and the neighbor weren’t talking anymore. It showed again just how much of a coward I was when I didn’t let myself ask.
I went home after lunch and still had Clark and my current predicament in my thoughts. I distracted myself by looking at that job online again—not for the first time. It was still there. Suddenly, I got an idea for a funky little outfit, flashy and over-the-top, and I couldn’t get it out of my head.
I worked for a while, then had to put it aside. Bored, I opened Grindr, scrolled for about two seconds, then closed the app. There was no one there I wanted anyway.
I took a shower, did my makeup for fun, then…waited. When had I turned into such a homebody? Usually I was out doing something.
When my phone buzzed, I picked it up to see a text from Clark.
You going to be around tonight?
Yep, I’m home now. Miss me?
I waited for him to reply. God, I was like, waiting waiting.
Of course. I always miss you. You’re on my mind all day, every day!