“You don’t mean that,” I said.
“She’s nothing but a time-consuming nuisance. I don’t know why I ever thought it would be a good idea to have a baby. You haven’t got a minute to spare for me.”
I told him how much I love him, but he said it wasn’t enough and that since Nora came he only had half my love, not all of it.
Priscilla
After that she read:
April 19, 1920
Dear Journal,
I can barely hold the pen to write this, but I have shared all my feelings with you, and this is the most important of all, so I can’t stop now.
Last night, I heard Perry slip from our bed. It was so unusual that it woke me because he is a very sound sleeper. I heard him walk down the hallway to Nora’s room. I listened, but no sounds came. He didn’t speak to her or rock her, and she didn’t call out to him or cry. So, I relaxed and fell back to sleep.
This morning, I woke to find our precious Nora dead in her bed. I know with all my heart he killed her as she slept.
He will pay.
Priscilla
Jesus, is that possible? By then, it likely was. Children don’t die of SIDS by the time they are walking. They die as infants. That bastard, that jealous bastard killed his own daughter. He took the one thing his wife had as her very own. After he’d taken away her friendships and her freedom, he then stole her daughter.
April 25, 1920
Dear Journal,
I waited these few days so that our lovely Nora could have a proper burial. The ladies from the Church Guild and from my Book Club at the library were there at the wake and funeral mass. It was all a blur. All I could see was my tiny Nora in that miniature coffin that her bastard of a father had put her in. I was seething with rage and churning with pain at my loss. I could barely stand for the pain he had inflicted on me and the thought of the pain Nora might have borne as he snuffed out her life with a pillow, so there would be no marks left to target him.
He kept touching me as though to comfort me, and I wanted nothing to do with his false sorrow. It was all for show so that others would not suspect what he had done. But I know. And he knows. And now that she is buried, I will confront him.
Priscilla
Oh, would I have liked to be a fly on the wall for that confrontation, Ashley thought.
June 12, 1920
Dear Journal,
It has been several months since I’ve made an entry here, but I haven’t forgotten you or my precious Nora. I confronted Perry about his killing our daughter as I promised I would. This is how it went:
“Now that we’ve buried our baby, perhaps you should lie down and rest for a while,” he said.
“You want to pretend to me like you care about me or our baby. You killed her, you bastard, I know you did. If I had any way to prove it, I’d be at the police station so fast to report you, your head would spin,” I shouted at him.
He slapped me then, very hard. My lip bled. I didn’t care. Even the pain of that did not dull the pain I felt at seeing her tiny coffin sink low into the ground. She’s out there alone in the cold, dark, wet ground. I know there’s a Heaven, and her soul is with God because she never did a wrong thing in her life, but her beautiful, perfect body is laid to rest in the ground. And, and she’ll be eaten away. Oh my God. The pain is unbearable.
“Don’t ever speak of this again. Your loss of Nora has made you crazy. I’ll fix you.”
The very next day, Dr. Timmerman came to the house. I wondered why Perry didn’t go into work that morning. I thought perhaps he was pretending to still be mourning. But no. He was there to be sure I was taken care of. Dr. Timmerman spoke to me alone and asked me what I thought had happened to Nora. I told him, “She died.”
“How did Nora die?” he asked me.
“Perry killed her,” I confessed because I wanted someone to know.
“Now, Nora, you know that’s not possible. Perry loved his daughter with all his heart. He’s a loving father. We’re going to take you to the hospital now and take care of you, so you won’t have these ugly thoughts anymore. Okay?”
“No, no, no. I don’t want to go. I want to stay and visit Nora every day,” I pleaded.
But they took me away to Concord. They gave me electrical shock. It hurt so much. I sat day after day in a chair so limp that they had to tie me up, so I wouldn’t fall over. Each day they asked, “How did Nora die?”
I answered, “Perry killed her.”
The treatments continued for weeks. One night in a dream my baby came to me. She said, “Momma, tell them I died in my sleep.”
The next morning, the doctor asked, “How did Nora die?”
I answered, “Nora died in her sleep.”
That day they sent me back here to be with Perry. They said I was cured.
But they don’t know that I still know the truth.
Priscilla
How that bastard could live with himself knowing he’d cut his wife off from every friend she had, killed his daughter, and sent his wife away for electrical shock treatments was beyond Ashley’s capacity to understand. He was a cruel, evil creature.
She checked on Tootsie, but her dog was still having fun with the other dogs, so she continued to the last entry. She made a note to call Liz when this was all over and tell her everything about the journal. Better yet, she’d deliver it to her in person. She would not take the chance of having it lost in the mail.
June 13, 1920,
Dear Journal,
I was so nervous all day, but determined to go through with my plan. I cooked dinner as always in case I got weak of heart in the end and didn’t do it. I didn’t want Perry to suspect something was wrong.
But I stayed strong for Nora and for me. Tonight, as he came through the front door yelling, “Priscilla, I’m home!” I lifted his shotgun and shot him squarely in the chest. And when he fell, I shot him three more times there to be certain he was dead and gone. He killed the love of my life—my baby girl. He had to pay. Whatever happens to me will matter not. He got his just due for what he did.
I dragged his body to Nora’s room and took a sledge hammer to the wall. I pushed him inside the wall. He always thought I was dumb. I’m not dumb. I threw in moth balls to hide the smell I’m sure will come and plastered it up as I’ve watched him do when he’s repaired things around here. I then used the extra wallpaper we had and covered over the new plaster and scrubbed all the blood that had spilled from the entranceway to her room.
As God is my witness, I know I’ve done wrong. Killing is wrong, and I have prayed and asked for God’s forgiveness because I someday want to join Nora in Heaven. Let them do with me what they will. At least my Nora got justice.
I’m hiding you now in the hope that someday I can come back to retrieve you or that someone will find you someday and know my true story.
Priscilla
After that restless night with little sleep, Ashley decided to take Tootsie with her to the job site even though there was no longer an excuse. She didn’t feel safe to leave her precious pet alone with a man who would kill his own child. She decided it was time to rid herself of him forever as Priscilla had done. But using her firearm on him would not accomplish anything. No, she had other plans. She had been doing research for a while. It was time to see if that research was accurate.
When she got home, she announced herself as she always did since Perry had made himself known to her that first time.